Is this rude? Not replying

[Powerglide]

I asked a friend if she’s free next weekend on WhatsApp (Tuesday) and she still haven’t even opened the text ... but has been online multiple times.

Yes I know she might be busy. But we’re all busy and it’s hardly a task that takes hours. 2 minutes at most.

Oh lordy, I am that person! I don't open every flipping message everybody sends me, I look, think 'read that later' get on with busy life and yet MORE people are demanding of my time & thoughts. By which time it joins the 528 unread messages and I forget about it.

It's not you, it's me. Phone me and I'll talk!

Phew - just checked Whatsapp and I don't have any new messages.

@IronMansIronButt Um, she quite clearly ignored her after clicking on WhatsApp

If she's on lots of chats then it will have fallen down the list, and she won't see it.
Revive your chat by sending e.g. "oi how about next weekend then?"

This^^
If she does not reply again, then she's probably ignoring you, or does not want to reply for other reasons.

Also to those saying 'no one owes you a reply'
Really?!?

Give over with the generational thing my 16 &18 year old ds’s manage to speak to their friends to make plans every day. How strangely defensive you are.

@Powerglide I still really want to know how you contacted her before WA if you have been friends for 24 years?

@givemeyourbadge How did people communicate 24 years ago?
You can answer this yourself.

We walked to school together

I often purposely ignore messages because they can turn into conversations that I either don't have time for or can't be bothered with right then.

And sometimes I then forget to reply to the message.

For some of us, our mobile isn't the centre of our world and I work on the assumption that if someone needs a response quickly, they'll call me.

@Powerglide that poster was actually defending you.

I get that you think you’re being edgy with the cunty replies but really, you should ease off.

Especially when you come out with stuff like “so basic” 😂

A) who even says that anymore? And

B) I’m pretty sure you have no idea what it means since you used it on this thread!

I’m with thisparachuteisanapsack

Yes it’s rude, but sometimes I’m just unexpectedly out of action and can’t face even looking at messages.

If this is possible then another message just saying “Hi there, everything ok? Would you still like to meet this weekend?” wont cause stress and will more likely get a truthful response if they are struggling. I’m apologetic and explain if I find I can’t manage something.

If they are just not answering yes it is rude, it happens, definitely follow up if the person is otherwise respectful to you. Again just a “Hi there, just checking in about this weekend, still on?”

If they’ve missed the first message, the second is reminder and ignoring two with no reason is a good moment for you to think ok fine, I’ll rise above it and eat all the cake myself!

I’ve had friends get very selfish and self involved, their world and schedule is the only one that matters. Kill it with kindness, helps you not feel dragged down! Just a “Haven’t heard from you, hope you are ok, anything I can do to help get in touch” works if you can’t teach them with a second attempt. Then eat the cake:)

She might not be doing on purpose. Sometimes I open chats by fleetingly or by accident when I'm at work and because I'm at work come off them quick and then they don't appear as unread and forget them. If she doesn't usually ignore you, I'd probably give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe message her and say 'are you ok? Haven't heard back from you...' to jog her along!

By which time it joins the 528 unread messages and I forget about it.

Yeah .... course cos you’re just that popular

If you're on a busy group chat and go to bed early you can wake up to 100 unread messages mainly emojis and gifs so for me it would be a couple of different friend group chats plus DC2's football team chat when everyone's confirming availability and you can easily get unread in three figures by going to the cinema. If OP's message came in during one of those flurries it would be very easily missed.

Which is why you should send her a nudge.

Incidentally I wish WhatsApp didn't clear the notification until you'd assessed every chat with new (unmuted) messages. That would help.

Powerglide

Yeah I think I’ll do that LuluMarie. Good advice thanks

Ok I read again to see who was asking original question after this blew up into epic mental agression.

OP, anger issues. I wouldn’t reply to you if this is the way you speak to people.

It’s not rude to ignore someone who is likely to throw abuse and insults in every direction.

Seriously, calm down and stop attacking people who are giving you their time to give input and answer your question!

I don’t have anger issues. I just don’t take shit from anyone just because it AIBU. HTH.

I’d never and have been aggressive or rude to my friend.

The whole people giving up their time to answer is complete bullshit. No one asked them too. I couldn’t care less who responds or doesn’t ... you all have this thing called free will.

Ah OP, do you see how I was calm and gave understanding benefit of the doubt all round comments and you calmed down and felt better?

Then I read all the screaming and even my zen was rattled. I’m waiting for a shouting at now!

Others respond to your energy and the way we all speak. Take a breathe and pause. If you are wound up, and everyone is sometimes, acknowledge that is what’s going on! There’s nothing wrong with saying “I’m really upset because of whatever and now this has happened, help please”. Just yelling at the wrong targets will get yelling back and you and that’s not pleasant for anyone!

Still, eat the cake.

I’m also a message avoider, especially if it’s someone asking me to make plans! I just can’t do it on the spot, I have to make sure I a) want to make the plans and b) am free to commit to any plans I do want to make.

I also turn my ‘last seen’ off so I can’t be ‘stalked’ to see when I was last online.

So you weren’t asking for input, you were just reporting something banal and then engaged with responses, but you didn’t want to engage?

My free will leads me to offer kindness. So do many others. Don’t throw it back. I’ll continue to be kind (note no swearing or name calling from me despite swearing and hostile at me!), free will. Others have offered you the same. Take it.

People are trying to help.

If you don’t want help or support, don’t ask a group that includes people who will engage and converse with you as well as offer a perspective that may be helpful! Or ignore responses!

@powerglide that's a bit of a non-answer.....unless you literally have never contacted your friend between you walking to school together....and WA being invented! In which case, how did you know her mobile number?!

So .....how did you communicate before WA was invented?

@givemeyourbadge How did you communicate before smartphones were created?