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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this rude? Not replying

142 replies

Powerglide · 04/05/2018 18:55

I asked a friend if she’s free next weekend on WhatsApp (Tuesday) and she still haven’t even opened the text ... but has been online multiple times.

Yes I know she might be busy. But we’re all busy and it’s hardly a task that takes hours. 2 minutes at most.

OP posts:
SmellsLikeMiddleAgeSpirit · 04/05/2018 19:29

I'm Hmm at all those "nobody owes you a response" posters. Friends don't think like that. Nor does anyone with manners.

That said, your friend may have missed your message, or be waiting for the time to reply. Give her a little more time.

MadMags · 04/05/2018 19:29

You're going to get tonnes of "call her" responses, because people on MN are weirdly old-fashioned when it comes to communication!

I'd leave it. Make other plans. If she wanted to meet up, she would respond. She obviously hasn't opened it because she doesn't want you to see she's read it!

seventh · 04/05/2018 19:29

I think it's rude not to reply to a message. I don't think she owes you anything, but I do think it's polite to respond.

Of course she may not have seen the message.

Dljlr · 04/05/2018 19:31

It can take me a while to reply to messages (although I don't have whatsapp or any social media). I have an immensely stressful job and spend my days dealing with sometimes floods of emails. I take my time dealing with non-urgent social stuff because I can. My friends are similar, or maybe they ignore me for a while sometimes because I do it to them Grin I think it's bizarre to find it 'rude' though, as long as you get a reply in the end who cares how long it takes? For all you know she's had the raging squits all day and been hanging out on the bog MNing and doesn't feel like opening her messages.

freddomonster · 04/05/2018 19:32

@WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream each to their own I guess, I don't think it's rude and ignorant to leave it a few days before I reply.

I think it's needy and entitled to be checking how often someone's been online and getting upset that they've not replied to your message for a few days.

FeralBeryl · 04/05/2018 19:36

Send a back up text. I'm notorious for missing WhatsApp messages as there are so many that some slip down the list.
I also don't receive some depending on my location in our house.
Text her. If she ignores that, move on Thanks

FrankenToast · 04/05/2018 19:38

Yes and no. The message could have fallen down her list if she uses WhatsApp as her main point of contact. She could remember that she needs to respond while she's doing something else (driving, bathing kids, cooking) and then completely forget again once she's free to do so. I don't that semi frequently. She could be waiting to hear back about plans that were talked about before you messaged. Or she could just be being THAT rude. Whatever the reason, either just give her a call, or give her another message when you can see she's online and then take it from there. She may just need that little jolt.

Powerglide · 04/05/2018 19:43

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Tartyflette · 04/05/2018 19:44

I don't get the demand for instant reponses to rext messages, emails etc. I will answer when I get around to it. It's not a priority in my life at all, If someone wants to get hold of me urgently they will phone.
Meanwhile, real life goes on.
As for Whatsapp, I turn data roaming off on my phone most of the time so it can be a while few days before I see messages. Shrug.

eggsandchips · 04/05/2018 19:53

I never, ever check social media unless I feel I can be bothered to reply to a msg (which is generally someone wanting something). I have a really stressful job. If I see there is a msg I get quite stressed out, but once you've opened it THEN you feel you have to reply!! Argh!

pictish · 04/05/2018 19:53

It is rude. But...I’m tired tonight so something else has occurred to me. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed by all our obligations and duties and they can pile up. Sometimes the thought of having to arrange a meet up with a friend in order to maintain the friendship, when you’re not really feeling it (through no fault of your friend) can just seem like too much to deal with. Sometimes when we’re tired and overwhelmed we just ignore the message.

It might be nothing to do with you personally. I can be online and completely blank a message that I know is a request. I feel bad but there are times I can’t deal with it, much as I do care for my friend.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 04/05/2018 19:56

Whatsapp is one of those apps you have to physically open to see the message, and if like me she has notifications from more than one app, and she hits "clear" at a time shes busy and cant respond but just wants the damn light to stop flashing at her/notification alert going off, its easy to then forget.
If she doesn't use it as her main communication with many people she probably doesn't check it often, if she's cleared her notifications she could be blissfully unaware she even has an unread message from you.

FlyingElbows · 04/05/2018 19:57

Maybe she has more important things going on at the moment than replying to someone who wouldn't even bother their arse to call her?

BamBamIsALittleShit · 04/05/2018 20:04

People don't phone each other these days, get with the times! If one of my friends phoned me I'd shit myself with fear at what kind of emergency I was facing.

RideOn · 04/05/2018 20:06

Just send another message, if she still doesn't reply this evening, just make other plans.
Not necessarily rude as she hasn't opened the message, so could be not seen it.
On the other hand I'd just make other plans if she hasnt looked at a second message either.

sonjadog · 04/05/2018 20:09

She probably hasn't seen it.

daisypond · 04/05/2018 20:20

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WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 04/05/2018 20:24

Not remotely rude.

She'll get back to you when she is ready.

For the love of god don't message her again!

When I do this to friends it's either because I'm really busy then forget for a few days, or I'm really depressed and don't want to speak to anybody at all. It's not personal.

Powerglide · 04/05/2018 20:25

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WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 04/05/2018 20:27

People don't phone each other these days, get with the times! If one of my friends phoned me I'd shit myself with fear at what kind of emergency I was facing

Same. My heart would be in my mouth as the only reason any of us would call one another would be if someone had died or was in the hospital, or they've just find out their partner had cheated or left them, or they'd just been sacked.

GreyGardens88 · 04/05/2018 20:27

To everyone saying she doesn't owe OP a response, HANG ON, she's supposed to be a friend OF COURSE OP deserves a response. Christ I wouldn't want to be one of any of your friends if that's your thinking..

WalkingOnAFlashlightBeam · 04/05/2018 20:28

Ah. Not actually asking an AIBU, just out for a fight. Shame you've not got anything better to do on a Friday night Hmm

Graphista · 04/05/2018 20:29

Wow! If that's how you speak to people if they say something you don't want to hear I'm not surprised she's reluctant to get in touch! Wtf!

Halfpastfreckle · 04/05/2018 20:31

Maybe she’s already got some plans but they’re not firm and she’s waiting to know for definite if she’s free to see you? Ie maybe she doesn’t yet know the answer to your question?

Original poster
Powerglide · 04/05/2018 20:34

Shame you've not got anything better to do on a Friday night

Firstly I’m recovering from a major operation so being able to just wash my hair at the moment is an achievement. I have no energy for a fight.

But hey you’re trying to belittle my life and yet you are also on MN on a Friday.

OP posts: