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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To meet up with MIL to discuss broken wine glass!

975 replies

pugreverywhere · 04/05/2018 08:38

Can't believe the previous thread reached a thousand posts, thanks so much for your support everyone!

I ended up reading MIL's facebook messages for me this morning. Turns up she wants to meet up at a café this weekend to smooth things over "without the boys knowing". She also said she would bring the egg pram back (?!).

Haven't replied yet. DH was pretty upset last night; not sure if he is actually considering going NC with his father. If so, it wouldn't be fair of me to meet up with his Mum in secret - but she's always been lovely to me and I'd hate for my GC having no GP in his life.
Ugh! Still so gutted over this whole thing.

You have all posted some very good advice so I am going to sit and read through it until I decide what we do now.

OP posts:
Idontdowindows · 05/05/2018 22:25

Easy to miss, it's been bonkers these threads :D

TellyCushion · 05/05/2018 22:40

@PieAndPumpkins Yes, I could. People are complex, and some people are difficult. We must negotiate relationships. There's nuance - people aren't just good or bad. We need to be more forgiving.

TellyCushion · 05/05/2018 22:40

@PieAndPumpkins Yes, I could. People are complex, and some people are difficult. We must negotiate relationships. There's nuance - people aren't just good or bad. We need to be more forgiving.

millimat · 05/05/2018 22:54

.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 05/05/2018 23:34

ScreenQueen You already have the username for the job. Anything in particular you would like to do now with your newfound fame? Grin

Jamiefraserskilt · 05/05/2018 23:50

FIL was a twat.
Sounds like MIL has tried to point that out but he will not back down
MIL still wants to have a relationship with both DH and you and your child but knows how hard headed her husband is.
Her meet request would have most likely been to try and see if you both can find a way through this. Complete with passive aggressive comments about stubborn men and how she did try to stop it with a compromise, just to make you feel bad and out of order for giving back all the things they bought. I wonder if she is aware be cancelled the scan?
Your FIL sent that message to you. You have every reason to be hurt. DH has every reason to back you on this. Your FIL cannot back down without losing face and has made it worse by cancelling the scan thus extending the issue.
Please back your dh on this. I feel he has had this so many times over the years he has simply had enough. A real shame but MIL now has to choose whether to stand up to him or lose her friend, son and grandchild.

SandyY2K · 06/05/2018 00:28

I can't imagine being as wealthy as them and not being more generous to my only child.

My parents are nowhere near as rich to afford a £150+ wine glass and yet they gave all 5 of their DC...including me money towards a deposit when buying our first homes. You guys are in rented accommodation and can't afford a 4d scan.

Your FIL clearly uses his money to control. I bet your MIL doesnt even have free access to the cash. They (he) decided what pushchair you would have. Why not ask what you wanted and pay for it. The 4d scan was also not a selfless gift.

I do feel MIL is under his thumb. It's awful that she hasn't stuck up for OPs DH.... but we see abused women staying in such relationships all the time here on MN and IRL ...even after physical abuse in front of their DC. I'm sure MIL is in bits over this whole thing.

No doubt if MIL ever dared to try and leave the marriage... even years ago, she would have faced the full wrath of FIL. This is a man who I'm sure would hide his assets so well..MIL wouldn't get a fair share.

I say good luck to him being the richest person in the graveyard.

Every time he looks at those glasses, he'll wonder if it was worth it.

sashh · 06/05/2018 06:08

OMG have you seen te adverts on the Sun page - guess what is for sale for £156?

OP

Told my carer about this yesterday (on a Saturday we have a glass of wine when he is finished) he want to put couple of £ in a crowd funding for your scan, and he looked up the cost and was shocked that they are not hugely expensive. I agree with him.

Anyone else want to contribute?

YimminiYoudar · 06/05/2018 06:26

sashh this has been covered earlier in the thread. While there isn't any reason at all to disbelieve this OP, mumsnet in general discourage setting up crowdfunding in response to difficult situations posted about here. Anyone can make up any kind of carefully crafted sob story to garner the sympathy of strangers. If it wasn't discouraged, how many fraudsters would exploit our sympathy to make some quick cash? However genuine this op is, a crowdfunding response would encourage copy cat fraudsters.

sashh · 06/05/2018 07:44

Thanks Yimmini good point.

topsyandtimison · 06/05/2018 07:46

Where can i find the original thread?

joeytribbiani · 06/05/2018 07:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Xanadu44 · 06/05/2018 07:58

Wow. If I were you I wouldn't block her but I would reply by saying you are too pregnant for this situation and it's causing you stress therefore you don't want to get involved. That's it. Make your MIL go to her son to sort this. This is plain ridiculous! You are 100% right to be sticking by your DH and I hope you're ok xxx

AviatorShades · 06/05/2018 08:06

After having read both threads I was wondering last night, at what point would he have not asked for the glass to be replaced (and even sent a link to where it can be bought)

So..you. Yes.Obv.
Accidental breakage of anything by the cleaner, gardener,etc. Yes.
Member of the golf club/Rotary, etc? No bloody chance!

I'd be inclined,no, I'd definitely, have the replacement glass engraved. With the word 'GRANDAD' on it.GrinGrinGrin

It'll be a permanent reminder the Grand I suspect he'll never know.

(and anyway, glasses with Mum,Dad/whatever on them is so bloody naff, too.) He'll really hate it.

Success! Mission accomplished...

,

SunwhereareyouShowyourself · 06/05/2018 08:09

GRANDADS BABY on glass!

Scoogle · 06/05/2018 08:11

This reply has been deleted

This post has been hidden until the MNHQ team can have a look at it.

Motoko · 06/05/2018 08:14

@joeytribbiani Report the thread to MNHQ then. Troll hunting's not allowed.

joeytribbiani · 06/05/2018 08:16

Iam not trill hunting, Iam simply just expressing what Iam thinking. Just like everyone else.

joeytribbiani · 06/05/2018 08:17

Iam not trill hunting, Iam simply just expressing what Iam thinking. Just like everyone else.

Idontdowindows · 06/05/2018 08:33

"We need to be more forgiving."

No, we don't "need" to be more forgiving. We "need" to assess each situation and decide for ourselves whether or not we wish to continue a relationship with an abuser and his enabler.

eloisesparkle · 06/05/2018 09:12

Sandy I fully agree.
I said as much in an earlier post but you put it so much better.
If the mil had posted about her controlling domineering husband on Mumsnet, Mumsnetters would be falling over themselves trying to help her.
Xanadu is right.
Tell mil that the situation is too stressful for you and your dh will be dealing with it.

Joey you could be right.

Missuseff · 06/05/2018 09:22

OMG jut searched the Sun website and am drying with laughter at the outraged comments! Grin apparently we all are liars and so is everything on here! This from “readers” of that populist rag Grin

Well done, all!

RubyFlint · 06/05/2018 09:36

I agree let DH take the lead on this. Hope you’re ok.

SunwhereareyouShowyourself · 06/05/2018 09:43

Re sun comments.

I find it astounding that people assume because someone is wealthy they wouldn't charge for a glass!

My pils are wealthy and on the first anniversary of dm death before I married dh he took me home and opened bottle of wine.
When fil noticed it was missing he came down on dh like a ton of bricks and said you take care you replace. Now I suppose I do agree with that but its not something I would come down like that ton of bricks on and if dd said. It was just for x.. Dm death I would have instantly shut up. Fil and Mil pride themselves on their perceived penny pinching!!