DH didn’t stop when I said stop

[bijouhibou]

First time having sex after post childbirth vaginal surgery. All was well - better than expected - until very near his climax and I said stop because I was uncomfortable. He said he was going to come, carried on then came about 5 seconds later. I was in great pain and brought tears to my eyes. He was v supportive afterwards but those 5 secs were awful.

I know it’s physically difficult for men to stop when the floodgates open, so to speak, but AIBU re: those 5 seconds?

I wpuld never judge anyone for not reporting a sexual assault. It's a personal thing and some folk just do not feel able to face the shitstorm that could come their way.

It's ok to find your support and validation elsewhere if that is all you can cope with.

Sorry, wrong thread. I've asked my below comment to be removed.

What thread did you mean to post that comment on ?

Sorry I can’t reply to people individually. Everything is a mess. My marriage is over. I don’t know what to tell my family. DH has continued to minimise. I know I was raped and I knew that before when I typed that I didn’t feel like I had been but it’s so hard to accept. Honestly if someone else had posted this thread I would have been right there with the people saying that their DH would never behave like this and would stop immediately at any sign of discomfort etc. It's so unbelievable to me that he’s behaved like this. Never ever done anything like this before. I can’t believe it.

I'm so so sorry @bijouhibou

Do you have any RL support?

So sorry op. Is there anyone you can talk to about this who will help you?

Oh sweetheart. I'm so sorry.

This must be so hard to wrap your head around.

Have you told anyone? Mum? Sister? You need support.

How's the baby?

I'm so sorry Bijou - it's OK to feel like this, I think all any of us have wanted to do is validate your feelings.

You just be devastated that your DH has done something that has caused you to need to end the marriage.

Please don't think that you're at fault here for 'choosing' to end this. None of this was your choice - it was all his, from the act itself, to the way he reacted to it.

I feel sure that this wouldn't otherwise be your choice.

I hope you have some good friends and family to support you. You will also find support on here.

I am sorry ❤

I'm so sorry. Do you have support around you? Family or friends? I hope you are safe with them.

Have you chatted with that lovely best friend of yours yet bijou?

So sorry bijou

I am sorry, really sorry.
Do you have any support in RL? A friend you can confide in? A close family member?
Rape Crisis can be helpful too.

"She has been told it can't be rape unless it is something she is willing to report"

Chilling....................this is what they have based the tax credits rape clause on.

So sorry bijou NONE of this was your fault

i posted that last comment of mine before reading this page.

Bijou it is shocking and difficult to process. I genuinely feel sad this has happened to you.
Please keep posting if you think it will help.

I'm so sorry, bijouhibou I really hope you get the support you need in RL. Rape Crisis really are excellent, I can recommend them absolutely.

Sending massive hugs of support to you, that realisation is like being hit by a truck. I can second Lizzie's suggestion of rape crisis, they were truly a god send when i needed them. Please don't feel this is in any way anything you could have prevented; when the time comes to tell your family, what you tell them is your choice & yours alone. I hope you have some decent support irl, even if you don't want to discuss it just a shoulder means the world.

Take care of yourself

I'm so sorry, Bijou. The whole thing must be a terrible shock and difficult to get your head and emotions around, made worse by him responding in a way that hurt you more. I do hope you have loving support around you.

Bijou, I'm so sorry. Of course you can't believe it, no-one wants to believe that from someone they love and is supposed to love them. It's devestating and is going to take time to process. Take it one hour at a time and look after yourself. Eat and drink, even if it's nibbles and sips, especially if your babe is breastfeeding. I echo other posters about gathering as much support as you can, you need and deserve it. Please take care x

Much love from me too bijou. So sorry that your DH is behaving like that. He sounds in denial of his actions, don’t let his inability to take responsiblity for this confuse your clear headedness about what you know happened and how you feel about it. There is strength in this clarity. Don’t let him blame you, confuse you, belittle you. X you have the power of being the one without anything to feel ashamed of, so tell who you need to tell in order to find support.

Bijou

The minimising must hurt so badly.

My advice is to seek counseling - Rape Crisis would be very good.

Then when you are used to talking about it, and when you know some good ways to talk about it to other people, and when you are confident enough to say it and ask your family for the sort of support you need from them, talk to your family.

I'm so sorry. Please reach out to rape crisis and they can support you. Whatever he is saying to minimise doesn't change what happened and none of this is your fault.

Bijou, if you were my friend or even a colleague or a school gate first name only Mum I would have you stay or take you out for hot chocolate in a heart beat. You have not chosen to end your marriage your husband has ended it for you. Well done on making a huge decision to protect yourself. Can’t add anything to the useful advice given by other posters.