DH didn’t stop when I said stop

[bijouhibou]

First time having sex after post childbirth vaginal surgery. All was well - better than expected - until very near his climax and I said stop because I was uncomfortable. He said he was going to come, carried on then came about 5 seconds later. I was in great pain and brought tears to my eyes. He was v supportive afterwards but those 5 secs were awful.

I know it’s physically difficult for men to stop when the floodgates open, so to speak, but AIBU re: those 5 seconds?

I wouldn't talk to a friend about this, you may well regret it in the long term when this is long forgotten (yes, you can get past this if you both want to and are prepared to put in the work) and yet it will stay in your friend's memory forever when you wish it didn't.

And there you have it. Even villageshop admitting it's so bad, it would forever tar a friend's opinion of him.

Everyone has their own boundaries when it comes to intimate relationships, and a lot of that is based on what you've grown up around, what's been modelled to you, and your own experiences.

Urging someone to put up with something you've put up with (in the past) - or put up with (to this day) - or think of is normal, isn't sound.

Bijou, this is your decision to make. And if you decide you just want to put this past you, that's up to you.

Lots of women see this sort of thing as just part and parcel of being in a sexual relationship with a man. They don't hold men to the same standards as they hold themselves to (I know village and all her supporters would never do this to their own partners).

But it's OK to not be OK with this this, as well. It's not (even close to) an over-reaction.

If you start seeing yourself as a victim of rape that could have massive implications for your home life... that's all I'm saying

So, what are you saying? Women should put up with being raped in order to keep the peace????

It’s not the 15th century, you are aware of that, right?

yes, you can get past this if you both want to and are prepared to put in the work

... and what sort of 'work' should Bijou be putting in to get past this...?

Shame on you all telling the Op she has been raped, Op said not. That mean she withdrew her consent.

He continued to "have sex" with her after consent was withdrawn.
This constitutes rape.

Which is why people are telling op she was raped. Because SHE WAS.

Op said no

I wouldn't talk to a friend about this, you may well regret it in the long term when this is long forgotten (yes, you can get past this if you both want to and are prepared to put in the work) and yet it will stay in your friend's memory forever when you wish it didn't*

Honestly, I shudder every time you post, village.

Why should the OP hide this onnher DH's behalf? If she wants to talk to someone, she can. If what he did was so appalling that a friend would never forget it, then he has more work to do. I am not sure the OP has any work to do!

You said stop. He should have stopped. He knew what you had been through, during childbirth and post delivery. I'm so sorry for your pain. I'm shocked he couldn't care about you enough to stop when you said stop.

Hope you're ok op

First time after baby I was enjoying myself but every sound I made husband stopped and asked if I was okay. You had just given him a baby there is no way he should put himself before your pain. It should have been about you and your comfort! I'm sorry he carried on and didn't stop, it isn't fair at all.

All I'm saying is don't blow it out of proportion.

OP is your DH loving and a good farther? Do you think you were raped?

He was wrong for what he did.

This thread is the gift that keeps on giving.

What dark corner of the woodwork have you all been hiding in?

*All I'm saying is don't blow it out of proportion.

OP is your DH loving and a good farther?*

Lost for fucking words here.

Yes but Luisa and her 9 yoga friends discussed it and they thought OP should just get over it, so that's fine 🤔

Honest to god, if my daughter came home and told me her husband had done this, I would tell her to pack a bag. At the very least it has shown a complete lack of respect and broken trust in the worst possible way. If you haven't got trust in a partnership, the what's left?

*then

WS12

Your post suggests sex without consent shouldn't be an offence. Don't you think that's odd?

I've reported your posts but this thread is a disgrace to Mumsnet. Sorry OP. It's not 'hard to stop'. He just didn't want to.

No, sex without consent is an offence. But I think we need to use our common sense here. He needs telling off for sure! But to say the OP has been raped by her DH and the father of her children - look at the bigger picture please. He did two or three thrusts after she said stop - it's happened to me! I wouldn't say I'd been raped. It's madness. And a total insult to women who have been through really traumatic experiences.

WS12

What is the name of that offence?

*WS12
*
I bet you're the kind of person that tells someone who has just found out they are unwell, 'well at least you aren't dead.' 'Well count your blessings, it could be worse.'

How about have some fucking compassion and don't try and have a hierarchy of sexual fucking assault!

I'm just saying look at this with some common sense and perspective. WHAT HE DID WAS WRONG I agree - but for some PPs to say "pack your bags you've been raped". I mean come on. Life doesn't work like that. She's in a marriage and this needs talking through - but to say she has been raped for like 5 seconds it's insane. Maybe it's made worse by the fact he came. All I said to my DH was it really hurt and next time when I say stop you have to right away as it really hurts. That's all.

I actually pity some of the women on this thread. For some reason, they do not feel equal to men. Men's wants and needs are far more important than theirs. As women they must pander to their men. I wonder why that is?

I love how bigots, rape apologists, disablists, racists, homophobes, all use the term 'snowflake' to try and put down people that are offended by their spewing bile.

How about have some self respect and understand that your body is not his pleasure paddock and that real life works how ever you make it. Just because you chose your husbands pleasure over his pain doesn't mean it's right.