To set some ground rules for ndn

[Lovelise]

We moved into our house about a year and a half ago. Ndn is a youngish man who is acting as power of attorney over his house.

For the past couple of weeks he has been doing up a motorbike.

He has a court yard garden directly under out DDs window. DD has just turned 4.

The only thing is that he revs the engine to the max and fills my daughters room with petrol fumes.

Anyway, tonight was the final straw when he started revving it at 9pm this evening. I don't mind him working on it during the day and have put up with it for weeks.

I went upstairs and gave him and his possy an earful. They turned it off reluctantly. They also talk really loudly outside her window when he has friends round.

So, AIBU to go round tomorrow and ask him to not make anti social noise after 7pm as that's when DD goes to bed?

Am I at risk of sounding like my mother?

Be careful how you treat here OP. He's not acting illegally. You want to maintain a good relationship or you may find he does things deliberately to annoy you. Perhaps a chat over a cuppa would be more appropriate than giving him "an earful". Appeal to his better nature.

*tread not treat

Not this again! You cannot expect the rest of the world to revolve around your child's bedtime. Ground rules? You're not in charge of him.

I know, I gave him an earful tonight because he was being unthoughtful. I mean, who revs thier motorbike engine at 9 o'clock at night under a 4 year olds window?

I'm not great with confrontation and my heart was beating out my chest.

He's not your child and not breaking any laws so YABU to even consider setting ground rules for him!
How would you feel if a neighbour tried to dictate what you could do, where and when?
You could try explaining to him which room your daughter sleeps in and when she goes to bed but unfortunately he's not obliged to make any changes to his behaviour.
You may need to think about changing the room that she sleeps in.

I'd just invite him over and try to come to an agreement that suits both of you. Don't quite understand the reference to PoA - can you explain? You can't demand he keeps quiet in his garden - but you can ask. If the worst comes to the worst, can your daughter move?

AIBU to go round tomorrow and ask him to not make anti social noise after 7pm as that's when DD goes to bed?

YABU. You do realise the world doesn't come to a standstill just because it's your PFB DD's bedtime, don't you?
7pm is not late, particularly at this time of the year when it's still light outside.

Cross posts.
If you've already given him 'an earful' rather than discussing the situation calmly then you're already on the back foot.

Expat. So what would you have done? I expect some consideration from my neighbours. I would never ever do that to someone else, especially if I knew they had children.

Absolutely and completely unreasonable. Although I dare say that if he came to you and gave you an earful about your child disturbing him then you would come straight on here whinging about your ndn nit being tolerant of normal family noise.

I understand that I can't enforce him to be considerate but perhaps some prior thought to the time of night he wants to make rev his motorbike to the max would be nice.

'Expat. So what would you have done? I expect some consideration from my neighbours. I would never ever do that to someone else, especially if I knew they had children.'

Put her in another room. Put a fan on in her room or other white noise machine. You can expect all you want, but he's not doing anything particularly wrong and giving him an 'earful' is just going to piss him off. People can't and won't dance round your child's early bedtime.

I think its okay to ask him to stop revving his motorbike at 9pm under your daughters window..... but laying down ground rules? that does sound a bit mental as hes not actually doing anything illegal at all and what you are describing would not be considered antisocial by the police.

Much better to appeal to his better nature by being nice and trying to win his sympathy. You dont want to antagonise this situation because actually it could be much worse.

Just pop round and ask him politely if he wouldnt mind trying not to make noise near your childs window after 8pm because she is in bed then and you are having difficulty with her sleeping (or something)

Hopefully he will turn out to be a nice person who makes some effort.

YABVU to even think of setting ground rules for an adult you barely know

As PP said, the world does not revolve around your PFB and her bedtime

I do get that loud talking outside and motorbike tinkering are very loud and annoying. But not illegal especially not at 7pm!

Move your daughters bedroom elsewhere in your house.

Talk to him like an adult, don’t tell him off as if he’s a child, don’t have a tantrum, explain that he’s disturbing your daughter and if there’s anywhere else he can hang out and tinker. He probably doesn’t realise how loud it is, or that 9pm is particularly late for that kind of noise. Some people will moderate their noise when they’re made aware it’s a nuisance. Some people won’t. But your attitude will make a difference, if you get his back up he might think “fuck you” and be worse than ever, if you act like a reasonable adult you have more chance of getting him on side

Normal family noise is not motorbike engines being revved at 9pm.

Ground rules? You want to set your NEIGHBOUR some ground rules? 😂😂😂😂😂

YABVU.

If it bothers you, move her into a different room, or use a white noise machine to drown out the noise. Close the window to avoid the fumes if possible.

Yes, he could have been a bit more considerate but your attitude would royally piss me off. Your child's bedtime is not his problem.

I understand. I won't be telling him off! We stop and chat when we see each other. Perhaps ground rules was the wrong way to put it...

I'm not changing my daughters room because of a noisy neighbour and no fan would of drowned this racket out !

So you'd be fine if he stopped revving at 8 59pm?

Be careful OP - you are in danger of pissing him off mightily and making things much worse for yourself.

You sound like you are going in all guns blazing. Remember you catch more flies with sugar than with vinegar.

So what would you have done?

Tried asking nicely rather than leaping out and shouting at him.

I'm not changing my daughters room because of a noisy neighbour

Then I'm afraid if you're not willing to make changes, you have no right to complain about the noise. I had the back bedroom in my childhood home for this precise reason - because it didn't overlook the street and meant that I wasn't disturbed by cars or whatever late at night/early in the morning. Our neighbours were all retired so garden noise at night was never an issue.

If she's being kept awake, move her!

Revving engines in proximity to neighbours at 9pm is anti-social. They can find some other time to do it, and I would object to the fumes coming in my house whatever time of day.

And not everyone has other bedrooms to move people into.

Set ground rules? You need to get over yourself OP.

Maybe ask him nicely but he does not have to give a shit what time your dd goes to bed.