To set some ground rules for ndn

[Lovelise]

We moved into our house about a year and a half ago. Ndn is a youngish man who is acting as power of attorney over his house.

For the past couple of weeks he has been doing up a motorbike.

He has a court yard garden directly under out DDs window. DD has just turned 4.

The only thing is that he revs the engine to the max and fills my daughters room with petrol fumes.

Anyway, tonight was the final straw when he started revving it at 9pm this evening. I don't mind him working on it during the day and have put up with it for weeks.

I went upstairs and gave him and his possy an earful. They turned it off reluctantly. They also talk really loudly outside her window when he has friends round.

So, AIBU to go round tomorrow and ask him to not make anti social noise after 7pm as that's when DD goes to bed?

Am I at risk of sounding like my mother?

I did raise my voice because it was bloody loud! I also waved my arms about a bit to get thier attention.

I did give them an earful but I didn't swear or call them names.

They had been doing it all day long, so why they thought that 9pm was an excellent time I have no idea.

op I’m pretty sure you don’t realise how you’re coming across here. You keep talking about your child and normal ‘family noise’.

You do realise that some people are not part of a family and not all families involve children. Neither is not more important than the other. You can’t expect the world to revolve around your ‘family’.

9pm is late to be revving a bike close to people's houses.

I'm not sure I really care how you think I'm coming across.

Revving motorbike engines at night is anti social and I'm glad that I asked them to stop, because they did and my child could get some sleep and the neighbours could have some peace and quiet.

Poa was just for background. Not sure why I thought it was relevant.

Well, it would still be good if you would explain this!

It’s always a good idea to keep on good terms with neighbours. Are you certain your child or family doesn’t ever cause any noise that might disturb him? Early in the mornings at the weekend? Playing non silently in the garden when he might be taking a snooze?

Tomorrow I suggest you find a moment to apologise if you sounded ratty but were really struggling with settling your dd. Then ask very, very nicely if he could try to find Somewhere away from the house to make the engine noise if it’s during the evening.

If you continue you risk all sorts of worse noise. And remember at the moment 9pm is late in the evening for you. In 10 years if a neighbour asked you to keep your dc quiet by 9pm you’d be on here saying how unreasonable that was.

Well that’s nice Lovelise I was just trying to explain why you’re getting the replies you are. But that’s fine, I assume you also won’t care when your NDN thinks you’re an entitled arsehole when you try an implement your ‘ground rules’.

I didn't say that he shouldn't socialise with friends, just not rev his engine to the max at night.

Too much to ask?

OP: AIBU?
Everyone: Yes
OP: No I’m not.

Head. Wall. Bang.

I don’t understand why you have asked AIBU when you are not interested in listening to other people’s views and have already decided that your are not being unreasonable.

It isn’t reasonable to expect someone not to make noise in their own garden after 7pm , especially in the summer.

The suggestion made several times on this thread is to approach the neighbour politely and appeal to his better nature - this is your best option. Take biscuits, be nice. Apologise for shouting , explain the issue and ask if he would be able to keep it down after 7pm. See what he says - but don’t go nuts if he says no. You can close her window, put a fan on for white noise.

This is just the stuff of life , not a big issue !

If the reverse was he asked you to stop your child making a noise when she plays in the garden because he like a lie in in the morning would you think that unreasonable? It's the same thing. You find his motorcycle annoying, he has no kids and would potentially find the noise of a young child shouting/ crying annoying. It's just life when living in close proximity to other people. You just need to get over it I'm afraid.

I really do understand why this is very annoying op. However the usual thing is to ask him would he mind not doing it quite so late as it’s waking you DD up. Not to give him an earful.

It most likely didn’t even occur to him that this might be annoying.

I have heard the message loud and clear. Softly softly catchy monkey.

I got into the circle of doom trying to defend my actions.

Why post in AIBU if you’re not prepared to accept that Yes, you are being unreasonable?

Your sense of entitlement is astounding. As for setting ground rules for your neighbour, no of course you can't. Who the hell do you think you are? He would be fully justified in telling you to fuck off.

No doubt you'll be compliant when he tries to set ground rules for your precious offspring about the amount of noise she makes which disturbs him? Yeah right.

Perhaps I'll think about wording next time I post in AIBU...

Definitely no mention of Power of Attorney..

And yes, all my offspring are extremely precious to me.

I wonder if you'd be so quick to be setting "ground rules" or going round giving him an earful if he wasn't a "youngish" man and was instead someone older who might give you a proper earful back.

OP: AIBU?
Everyone: Yes
OP: No I’m not.

Head. Wall. Bang.

This ^

YABVU, slightly less so once you've started watering it down as you go through the thread.
However, the first step in any issue with neighbours, is to have a chat - be that knocking the door and going in, or inviting them round for a cuppa, but politely getting to know them, and then, politely explaining that the thing they are doing is causing you some angst and asking if there might be a way you can resolve it. Not {going} upstairs and gave him and his possy an earful and not "setting ground rules for him" .
If course, you do risk him also saying what it is about your family's living arrangements make life difficult or annoying for him too, and you might need to think about compromises around that.

Yep. Absolutely would.

Politely though...and take some biscuits.

Does it actually keep your child awake or do you just think it might?

You want to set ground rules for another adult??? Wtf? Who died and made you god? after i’d stopped laughing at you i’d tell you to fuck off quite frankly !

It woke her up.

I'm well prepared to be told to 'fuck off' but I'm sure he's a reasonable sort of person who can empathise with me.

If it were me I would have asked you to move your daughter to another bedroom, because that is more reasonable than what you asked. You made yourself sound pathetic.

But surely the appropriate thing to do would be to go round and say nicely 'Hello, NDN, I'm OP. Um, just wondered if you could avoid revving your motorbike engine in the evenings, because it's right underneath my daughter's window, and she goes to bed quite early? The noise of it is a bit of a problem' Then take it from there.