To set some ground rules for ndn

[Lovelise]

We moved into our house about a year and a half ago. Ndn is a youngish man who is acting as power of attorney over his house.

For the past couple of weeks he has been doing up a motorbike.

He has a court yard garden directly under out DDs window. DD has just turned 4.

The only thing is that he revs the engine to the max and fills my daughters room with petrol fumes.

Anyway, tonight was the final straw when he started revving it at 9pm this evening. I don't mind him working on it during the day and have put up with it for weeks.

I went upstairs and gave him and his possy an earful. They turned it off reluctantly. They also talk really loudly outside her window when he has friends round.

So, AIBU to go round tomorrow and ask him to not make anti social noise after 7pm as that's when DD goes to bed?

Am I at risk of sounding like my mother?

Sadeyedlady - that's tomorrow.

I couldn't leave the house as I'm alone with 2 children.

Why could t you leave the house? If both kids were asleep and the fellow was close enough for you to be heard from your house, your ndn is clearly quite close to you. I don’t see why you couldn’t leave the house? Put you shoes on, pull the door to, take your keys with you if you’re totally paranoid....where’s the issue? It’s not like you were leaving them unattended!

Ground rules

Oh come on you lot - who the hell would want this situation themselves? Some of you would argue black was white if you could. I’m with you op.

Wilberforce42

I have no issue with the OP asking him not to rev his engine outside her window. I'd do that. But it's a request. It's not 'rules', is it, because she has absolutely no authority over the other person.

Personally I'd play on his conscience (yes, we all have one!!)
I'd go round today and apologise profusely saying you walked into your child's bedroom and found her coughing violently (and crying) due to the noise and fumes.
Chances are he'll feel pretty bad especially if you're being so apologetic for your outburst in the heat of the moment.

If that doesn't work, report back and allow mumsnetters to come up with the most horrific revenge.

Hell hath no fury......

Asking him to stop revving the engine is fine.

You really can't set him ground rules though. People respond better to civil conversation.

He has a courtyard garden. He has a courtyard garden. As in...it’s his garden. A garden he may use as he wishes.

Yanbu to think the noisy revving is inconsiderate, given the unfortunate positioning of his garden under your dd’s room. Ywb hugely u to ‘give them an earful’ as though he had done something wrong and owes you his compliance - he doesn’t. It’s a conflict of interests and yours don’t trump his. The world does not revolve around your personal circumstances.

It would have been better if you had approached him in order to appeal to his better nature because really, that’s all you can expect in this situation. Bashing in there like the wronged party has probably got on his tits now.

As for ‘setting some ground rules’...don’t be silly. You have no right to do that.

Yanbu- those who disagree have never had someone do this - it is the fumes as much as the noise.

My DD (4) would befriend him and give him a telling off herself but also would make him a thank you card and probably cakes, for letting her sleep at bedtime. She looks like a little cherub but is a bossy devil so this works like a charm and i get to be the kindly Mother gently reprimanding her

jugglingsatsumas
Yanbu- those who disagree have never had someone do this - it is the fumes as much as the noise.

I've had several nightmare neighbours and can honestly state that this ndn isn't one of them.

The OP should ask him if he would do this for her, but she has no remit to demand it.

Also what’s a possy?

A misspelling of posse.

You can ask, you can't tell.

His response may well depend upon how nicely you ask and how reasonably you explain your situation.

You portray yourself as someone who needs to learn basic assertiveness and conversation skills. You're either quietly putting up with things, or shouting at people, with no 'reasonable discussion' mode (in which you make your case, listen well, discuss) in between.

I'm definitely not going to discuss rules.. I put that because I was frustrated about the noise.

No rules! Repeat, no rules.

I'm going to pop over today and try to appeal to his better nature. I'll take the kids for extra impact..

He his noisy with his friends but I've never ever said anything and never would. It's just this huge racket last night that woke DD.

Haha, I have perfectly adequate conversational skills thank you.

We've been through Poa already. He looks after the house for someone.

I put it in for background which wasn't necessary.