To think it's impossible to explain how painful labour is?

[Mamabear1475]

Sil is trying for a baby. She asked how painful it is. I told her there is no way to describe it. She said it must feel like something. I can't think of anything that explains the feeling

People do minimise the trauma of it all!

I really don't get that impression from reading this thread. Some people have horrendous experiences with lifelong consequences, some of us don't and find the whole experience empowering. Your truth is not more valid than mine (can't help noting you seemed to go straight for an epidural so actually have no idea how you would have found the pain).

A straightforward birth that does not require much intervention has a faster recovery than one where someone has an epidural. There are complications associated with epidurals. That's not to say they are 'wrong', and the whole NCT 'cascade of intervention' is emotive nonsense but the NHS approach of see how you cope and the drugs are available if you need them is sensible because every labour is different.

I’ve tried to say to my SIL that some people have lovely births with quick recoveries but that I didn’t and needed pain relief. That’s as much as I think you can do really as everyone has very different experiences.

Also I genuinely can’t remember what it felt like so I can’t describe how it felt. All I remember is that once I was on the drip my contractions were constant with no break and I was desperate for an epidural which I hadn’t really wanted. I also remember being very gushing about how marvellous anethnesist was.

At the moments of worst pain with ds1, I wanted someone to kill me and take the pain away, it was utterly horrific.

I wasn't even very dilated, I progressed very slowly and only got relief when they finally relented and I got an epidural.

Ds2 was much quicker. I was induced and all was fine and then all of a sudden, horrific pain and me writhing around like a wild animal. It was quick though and the overwhelming urge to push was oddly satisfying. I didn't get that with ds1 because of the epidural and he was delivered by forceps which have destroyed my fanjo and left me with lifelong problems

I was induced with a cooks balloon, aka medieval torture device, went from 0 - 100 on the contraction front, was supposed to go home and 'relax' for the next 24 hours and then go back in but by the time we got back from the hospital (15 min drive away), we had to go straight back in, whereupon they removed the torture device and I had 14 hours of contractions lasting a minute with about 45 secs in between.

Sweating, vomiting in between each one, and only got to three cm dilated in that twelve hours.
I think the fear of knowing what was coming in that 45 second break was worse than the actual pain. But it was like this unbelievable burning pressure, of bitter (best word I can think of to describe it) period pains x100 that spread from my bum at the way up to the top of my ribs. Gas and air, pethidine and laughably, paracetamol didn't touch the sides. It also felt like time was standing still.

I was so relieved when my waters broke and there was meconium in them (I know that's awful, but I just remember thinking thank god, now they have to do something about it). So they took me down for an epidural and the drip, and the contractions seemed to ease off a bit, think it was because I knew the pain would be over soon... Then slept for a few hours and woke up to be told to push, could just see the waves of contractions happening on the machine, I remember laughing and joking that I couldn't feel a thing!

The worst pain after that was in my head during the pushing, felt like my head was going to explode with the pressure. Didn't feel the episiotomy or the ventouse delivery. But once the drugs wore off, the soreness kicked in. That's another thing no-one really warns you about (probably for good reason), the discomfort and pain afterwards. I couldn't sit down for a week and couldn't walk properly for about three.

However, as PP have said, Mother Nature is designed to make you forget about the pain, and you sort of block it out. And plus, for most people, yes it is the worst pain you will probably ever experience, but there is at least an end in sight to it (not that you remember that whilst in the throes of contractions).

User1471426142 I did the same. The relief of the epidural was nearly instant, I went from mooing like a cow and crying (not proper crying, just silent tears running down my face), to laughing and joking and telling the epidural chap he was my best friend, and complimenting his scrubs and superb injecting skills.

He backed away slowly... he did pop in later on when I had had a sleep though to check and see how I was, I thought that was pretty nice.

I suffer with a bad back (prolapsed discs), and my back is way worse than my two labours were. I managed with gas and air on both, and my stitches hurt way more. I think it is down to the individual and genetics. My mum had easy minimum pain labours too. (But I do realise how lucky we were!!)

I also remember looking at the baby when she was placed on my chest, and thinking what the hell do I do now? Emotionally, that was the most terrifying moment, as in the labour etc was over, and now suddenly I was completely responsible for this little human.

The other thing that surprised me was how urgent the need to push was when the time came. The NCT woman had said that it would be a powerful need and you wouldn't be able to not push when the time came, but it still caught me out. I went from no urge to push at all, to 'I MUST push now or I might actually die' in the space of one contraction. It was utterly primal - I remember screaming at the midwife that I HAD to push NOW (I think I thought she was going to tell me not to!).

And also, I remember panicking a bit at one stage when I'd been in labour all night and was only 4cm dilated - I burst into tears because I thought that meant that I was going to be in labour for days, just progressing on at the same rate IYSWIM. Of course, labour doesn't work like that - I went from 4cm to fully dilated in a couple of hours max - but I was so tired and in so much pain I couldn't think straight at the time and I just remember saying 'I can't keep doing this for another day!'

I think it's at least as important to be prepared for these feelings as it is to be ready (insomuch as that's possible) for the pain.

Yes the pushing urge was shocking. My midwife had left the room when the urge cane and I was screaming at dp to go and get her. She came in and told me I couldn't pushing yet. Your body doesn't give you much choice. She was screaming at me not to push. And then started screaming at me to push harder two minutes later. Bloody midwives but she was fabulous through my contractions

For me it was just the same as my period pains. I have awful period pain and IBD .

I actually thought I was dying.
I said to my DH I think I'm dying.
Thank god for the drugs! 🙈

I'd tell her that it's not like other pain because whilst it is painful, no doubt about that but you know there is a time limit on it and a product (baby) of the pain so you just deal with it. (With drugs!)

I don't think it's helpful to try to even describe it! With my first I went to some hideous birth prep class where they told me that the head crowning was the most painful part of labour. Fast forward to the birth and I found the contractions bloody painful and got completely terrified of the head crowning.... now for me that bit wasn't even painful and he came out with one push, this is not a brag but what a waste of time all that angst was for! Every woman is different and every birth is different.
My advice is always to try not to worry and if you feel it's getting unmanageable ask for pain relief. It really annoys me, women bragging they had no pain relief, who cares? It's not a competition. I've had fast labours with no pain relief and a very long drawn out birth where I begged for pain relief. (I wasn't given any 🤣) the important thing is that you will get through it and your baby will be ok. Generally I found at the point I felt it was getting too much it was actually the last part and nearly over. The other things by to remember is unlike any other pain as soon as you have delivered, the pain virtually stops.

I just say that the pain is impossible to describe as it's the first time you've experienced it, having nothing to compare it to and it's soon forgotten. This is true for me, although from reading these replies I'm seemingly in a minority. I honestly view the experiences of both my births as extremely positive and I am nostalgic for them. I usually say that the late stage contractions are worse than the actual crowning (crowning came as a relief to me, as it's a different pain).

Some pretty good explanations on this thread. For me the contractions were bearable but that "splitting open" feeling which they describe as shitting a melon made me very apprehensive and not keen to push as hard s I was being told to ( I had zero desire to push and needed a lot of "encouragement"). But at least with this particular pain you can be pretty sure that it will all be over by, say lunch time, and the excitement of meeting the baby is like a child feels excitement at Christmas. High excitement and pain is a combination that only goes together in this context!

Definitely agree with the crushed to death description

My first labour felt as if my abdomen was being squeezed really hard.
Can't remember what my second one felt like. The pain didn't really register because I was focussed on keeping it in until I got to hospital.
The third one felt as if I was being stabbed in the side by a knife. It was very intense, but over quickly.
The other thing I can remember is the head crowning, then the actual birth. Yes that did hurt a bit even with gas and air, but it didn't last long. That was kind of a burning feeling, and I was scared to push but I knew I had to.

Oh yes, just to compare it to other pains, I've experienced much worse pain from bad toothache. I've heard that kidney stones and acute pancreatitis are considered much more severe pain as well.

Its bearable because of the pauses between contractions. Severe pain but unlike other types its not constant.
One thing I'd mention to her is that the 'I can't do it/I'm going to die' transitioning stage is the point where its nearly over. I'd realised this by the time i had DC3 and it stopped me panicking as much as I did with the first 2.

I think it's not just hard to describe but hard to remember afterwards. I know intellectually that both my labours were extremely painful, and I made some noises I've never made before or since, but even though I tried to write down some of my impressions soon afterwards, I have no real sense of what it was like now. (DC are grown up, but I would have said the same thing years ago.)

I've heard that there is is a valid evolutionary reason why we are programmed not to remember, and that does make a lot of sense.

Like dying.

I had back to back contractions, overlapping at times, for the entire labour. There was no build up. There was no respite. There was no chatting in between. Constant agonising pain.

Nothing like the movies. Or apparently the text books either.

Don't tell her that though. I think my labours were odd.

Most people have either fast/intense labours, or slow/okay labours. I had slow/intense. Fucking horrendous.

I am so happy no more children!!!

Its bearable because of the pauses between contractions. Severe pain but unlike other types its not constant.

Mine were constant. It was horrendous. Started 1 minute apart, continued 1 minute apart for 16 hours.

Same with second labour, but third was a bit more text book. Although I got stuck in transition. That wasn't fun. At all.

One thing I'd mention to her is that the 'I can't do it/I'm going to die' transitioning stage is the point where its nearly over

Yes to this^^

My mum said to me that when she was in labour with me, she grabbed her midwife and said "Surely you can't be in this much pain and live?!" Lol.

With my dd1, I was lying on the bed, actively looking for a window to get out of, like if I left the building the pain would stop! I hate it when the midwives ask you to get off the bed and go for a wee! I'm like er I can't move!

I describe it as turning inside out through your arsehole........