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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's impossible to explain how painful labour is?

521 replies

Mamabear1475 · 03/05/2018 17:49

Sil is trying for a baby. She asked how painful it is. I told her there is no way to describe it. She said it must feel like something. I can't think of anything that explains the feeling

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 04/05/2018 13:42

Oh yes, pushing was interesting. First time, no urge to push- pushed when told. Second time, body pushed by itself, I had no control over it at all. Gentle push for the head? Uterus wasn't having that.

StarUtopia · 04/05/2018 13:44

When i was asked what it felt like the only thing close enough was being cut in half with an axe that was on fire.... or simply that my body was going to rip in half.

This. Oh and I thought I was going to die. I mean, actually die.

UpstartCrow · 04/05/2018 13:47

Pushing freaked me out. I cant actually describe how freaked out I was to lose so much control over my own muscles - they just got on and did their thing while I freaked out about it at the other end.

I would have done the breathing exercises more, except I had puked at one point but wasnt allowed to clean my teeth (or anything to drink), in case it made me puke again. I was in labour for 24 hours so that was a bit grim and unnecessary imo.

CatWhisker · 04/05/2018 13:47

I remember being in labour and i know it was really painful but I don't have any memory of what the pain was like.

MaMisled · 04/05/2018 13:51

With my first, I honestly, seriously wanted to die rather than endure it for another second. Most terrible experience of my life. Awful. Number 2 and 3 were a breeze.

RatherBeRiding · 04/05/2018 13:53

I didn't find it all that painful. It was like very painful period pains - cramping sensation. Pushing wasn't painful at all, because I didn't - my body pushed all by itself. Bit of an odd sensation but not at all painful.

However, I suffered years and years of absolutely horrendous period pain with just over the counter analgesic, so labour was a walk in the park in comparison.

I've suffered far more from toothache, migraine, sinus pain etc.

Not all labours are painful - particularly if you are physically fit, with good abdominals and good core strength.

Thundercatshoooo · 04/05/2018 14:46

I do hope there aren't any pregnant women reading this thread!! If there are I think some of these descriptions are pretty extreme.

The pain of a contraction is like a period pain but 100 times worse, kind of felt like my insides were being rung out. Pushing the baby out stings/burns like hell, as you'd probably imagine something stretching that much. All very manageable though.

I've done it twice and I'm keen to have 1 more so if can't haven been that bad!

FostersHomeForImaginaryFriends · 04/05/2018 14:48

I do hope there aren't any pregnant women reading this thread!! If there are I think some of these descriptions are pretty extreme.

When I was pregnant all I read on threads was that it wasn't that bad and I would forget it all once I met my baby.

Which wasn't true.

Scabbersley · 04/05/2018 14:51

Not all labours are painful - particularly if you are physically fit, with good abdominals and good core strength

porridgeandsaucepans · 04/05/2018 14:51

the pain was everywhere, even in my eyelashes, but obviously concentrated in the vagina. But you do get something really great at the end.... (like being given a free car after someone has chopped your legs off)

FostersHomeForImaginaryFriends · 04/05/2018 14:53

Not all labours are painful - particularly if you are physically fit, with good abdominals and good core strength

Oh bollocks.

justabunchofbunting · 04/05/2018 14:56

I honestly think its the fear and panic that makes the pain a hundred times worse. Which is why many women report subsequent labours to be easier to manage than their first.
First labours tend to go on for ages and also its completely unknown... I was thinking I was actually going to die.
This time around I feel a bit calmer because I know my body can take that amount of pain and heal from injury in time. Hopefully that will help me be less afraid of the pain this time around.

I liked it on my hypnobirthing CD where it was saying its not actually pain its 'power, pressure and warmth'.... made my husband laugh and does sound trite... but it did actually comfort me.
Its different to normal 'pain' because it is not something alerting you of a problem your body is having, it is actually only the sensation of a physical process that will eventually end and that your body does need to be doing. Its not like a broken bone or having a leg severed... because its a natural process that will end not a problem that needs to be fixed.

UpstartCrow · 04/05/2018 14:58

Its not fear, panic or being unfit that makes pushing an 8lb person through a hole the size of the eye of a needle painful.

Cellardoor23 · 04/05/2018 15:02

Everyone has a different pain threshold so it's hard to explain how painful and where your pains will be.

From my experience all my contractions were in my lower back. The only way I can describe it was that it felt like someone was stretching my bones on either side as if I was on some sort of torture device. Never experienced pain like it.

ladybee28 · 04/05/2018 15:04

God I love this thread. Best contraception EVER. Keep 'em coming, ladies!

DragonNoodleCake · 04/05/2018 15:05

@Love51 totally agree. First was natural spontaneous, hurt like hell but slow build up helped me prepare. Second was induced and it was so chaotic and just relentless, I felt like I couldn't get my self mentally settled to cope with each contraction.

Strokethefurrywall · 04/05/2018 15:06

I found it painful but not unbearable and I found the sweep my OBGYN gave me more painful.

I hypnobirthed with my first but i was lucky in that he was in an optimal position, was a 6lb-er, I had a doula, and OBGYN and all the drugs I could ever want on standby in case I needed them. He was out in 4 hours from start to finish so I never really needed them.

To me, the contractions were like the worst gas pains ever that you try and writhe away from but can't. I don't recall pushing being particularly painful though, I was scared of the crowning pain but I don't recall any pain, only of this whoosh as he came out. I pushed for 40 minutes with him so the relief was immense.

With DS2, my body voluntarily pushed come 10cm and he was out in 3 easy pushes without me having to think.

I do find this question weird though, no two labours are the same even for the same person! It's like trying to explain to someone what a broken arm is like... you can't describe it really.

Changingagain · 04/05/2018 15:07

It was a million times worse than I ever could have imagined it would be. I got to the labour ward at 5cm after about 6 hours of very painfull but very manageable contractions, then a midwife gave me a sweep without asking and it was like going over a cliff. I couldn't move apart from involuntarily kicking my legs and during the peak of the contractions I couldn't see or hear. Maybe I am ridiculously bad with pain (or I was out of shape ) but I find it hard to beleive that women who are able to walk around and have conversations during labour really felt the same thing as I did so I think it's just different for everyone.
I was nervous of childbirth before the event, I'm terrified of doing it again. Not enough to put me off though.

Damnthatonestaken · 04/05/2018 15:12

Mine were all induced. Dd1 & dd3 werent so bad. Dd2 i genuinely thought something was wrong and i was going to die it hurt that much. All you can say to someone is that each labor is different and no shame in pain relief if she really needs it

RatherBeRiding · 04/05/2018 15:18

Why is it bollocks, Fosters?

Or maybe I was just incredibly lucky to have easy labours, no stitches, walking about and holding conversations right up to second stage and back on my feet immediately.

Or maybe the hours in the gym in the months beforehand made a difference. Who knows? Everyone is different. It might have been coincidence. It might have been the gallons of raspberry leaf tea. It might have been genetics. It might have been all in my head.

However, being so fit did mean:

No stretch marks
No weight gain
Back into size 8 jeans within 10 days.

I am sure some women have a dreadful time in labour but the original question was about explaining the pain of labour and sometimes women who've not had a baby need to hear that you CAN sail through it without batting an eyelid.

apostropheuse · 04/05/2018 15:24

I had three rapid labours which were excrutiatingly painful. It was unimaginable, indescribable relentless pain, with no breaks between contractions, and I thought I was actually going to die. When I pushed it was a relief as it took the pain away. My 4th labour was longer...14 hours of gradually increasing pain where I got a break in between contractions, the severity was less and it was so much easier.

My mother had told me it wasn't that bad and I wanted to kill her for not telling me the truth. I was unprepared for it.

NoParticularPattern · 04/05/2018 15:25

I felt a lot like I was being turned inside out. And my back was agony- I didn’t want to lie on it but all other positions only made the pain worse. No one prepared me for exactly how much the crowning part would sting. And that you absolutely shouldn’t stop when it starts stinging- it only makes the stinging last longer and happen again. The pushing part was so bizarre for me. I was breathless because of the pain but I needed to catch my breath to push. Then my muscles did it all on their own. It felt a lot like being turned inside out the same way that you can’t stop yourself retching when you’re sick. Oh and yes. It feels like the baby came out of your actual arse.

StarlaPriest · 04/05/2018 15:29

Pushing freaked me out. I cant actually describe how freaked out I was to lose so much control over my own muscles - they just got on and did their thing while I freaked out about it at the other end

Upstart i so know what you mean but this did make me laugh!

I've had four and each one has been very different, differing amounts of pain, different labours, different levels of excitement and/or fear. I don't think there's a way to fully portray the pain of giving birth, no. And reading some of the stories on here i've come to the conclusion we shouldn't try - imagine being an expectant mum reading through this thread! Poor buggers

justabunchofbunting · 04/05/2018 15:40

upstartcrow I said it made the pain worse not that it created the pain!!
Fear makes anything worse.
My experience was when I look back at it made much much worse by the terror I felt.
Ive been in pain before but ive never been that afraid. Pain deffo IS easier to get through if you are not panicking.

Im not at all saying that women are responsible for the pain they feel or that there arent very real physical reasons why some labours can be much more painful than others.

My hope is that a second labour will be calmer even if the pain is physically the same. I personally feel being calm would really really help me more than any pain meds would.

Had them all with my first and it just made me panic even more because I was so out of it and it didnt even really do anything about the pain.
The epidural was good and Id have that again if I needed it.... but the gas and air and pethedine only made things worse for me because I felt so out of control.

This time im all in for the hypnobirthing! I think its worth a go. Thought it was all complete woo before my first birth.

This is not a criticism of anyone elses choices or experiences.

Bubblesandsquarks · 04/05/2018 15:41

@fosters I wouldn't say its bollocks, being physically fit will help to an extent.
A lot of it is down to luck but its not always horrifically painful either, my first wasn't that bad at all. i didn't need gas and air and it was just 'bad' pain, then my second and third were awful.

Just because @ratherberiding had a very different experience to some other peoples labours doesn't make it bollocks.

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