PIL has sent be a bill for a broken wine glass

[pugreverywhere]

Yes, had to namechange.

Went to PIL' home last weekend, had a glass of wine and I accidentally dropped it. No big deal, they shrugged it off. I get on well with both FIL and MIL, have been with DH for 4 years now and we are having our first child in 4 months.

They're well off.. as in, VERY well off.. DP and I on the other hand live in a rented 3 bed semi-dettached property so definitely not as well off.

I didn't know at the time, but said wine glass apparently happens to be pretty high end. FIL has this morning sent me an e-mail saying that I can just transfer the £156 to him or buy the glass online. He even attached a link and included their address, should I not know it by now(!).

At first I thought it was a joke only to realise that these people have no sense of humor, so they obviously must be expect me to pay them ASAP. Haven't told DH yet. Really shocked at this as they are not known for being stingy.

AIBU not to pay this? I am tempted to buy a £20 glass off Amazon!

Blimey don’t take your crawling baby round to their house ever, imagine the potential invoices

Your DH has made it worse.

I'm not sure where you go from here but it would make me want to pay for the glass even LESS.

Return everything he has given you for the baby. Explain that you hope he will be able to recoup the cost of the glass by returning or selling said items.
Inform him that you will never be able to take the risk of visiting again, especially not with a small child.

Oh really, @FASH84? Facebook?

It was a few years ago - a champagne flute with tiny coloured asterisk style stars all over them.

DH has to pay to borrow his father's car?

Give them the fancypants pram back. Tell them that you already have a decent system. And then tell him to fuck off.

An I right in understanding he charges his own son a fee for borrowing a car?

Sorry Op I have to place mark

You're all on good terms, or you were. Try to keep it like that.
.
"Dear FIL, I'm afraid there's no way I can afford £156; I'm sorry but we simply don't have it. I had no idea the glass was that expensive - I might have been too scared to touch it if I'd known! I am so sorry I dropped it. Is there another way we can make it up to you, as we really don't have £156. Yours, etc"

Just be honest.

I'd take all my own crockery, linen etc in future! I'd also not bother with a Father's Day present!

So turns out MIL did know.. She has sent DH a text saying "Dear son if you just transfer 60 quid I will make sure your dad gets the glass xxx) .. Now my dh is packing the Egg stroller and crib and other fancy stuff in the car to drop off at theirs. Unfortunately he will have to hold on to the lended car (for work reasons) until he can find a replacement this or next week..

I haven't engaged with either FIL or MIL since.

You could return the ridiculously expensive pram and let them get a refund to replace the glass. Then put the £156 towards something sensible.

Wow! Families are so weird sometimes.... I don't blame either of you at all x

As my dear old dad used to say - ‘There’s more running around than there are locked up.’ This could apply as much to the - minority - of posters on here, as your FiL.
The bottom line here is that this sort of behaviour is inescapably loopy, but is only on even nodding terms with acceptable, IF EVERYONE IS APPRISED OF ALL THE INFORMATION. When you have a drink at someone’s house, does it occur to you how much the vessel you’ve been handed, freely and unremarked-upon,, cost? No. If you give it any thought at all, do you think it might cost as much as a month’s council tax? No. If, knowing that, would you feel comfortable handling it? No. You also need to think about the propensity of something to break easily. I’ve never seen ‘Family Fortunes’, but I’ve seen enough ‘It’ll Be Alright On The Night’ to get the premise, and if you asked 100 people what the most breakable item in a household is, 87 would say ‘a wineglass’. Did you open their teak cabinet, take out a delicate ornament belonging to FiL’s great-grandma, and carelessly toss it from hand-to-hand while discussing the sad death of Dale Winton? No. You accidentally broke a glass that you couldn’t possibly have known the value of. And they aren’t friends, or acquaintances: they’re family. The whole thing is stone cold barking. Please tell FiL that his middle-class pretensions are showing. A really classy person wouldn’t dream of behaving like this.

“It's such a lot of money for a wine glass, but if you'd broken something else of a similar value, maybe a phone or a tablet or an antique of some sort, I think people would be telling you that you should replace it or pay the cost. Would you mind so much if you'd been asked to replace something like that if you'd broken it? ”

The vast difference is that she was offered a beverage in a container. She wasn’t told it was a £156 container for liquids and should she have broken it, she would be expected to replace it. Because you know, she’s sane.

Had she accidentally knocked an antique vase over or damaged an iPad/phone she asked to borrow, then I could see your point.

Wow x-post, you are already in the process of returning it all

I almost just wish we'd bought the stupid glass now. I have no family nearby and felt like this has spoilt the good chemistry between me and MIL..

How about a nice set of Ikea wine glasses for your FIL for Father’s Day

Ban FIL from seeing the baby when it is born - in case he breaks it.

Good on your FH for returning the fancy stuff. This sounds so ridiculous though, is it possible FIL might be in early stages of dementia?

Wow! Just wow.
I really think you're doing the right thing. It will be interesting to see they're reaction. They'll either be back pedalling like mad or they'll get huffy.

Petulant Polecat - YES. THIS. She couldn’t possibly have guessed the cost of something which is, ultimately, an everyday utensil.

Tbh it sounds like your MIL is trying to smooth over it with the £60 suggestion. You may be able to have a rapprochement with her. It’s probably best to let your DH deal with it all and watch from the sidelines.

"I'm actually astounded at your attitude to this. We're going to have a young child running about soon. I've always assumed you would welcome our visits but clearly, we won't be able to visit you for fear of costly breakages."

If he's paying a fee to borrow the car can he not just hire one for a few days? I'd make sure he tells them that you won't be visiting with their GC ever as you can't afford to replace their carpets should the baby puke all over it. CF's of the highest order, way to alienate your family .

I doubt FIL has dementia, he is very bright and is in a very demanding job, owns several businesses that he runs himself etc..