To disagree with nursery potty training ds

[Soubriquet]

Ds was 3 at the beginning of march and has been attending this nursery since he was 2.

It's a fantastic nursery and I've never had any problems with it.

However yesterday, they sent home a note asking for pants and spare trousers as they were going to start potty training Ds.

I don't want them to potty train him. I was waiting until the summer holidays like I did dd as it was so much easier when she could walk around with no clothes on, she understood better and was trained in 3 days. She was 3.4 years when I did it with her

I suspect they want him to move up to the next group and they require them to be potty trained in that group. Something that was never mentioned when I joined him there.

Would you speak to the nursery and request they don't do it?

My biggest problem is that Ds seems to be immature for 3. He has only recently started to speak in full sentences and even the struggle to understand him is difficult. I honestly don't believe he will understand it just yet.

I potty trained my daughter at 1.9. Looking back I feel it was too early but her big bro was due 3 months later so I wanted her sorted. I was quite laid back with my son. He was about 2.6, he was as you’ve described your son. Not speaking very well, seemed quite immature for his age. He was potty trained in a day and had no night time accidents. I was shocked by how easy it was. Your LO might surprise you. Do it during the next half term if you want time.

I work in a nursery, we would never do this! We follow the parents wishes and support them and their child when they are ready. If a child was showing an interest in using the potty or toilet while at nursery we would mention it to their parents but would never demand they potty train. We also don't expect children to be trained by a certain age or in time for moving to a certain room- we understand that each child is an individual and develops at their own pace.

Just because the summer is easier for you doesn’t mean that your son isn’t ready now. Making him wait until it’s easier can really put a spanner in the works.
Let them potty train him at nursery and reap the benefits.

@mammasmitten UTI etc have nothing to do with toilet training

I was toilet trained by 14mnths and my daughter was too....entirely HER doing as she was desperate to use the toilet.
I fully support your sentiment of doing it when they’re ready - this is how it should be done and not forced by anyone else or some aged based BS.
BUT toilet training doesn’t lead to UTI’s and BS such as that is just as bad as telling parents their child should be toilet trained by such and such

UTI etc have nothing to do with toilet training

Holding urine for prolonged periods can cause UTIs though.

If they are starting him now purely based on his age but he isn't ready yet, then wait. However if he is ready don't put off until the summer holidays.

At my DS’s 2 year check the health visitor told me I needed to potty train and move him out of his cot before the baby arrived 2 months after. He wasn’t showing signs so we did neither. At 2.6 in the middle of winter he just refused to have his nappy on so I told him he’d need to use the potty or toilet, got a load of briefs and 5 pairs of comfy tracky bottoms ready for all the accidents. Despite being severely speech and language delayed he only had 1 accident in the first 2 weeks and had no issues with poos; although at 10 he has never had a poo at school. About 6 weeks after starting potty training he started throwing his nappies out of the cot at night and was dry in the mornings, I hadn’t expected that. He decided when he was ready and we just went with it.

He was assessed at 4 for ASD but his eye contact was too good 🤔, he was finally diagnosed at 9.

My son was 3 in March and has delays and some autistic traits although not enough to diagnose... at least yet! I wish someone would offer to potty train him for me! I don't know where to start

Are we really saying some kids don't withhold if pushed into it? I can't believe anyone thinks that. And we know withholding can lead to UTIs. It would seem very unlikely that trying to force a child before they want to couldn't possibly be a UTI risk.

If you can find a school where they will take him in nappies, the choice is all yours. But if the teachers at his school are, like most of them, stressed with too many children for one teacher to handle and no nurse or similar help in sight, they will tell you he needs to be potty-trained before being accepted.

Anyway, what's your problem? It's not as if they're going to torture him. Nowadays potty-training is playfull and fun, with stories and stickers etc. 😊

I am smiling reading this thread and realising how things have changed. My eldest is nearly 18 and back then 2 -2.5 was a normal age and you still got my parents' generation saying it was ridiculous to wait so long and they'd done theirs at 12 months when actually they just sat them on the potty and "caught" it. My DD was bright and articulate but just not ready and despite my best attempts wasn't out of nappies properly until about 3 months before turning 3. I felt such an abject failure! It was worse with DS1, who had all the autism tests and had a speech delay (not autistic, now in top sets and about to take GCSEs). He was just gone 3 when he trained. By DS2 I was expecting failure so didn't even try early and then one day I found him weeing in the toilet by himself age 2.5. He'd obviously got fed up of waiting for me!
My point is that until now I've considered potty training to be my biggest failure as a parent. To read that now it is considered fine and normal to wait until 3 has made my day totally. Thank you all soooo much!
And to you, OP- you know your child better than anyone else. Go with your gut feeling and sod what nursery want.

One of my DS had delay with speech and there is a link between that and toilet training, can't remember exactly how old he was as it was a long time ago but I would speak to them and do it in his own time (I agree the summer holidays is a great time to try)

it's not about if a school will take them in nappies Sennelier they have too as has been said many times they are not allowed to discriminate 🙄

If you can find a school where they will take him in nappies, the choice is all yours.

A school cannot refuse to take a child in nappies.

Oh, and the op's child is at the stage of moving up a room in nursery, not starting school (but even if he were, they still would not be able to refuse him)

All schools will take children in nappies if they're made to. It's not a choice based situation for them. Even the poster upthread who said her school say they won't, described a situation where the child soiled, the parents refused to attend and the staff dealt with it. Because they had to.

I’m in Belgium, and it’s a pretty normal thing here for the nursery to start potty training. All the children of a similar age start it at the same time, and it helps for them to see each other sitting on the potty and maybe even producing something!
School here starts at 2 1/2, and children have to be toilet trained by then or they can’t start so there is more pressure.
Personally I was really pleased when my kids had the opportunity to sit on potties at nursery as well as at home. I think it made it much easier for them.

The thing is, a school will accept a child in nappies.

They will do so with, if not pleasure, at least with willingness and equanimity if the child has SEN which makes attaining daytime bladder / bowel control particularly hard.

Such support will be written into the child's specific care plan (whether that be EHCP or at a lower level) and, in cases of significant SEN, resourced (obviously a child being changed takes an adult out of the classroom - in a typical Reception class of 30 with 1 teacher and 1TA at best, that can lead to problems in terms of effective management and education of the other 29 pupils unless there is additional resource).

Schools will also accept a child with no SEN, and no specific reason for late daytime continence other than 'they weren't ready yet', in nappies. The issue of resource then does become acute - 3 or 4 children in Reception in nappies, and that becomes a very significant element of 1 adult's daily job, reducing the time and resource available for education, either directly in that class, or elsewhere in Reception rather than to higher classes in the school.

That does mean that the school may be somewhat less happy about a child in nappies for no specific reason, because they can see the wider picture of the effect that it has upon the education of the wider cohort.

I would emphasise again that SEN / medical needs - no problem, as the nappy changing becomes part of the adaptation around that child.

Oops, section missing 'either directly in that class or indirectly due to TAs / other support staff from higher up the school being deployed in Reception'.

cantkeepawayforever many children start school with no diagnosis of sen

....sorry posted too soon.
But will go on to be diagnosed later on. It is increasingly difficult to access additional support for children at early years level, and children starting school so young means that even if toilet trained accidents need to be factored in

In the nursery I worked at I could have 13 children aged 3-4.

for 2-3, year olds the ratio in a nursery is one carer to 4 children, and for 3-5 year olds it's one carer to 8.

If you are a qualified early years teacher the ratio is 1:13 for over 3s (although some settings still prefer to maintain a ratio of 1:8 even with an ey teacher)

Chintaria I'm in Belgium too. Starting potty training in nursery, starting school at 2,5 years of age and more or less nappie-free - "accidents" not withstanding. As long as children are not harassed about the potty thing, having the initiation together and having each-other to see an example is really a great start wouldn't you say 😊

@smeddum prolonged, yes - excessively holding on to your urine. But this is perfectly normal toilet training....not training to do be able to do a 24 hour police surveillance shift. Learning to control your bladder....is....believe it or not....normal and isn’t a known cause of UTI’s.

Hold off on the potty training. That could be traumatic for him, done by them, like that, if he is.
Don't listen to your doctor either. Terrible that he was able to bill for that appointment/advice.