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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my parent secretly enjoy this?

130 replies

malificent7 · 01/05/2018 16:37

My dad and his misses are having a lovely retirement which they deserve but they seem to enjoy my work struggles / struggle to find a sitter etc...
When i asked them to sit on the day of the week when they do salsa as a one off ...i got the reply that they never went out when i was a child.

OK...Im being unreasonable to ask but i sense it is tit for tat

OP posts:
wurlie · 01/05/2018 16:38

Unless there's a backstory I can't see why that's tit for tat?

They have a hobby, why should your night out take precedence? Find another sitter or go out a different night.

Justmuddlingalong · 01/05/2018 16:39

Can you get a babysitter?

Nikephorus · 01/05/2018 16:41

Or maybe they feel that as you know they have a regular hobby YABU to ask them when you could pick a different, more convenient night?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/05/2018 16:41

Yabu. They don’t owe you babysitting.

FizzyGreenWater · 01/05/2018 16:43

Find a babysitter.

Feel great that they obviously won't be expecting you to take them shopping/fix things/be emergency contact etc when they get older and need care.

MrsJayy · 01/05/2018 16:45

My mum wouldn't have baby sat for a night out either 20+ years later It still annoys me. They don't have to baby sit even if would like them too try and find another babysitter and let it go.

Trinity66 · 01/05/2018 16:47

Why should they cancel their class so you can have a night out? Hmm

Original poster
malificent7 · 01/05/2018 16:47

It was just a one off sort of emergency thing....i think the tit for tat thing is that i stopped them from going out so why should they babysit for me and still not go out which is fair enough...

OP posts:
Original poster
malificent7 · 01/05/2018 16:48

I dont want to babysit...
I think i also get a lot of 'well we dont gave to work etc....'

OP posts:
LockedOutOfMN · 01/05/2018 16:49

Your parents don't owe you babysitting. YABU.

EdmundCleverClogs · 01/05/2018 16:51

Are you serious? They don’t owe you babysitting, especially when they have other plans. It’s tough when you don’t have the option, but that’s unfortunately the pitfalls of parenting sometimes.

Onpoint32 · 01/05/2018 16:51

Obviously they don’t ‘owe you’ any babysitting but surely it’s natural to want to help your kids out and have the grandkids every once in a while?! OP YANBU.

PicaK · 01/05/2018 16:55

I think it's ok to ask for babysitting help.
I think it's ok to say "no can do"
It's not ok to be cross if someone says no.
BUT
Neither is it ok to say "no i won't because i never got nights out" That's just flinging it back in your face and making you feel bad for something you didn't have much control over.
Flowers - don't bother asking again. I'd be hurt too by the unnecessary addition of that reason when a simple no would suffice

RafikiIsTheBest · 01/05/2018 16:58

Try sitters.com OP. I've heard good things about it and looking at signing up (as a sitter, still no DC here).

DontCallMeCharlotte · 01/05/2018 17:02

Try replying with "I didn't ask to be born"!

Lacucuracha · 01/05/2018 17:03

YABU

Tit for tat for what?

That implies you have done some tat that they are giving you tit for.

What have you done?

Aprilmightbemynewname · 01/05/2018 17:03

Imo different generations are of the opinion that dc are instead of a job /social life .
And back in their day blah blah..
Agree to join a babysitting website.

SardineReturns · 01/05/2018 17:10

Mine are like this, actually they do help a lot now the kids are bigger, but there is a strict line, they will help it is to cover for work, they will not if it is to cover for anything "fun". The reason being that they didn't have any help when we were young.

The one I remember most is when DD1 was a baby, I had PND anxiety and depression, I think a lot of it was to do with lack of sleep. Anyway they liked me to go and visit (which I did even though going out was the thing that gave me anxiety atatcks), they're a walk away, and when I was there I asked my mum if I could sleep on the sofa for 20 mins while she watched the baby and she said no.

Because, no-one watched her babies for her.

I just thought, well, that's a bit harsh isn't it? I would watch a friends baby for 20 mins to let my friend have a rest on the sofa.

Anyway, yes some parents are like that.

PyongyangKipperbang · 01/05/2018 17:12

The OP does make it clear it was a ONE OFF EMERGENCY, not for her to go out on the piss!

It annoys me when people say this.

No they dont owe you anything blah blah, but neither do I owe friends who ask me for a lift if they are stuck or to babysit occasionally, I dont keep a tally and expect them to pay me back, but I know I can ring them if I am stuck, give and take. Its just what you do for people you care about.

to me it just says that they dont actually care very much about you if they wouldnt help you out in an emergency. Do they expect you to help them if they need it? Because if they do then I think you need to start saying no, and making it clear why.....tit for tat works both ways.

Original poster
malificent7 · 01/05/2018 17:13

I think imnupset because they listened to me for over an hour on Sunday talkilnlgk about how down i was about dds behaviour, how i can never go out...sometimes even out ofthe house and how i was finding motherhood really tough.

I think they are simply delighted that they dont have small kids anymore ( and secretly pleased that im going tbrough what they did!)

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 01/05/2018 17:13

I dont understand why parents dont help their kids out.It was an emergency op and you where stuck.

Just remind them of this when they want something.

HazelBite · 01/05/2018 17:14

When my DC's were young there was no family around to babysit for us, so I joined a babysitting circle so dh and I could have a social life.
However now I have grandchildren I do a huge amount of babysitting/child minding, I don't penalise my DC's because I had no support when my dc's were young.

LifeBeginsAtGin · 01/05/2018 17:14

Perhaps they don't agree with your lifestyle and don't want to facilitate it?

Original poster
malificent7 · 01/05/2018 17:15

Typos sorry aggr!

OP posts:
steff13 · 01/05/2018 17:16

What is a "sort of emergency?" It's an emergency or it's not. My youngest is 7, and I'm pretty delighted my kids aren't babies anymore, there's nothing wrong with that. Do they not want to watch your daughter because she has behavior problems?