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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that my parent secretly enjoy this?

130 replies

malificent7 · 01/05/2018 16:37

My dad and his misses are having a lovely retirement which they deserve but they seem to enjoy my work struggles / struggle to find a sitter etc...
When i asked them to sit on the day of the week when they do salsa as a one off ...i got the reply that they never went out when i was a child.

OK...Im being unreasonable to ask but i sense it is tit for tat

OP posts:

WomaninGreen · 01/05/2018 17:51

Gleeful?

Why have children if you're going find them, and potentially their children, so much of a chore?

I know it happens, when I was 20ish my parents took in a friend who'd had major surgery, because her parents couldn't be arsed. As a family, we've never spoken to get parents since and she's moved away and keeps minimal contact.

I wonder if they whine about their DC not keeping in touch. Bet they do. Stupid fuckers, dudnt deserve to have DC.

Prettylovely · 01/05/2018 17:51

I dont understand not helping your children, just because they are adults.

I totally understand op, When I was a single Mum of two under 3 after the ex left and didnt bother seeing my kids or paying for them, my Mum would say it was easy and no different to being married when I eventually plucked up the courage to express how hard I was finding it, She also told everyone else how she felt about me saying I found it hard and apparently they all agreed with her
Hence to say we are no contact now after many years of emotional abuse.
Some people have no empathy and make rubbish parents.

Pengggwn · 01/05/2018 17:55

I think they're being a bit unkind, OP. I would want my free time in their shoes, but as a one-off I wouldn't mind babysitting.

Oldbutstillgotit · 01/05/2018 17:56

I really don’t get this MN attitude where people are told they ABU to ask GPs to help with DC . Do families not help each other? I have DGS to stay one night a week to give DD a break and if she asks for other help I do what I can to accommodate. Not only am I helping DD but I get to spend precious time with DGS. My DPs never helped me when DC were little . Attitude was very much “ you’ve made your bed etc” even when I was on my knees with pleurisy and then DH was offshore . Yet when DM asked for help as she and DF became older, I was expected to jump through hoops ! I didn’t.

Harleyband · 01/05/2018 17:57

I honestly thought it was just my parents who were like this and that there was something wrong with me.
We moved to be closer to them at their request. They moved across the country.
They refuse to be left alone with the children when they do visit.
I asked my mum to keep an eye on youngest when she was little while I ran upstairs. She said "She's not my daughter"

While they still lived close to us I asked if my mum could come over for half an hour a few weeks after I'd given birth as I had a bad cold and needed to sleep. She refused saying "Your DH should have taken this week off for paternity leave" (like he could have predicted I'd be ill)
The thing is my own grandparents (both sets) were great, helpful, always willing to help and my parents had a very active social life. They just feel absolutely no obligation to pass that on to the next generation. As result they have little to no relationship with their GC which, honestly, is their loss.

hildabaker · 01/05/2018 17:58

I know what you mean, OP. Some parents are like this, I don't know why. My parents occasionally babysat when my DC were little, and when I asked my mum to help out 3 hours a week for a little while, I had to pay her.

ChoudeBruxelles · 01/05/2018 17:59

Unless it was an emergency yabu.

Floottoot · 01/05/2018 17:59

I'm with the OP.
I've had the same attitude from my mum - " I had 4 children and no-one ever helped me out! "
I'll never understand the attitude that grown up children have a duty to look after their parents, but are being unreasonable if they expect any kind of help or support from them.

SardineReturns · 01/05/2018 18:00

Nah @Lacucuracha

Given that they left me to my own devices as a kid I am plenty independent now, I've got a car, can afford a cab and anyway live in London so public transport is great.

I wouldn't ask anyway as they'd either say no or make a massive song and dance about it and make me wish I'd never bothered (they do this if I invite them to do stuff with me and DC which again I do very occasionally out of duty not because I want to )

Weirdly I have a friend who has parents who are similar, so at least I can bitch about it with her!

MumofBoysx2 · 01/05/2018 18:02

Why are you asking them to babysit on the one night they do their Salsa class?

SardineReturns · 01/05/2018 18:02

"I asked my mum to keep an eye on youngest when she was little while I ran upstairs. She said "She's not my daughter"
While they still lived close to us I asked if my mum could come over for half an hour a few weeks after I'd given birth as I had a bad cold and needed to sleep. She refused saying "Your DH should have taken this week off for paternity leave" (like he could have predicted I'd be ill)"

Sounds very familiar!

Mine are involved now the kids are bigger and I keep a close eye for them being awful to them. I've come to the conclusion that actually, it's just me... That's good for the kids though!

SardineReturns · 01/05/2018 18:03

Mine came round to see the baby after being born but even if asked wouldn't do anything to help. I was quite ill and they'd say things like "You don't look very cheerful!" in a sort of challenging way that wasn't looking for an answer.

SardineReturns · 01/05/2018 18:04

I mean they didn't know I was ill as I didn't tell them but it must have been pretty fucking obvious.

SardineReturns · 01/05/2018 18:05

Anyway yes some parents are like that and I think for posters who have nice parents it can be hard to understand which is why they look to the posters to say >> what have you done wrong to make them behave like this.

SmashedMug · 01/05/2018 18:13

Ooh I knew your username felt familiar! Are you really surprised that they don't want to babysit?

TeeBee · 01/05/2018 18:29

You can wash your hands of their old age care guilt free.

darklady64 · 01/05/2018 18:29

My MIL did this. It only hurt her in the end. Any requests for help (and we made very, very few) were met with a long lecture about how no-one helped her, she never had any time off, she had to cope so we had to too. You would have thought that, having had it so tough, she might want to make it easier for her children, but she seemed positively gleeful that now we were stuck (as she saw it) with small children, and rather disappointed that we muddled along just fine, really. Once the grandchildren grew up, they stopped coming to visit granny as they had no relationship with her, and her own children moved away. You reap what you sow. I use her as my example of how not to be a MIL.

ISaidIWasTired · 01/05/2018 18:40

I'm always a bit shocked at these 'your parents don't owe you babysitting' responses.

I don't take the piss but my parents enjoy babysitting for me occasionally, as they should... we are a family and we all love each other and want to help each other out!

Plus - shock horror they enjoy spending time with their grandkids 🤔

Original poster

malificent7 · 01/05/2018 19:39

I know ...imagine enjoying grandchildren!!

OP posts:

wurlie · 01/05/2018 19:39

You're not a teacher.

Original poster

malificent7 · 01/05/2018 20:11

Wtf...i do supply teaching...how do you know?
i was a ta...am now teaching till i retrain. Creepy and irrelevant.

OP posts:

SmashedMug · 01/05/2018 20:57

Bollocks are you 😂

SardineReturns · 01/05/2018 21:00

Bit confused by recent responses to op, what gives?

BakedBeans47 · 01/05/2018 21:06

Obviously they don’t ‘owe you’ any babysitting but surely it’s natural to want to help your kids out and have the grandkids every once in a while?! OP YANBU.

This. My parents help me loads with the kids as did my Gran with my sister and I.

Prettylovely · 01/05/2018 22:56

Smashedmug and wurlie, What are you talking about?

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