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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my parent secretly enjoy this?

130 replies

malificent7 · 01/05/2018 16:37

My dad and his misses are having a lovely retirement which they deserve but they seem to enjoy my work struggles / struggle to find a sitter etc...
When i asked them to sit on the day of the week when they do salsa as a one off ...i got the reply that they never went out when i was a child.

OK...Im being unreasonable to ask but i sense it is tit for tat

OP posts:
rwalker · 02/05/2018 06:32

They had plans and said no simple as that .My mil told us form day 1 she worships grandchildren but not to rely on her for babysitting b4 they went to school she did i day a week for 2 years as we were really stuck but soon as it changed and there was after school clubs she stopped. Said it was her time now done with years of raising kids had them to stay over every now and again loves them to bits and idolisise them .She was completely honest and can't see a problem with that.

Springnowplease · 02/05/2018 06:34

I don't have grandchildren. If I did I suspect that I would happily babysit for one offs but wouldn't want to do "childcare".

I can sort of see where your parents are coming from. Since DH retired we've been enjoying the sort of freedom we haven't had since we were students. Spontaneous days out/overnight stays, road trips, hobbies and just having fun while we still can.

Mean of them to rub it in, though.

Original poster
malificent7 · 02/05/2018 07:15

I think i was being unreasonable to ask them to babysit on salsa night. It wasnt a proper emergency...an old friend had asked me out for a Mayday celebration spur of moment so yes i was veing totally unreasonable....
I DO think that they enjoy reminding me of how dad and my LATE mum never went iut for 10 years so why tge gell do we want to go out.

So yeah...i was being a bit of a dick i admit.

No idea why some think i don't teach...yesterday i came home from a tough day supply with a 2 hour commute each way and am off to my regular teaching job today....

Not relevant...so no i shouldnt expect anything.

My dad's misses is his partner. Lovely lady but i fo think they enjiy listening to our struggles.

I am totally on board with them enjoying their retirement instead of childcare.

Fwiw dd refuses to be babysat by anyone else than granpy

OP posts:
Original poster
malificent7 · 02/05/2018 07:21

I think it was the rubbing it in bit ...nit the refusal to do it...the general hehe he

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Appuskidu · 02/05/2018 07:24

No idea why some think i don't teach

Was it the 9-5 comment? Grin

I can totally see your point, though. No, your parents don’t have to help you but it would have been nice! Some people seem to revel in other people’s misery-it’s quite unpleasant :(

MessyBun247 · 02/05/2018 07:31

If your parents had no babysitters when you were a child, and they found it difficult, surely they would be willing to help you out every now and again because they wouldn’t want you to struggle like they did. Cus ya know, if you care about people then you don’t mind helping out sometimes because you don’t want them to struggle like you did?

Sadly though, there are people in life, including family members who do enjoy seeing others struggle. They take some kind of weird pleasure from it.

MessyBun247 · 02/05/2018 07:32

I wonder when your dad is old an frail will he be expecting you to help him.

ScaredPAD · 02/05/2018 07:33

I was with you until the last post. You expected your parents to cancel a regular commitment just so you can go out on a whim?

Sardine. I could have written almost all you did. I have complete lack of interest bordering on glee at suffering from my parents. I even rang my dad in desperation when husband worked away and I hadn't slept and was going loopy to ask if he could just sit with baby while I slept. Nope.

Redrunbluerun · 02/05/2018 07:36

When I’m (hopefully) a grandparent Id love to look after my grandkids... I’d want to see them and have a relationship with them. They’re family, not some distant friend. I don’t understand the harsh replies you’ve got.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/05/2018 07:39

I thought the querying you being a teacher was because of your writing style and spelling mistakes tbh. Eg In your op, calling your father’s wife his misses (missus btw).

my2bundles · 02/05/2018 07:54

From what Ve read they have refused once because they have a commitment on be same day every week, one which you know about. They do babysit for you at other times. Yes I agree it's nice for them to help you but you carnt expect them to drop their own commitments every time you shout.

jkl0311 · 02/05/2018 07:55

This does make me laugh an "emergency" out with mates. Get in the real world OP!! My parents occasionally offer to watch dd for us to go on a date, home by 9! Where's your partner in this? Can't he sit with baby??

PrimalLass · 02/05/2018 07:58

I hope I'm never like that when my kids have kids. Surely you have them for life, knowing that you are always going to be there for them? In our family we all help each other out.

lanbury · 02/05/2018 08:17

There is no way I would ever expect, or ever ask, my parents to change any of their plans for me. YABU

Turkkadin · 02/05/2018 09:25

It is very hard sometimes to see other people with kind supportive parents being involved grandparents and doing it because they enjoy it, not begrudgingly or just not bothering at all.
My parents have 5 grandchildren and have never been interested in any of them. 3 are now adults and 2 are teens and none of them seem to care about my parents that much. What a surprise! I have accepted them as they are because I have never had any choice in the matter.
Life is about good luck and bad luck. I just wasn't lucky when it came to parents being supportive of me. It has made me very self sufficient!

The80sweregreat · 02/05/2018 09:35

I am surprised that my sil and brother have so much to do with their two grandchildren to be honest - they do school runs once a week and have them stay over and for baby sitting etc. They had nothing at all and had to get on with it on their own when their two were little . i thought they would be the same, but they are not.
i have a friend who has to travel miles to her g/kids and stay over to help them out - she is prepared to do all this - my parents wouldnt have done it at all or my inlaws.
It does grate though when people have had lots of help, but still moan about their relatives not doing things as they would do them, or not having anything to do with said relatives now the children are much older - a bet a lot of ' using' goes on as well at times, even if they are paying them.

Original poster
malificent7 · 02/05/2018 13:03

I have a dodgy phone hence typos plus when im not working ir upset my language is sloppy....soz!!

OP posts:
Original poster
malificent7 · 02/05/2018 13:04

Or

OP posts:
Original poster
malificent7 · 02/05/2018 13:09

I also feel conflicted as im glad that my dad is enjoying his retirement and doing loads of activities...but also im a bit envious.

I'm too selfish to ve a mum really although i love dd with all my heart.I want to have it all but can't...like thousands of others

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Original poster
malificent7 · 02/05/2018 13:12

I would also like to point out that i will be happy to help care for dad in his old age....im not that mean. But i wont do all of it.

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 02/05/2018 13:59

We are very very lucky as the grandmas on both sides move heaven and earth to help, and both drive a 100-mile round trip every week to see us.

stargirl1701 · 02/05/2018 14:07

I think you just have to move forward and make a promise to yourself that it will be different when you are the grandparent.

I will be there for my DDs if they chose to become parents. Just to listen and love and take care of them.

My friend's Mum recently popped round to hers. She saw how tired said friend was and did bath & bed for her grandchild. She then ran a bath for her daughter too. When my friend got out and came downstairs, her Mum had tidied up and popped the dishwasher on.

I felt like sobbing when I heard this story. Her Mum noticed she was struggling and helped without being asked. I resolved then and there that this was my future. Parenting without a village of support is shit. My DDs will, god willing, at least have me.

Dancingleopard · 02/05/2018 14:11

Some of the replies on here .. some people just like to be mean.

mal yes they are unsupportive. It’s shit. Bit some folk just don’t give a shit about other people. My mil is exactly the same. Yet expects/demands time and emotional support.

Original poster
malificent7 · 02/05/2018 14:15

To be fair though i dont mind the 'no'. It's the 'we had it tough' that grates..

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Dancingleopard · 02/05/2018 14:17

Yeah ‘tough love’ Hmm - fuck off Brenda I need a break! Grin

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