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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this groom a CF?

358 replies

SaveBandit · 01/05/2018 13:50

I usually love a good CF thread and ones mixed in with weddings are always great. But now that it's happening to us I'm not sure what to do!

We went to a wedding at the weekend for one of DH's colleagues. They had an amazon gift list so DH ordered something from there. It came in quite a big box and the shape of the actual gift meant that we had to wrap the box with the gift inside.

When we arrived we noticed that nobody else had presents, thought nothing of it but people kept commenting and saying "We just got them vouchers/money." We asked DH's colleague, the groom, where to put it and he was quite surprised and said "We weren't expecting gifts. Thank you, can you put it by the post box for cards?"

So we did, forgot all about it and enjoyed the day and night. Towards the end of the night we stood near the post box and I pointed out that ours was still the only present. DH laughed it off and said "Looks like we're the only ones who saw the gift list!" Left a short while after and thought nothing more about the gift.

DH got a message last night from groom saying "Thanks for coming on Saturday and for the gift. We had a bit of a last minute change and decided to ask for money towards the honeymoon instead of what we'd put on the gift list. Can we arrange to send it back and just get the money for it instead? I can pass it back next week when I'm back in work. Really appreciate the thought but definitely think we need a holiday after the stress of wedding planning."

The gift cost £70. DH didn't reply but showed it to me. I was just shocked at how cheeky it was. I'm leaving it up to him to sort because I have only met the couple a handful of times. I do just feel a bit stupid turning up with this huge box when everyone else seemed to be told to give money/vouchers. Dh said this was the first he'd heard of giving money and he has no problem giving money but feels asking if we can return it and give him money instead is a bit out of order.

Should we just return it and leave it at that or does anyone have any choice words or phrases we can reply with?!

OP posts:
Nquartz · 01/05/2018 17:10

I think I'd have to return it because I wouldn't want them having something I'd spent £70 on.

But I would this though If he asks go with a vague "oh yes, must remember to give you some cash some time" and change the subject

No way would they get cash out of me. So effing cheeky

Confusedbeetle · 01/05/2018 17:17

Take back the gift and do whatever you want with it. If you want to give the outrageously rude person some money. I think £70 is far far far too much for a wedding present. I also hate the asking for money thing. If people live together and need nothing then they don't need a gift. Greedy greedy rude rude

Rattail · 01/05/2018 17:26

Return it and give £20. Keep the 50 to let him know you were annoyed

Kittykat93 · 01/05/2018 17:29

I would 100% return it and give them £20. No more. How and why are people so fucking rude? I'd be rethinking that friendship.

Whatshallidonowpeople · 01/05/2018 17:30

I'd return it and give them £20. If they ask say it was in the sale

WhatchaMaCalllit · 01/05/2018 17:35

@SaveBandit - Don't give the groom the returns stuff (or do) but under no circumstances would you give them money until the cost of the gift has been refunded to your DH's or your account (whichever one of you bought the gift.
I'm still in the camp of don't return it, the groom is a CF and you're under no obligation to return it or offer them an alternative gift.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 01/05/2018 17:37

Just after seeing that a load of other MNetters have suggested the same Smile

BrendasUmbrella · 01/05/2018 17:41

I had a very modest registry wedding with exDH which is what we wanted, is large wedding planning really so stressful it requires a holiday to recover? I thought the actual wedding day was when you recover and enjoy the fruits of your labour. If you want to go on honeymoon just say so, but "Ooh, we need to go on holiday to recover from the stress of getting married" makes it all sound a bit like an ordeal and it would put my back up.

PourMeAGlass · 01/05/2018 17:51

I'm dying to know what the present was??

And yes, cheeky fuckery of the highest order, send it back and send them less cash, cheeky fuckers!

anniemagoo · 01/05/2018 17:54

I’d probably return it and give them only £50 cash...admin & additional handling fees

^ this except I'd probably give them £30.
What a CF!!

itneverrainsitpours · 01/05/2018 20:13

Do not give him any cash! I’d return it and give him nothing, Cheeky fucker!!
Surely he won’t chase you up for the cash!

expatinscotland · 01/05/2018 20:22

'Do not give him any cash! I’d return it and give him nothing, Cheeky fucker!!
Surely he won’t chase you up for the cash!'

If he's cheeky enough to have asked the OP's H to return it and hand him the money (because he doesn't want a store credit), he's cheeky enough to chase him for cash. That's why, 'Sorry, but it's too late for me to return for cash' works a treat.

Walkaboutwendy · 01/05/2018 20:30

Return the gift then if he asks say we made a donation to charity on your behalf seeing as you've already got everything you need Wink

willynillypie · 01/05/2018 20:56

Or tell them that you've also had a last minute change of plan and donated the refund to a donkey sanctuary.

This made me lol - would be absolutely amazing if you did this.

MismatchedStripySocks · 01/05/2018 20:59

I like the idea of keeping for yourself/returning the present and then just putting a tenner in a card for them Grin Serves the CF right.

SteveMcGarrettsBudgieSmugglers · 01/05/2018 21:59

wow what a cheeky twat

two suggested reply; piss off you cheeky fucker

or the classic

do you mean to be so rude

blackteasplease · 01/05/2018 22:02

Incredibly cheeky!

Jamiefraserskilt · 01/05/2018 22:26

Noooo! As all the guests have paid for their honeymoon and they are already on it, this is extra cf as this subs their return until payday.
Sorry cf, return window closed now so can't send back for a refund. Shame we didn't hear of the change earlier then we could have done something about it. Hope you enjoy your honeymoon.

supersop60 · 01/05/2018 22:30

Too late to return it, so don't. The gift is now given, so they can do what they like with it - sell it on Ebay as a pp suggested.

BlondeB83 · 01/05/2018 22:37

Return it and give them £20 in an envelope.

Bubba1234 · 01/05/2018 22:40

Take it back n don’t give him money

AhNowTed · 01/05/2018 22:49

Agreed OP.

Return the gift, give them £50 and chalk it up to CF experience.

Since I've been on MN I can't believe how many Cheeky fuckers and Abusive partners there are in this world.

Mrsramsayscat · 01/05/2018 22:56

Get them to return it in your behalf. Less hassle for you.

emmyrose2000 · 01/05/2018 23:27

What a breathtakingly rude and classless man.

Either ignore the message, or get the gift back and "forget" to give him any cash. Whatever you do, don't reward this disgusting display of lack of manners in any way.

If their holiday depends on the money they're hoping to get from you, then obviously they can't afford the holiday in the first place, which isn't your problem to solve.

WomanEqualsAdultHumanFemale · 01/05/2018 23:29

I would just respond with a Shock face and let him work out why. Grin

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