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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I didn't like a 'tell-tale' when I was younger and I still don't

281 replies

LittleMonkeysWideAwake · 30/04/2018 09:08

Those kids that tell on the teacher all the time, or tell you off in a high and mighty way. I didn't like them as a kid, and I don't like them as adults now!

This morning another parent at sons school told me off for my inappropriate parking. I was of course in the wrong! And said so, and apologised. But I'm fuming inside!!! I can't stand busy- bodies who go out of their way to tell me off!

Grrrrrr

Just a rant!

Are you one of those parents? (and we're you one of those kids?) and why do you do it?

OP posts:
leggere · 30/04/2018 22:51

MaisyPops "tattle tale also became an expert in claiming an endless stream of children were bullying them. They weren't." This seems like a very dismissive attitude towards a child? Are you saying the child was lying? Did you follow the correct procedure for investigating the bullying claim?

m0therofdragons · 30/04/2018 23:01

I'm guessing you were that kid at school who thought rules didn't apply to them. Bad parking on the school run is one of my pet hates. Don't be a dick and you won't be confronted about it!

m0therofdragons · 30/04/2018 23:03

Oh and they weren't telling on you to get you into trouble they told you off to your face. Better that than they take a picture and plaster it on FB!

MaisyPops · 01/05/2018 06:23

leggere
Absolutely followed bullying procedure.

Unfortunately (and you'll know it's the same with adults) there are natural consequences. If someone stirs drama as an adult, people will tend to keep their distance. If a child pushes and shoves others in the playground, other children will tend to keep their distance. If an adult tries to split bills when out for food after they've had steak and cocktails, adults start thinking maybe this person isn't someone i want to go out with. If a child always hogs the play equipment, other children may start thinking they don't want to play with them.
Equally if someone is trying to get different children into trouble then other children will probably not want to be good friends with them.

Telling tales is not the same as reporting bullying, whistleblowing etc.
If adults shit stir then other adults will start to form a view of the adult. Why would children be any different & why should children be forced to include someone who is unkind to them?

larrygrylls · 01/05/2018 06:36

I think the devil is in the detail.

If the OP stopped on a yellow line for a couple of minutes, the person who interfered is just an annoying busy body. If she parked blocking half the road or making road crossing dangerous for children, she got what she deserved.

I tend to agree that people should use their own judgment about certain rules. If they are doing no obvious harm breaking a rule telling them off is just being an annoying busybody.

MaisyPops · 01/05/2018 06:40

larrygrylls
Pretty much what you've said.
It's about a spot of common sense. That said, parking outside schools can be a bloody nightmare. What is it about the school run that makes people abandon all basic road sense? (We had someone park in the middle of the school bus area and then got annoyed when a dozen busses turnes up and they were blocked in for 20 mins. GrinConfused(

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/05/2018 07:33

Yes details would have been good. The OP ignored everyone who asked how she'd parked. I'm guessing it was pretty bad as she admitted she was in the wrong.

At least she did that though.

leggere · 01/05/2018 12:32

MaisyPops, the result of the bullying investigation? Was the child lying?

mummabearfoyrbabybears · 01/05/2018 12:39

No Maisie. I hope you're not a teacher because you are clearly dismissive of children's issues. Having a pen taken from them can be a big issue. To you it's irrelevant and therefore 'telling tales'. The issue is teachers ignoring the child 'telling tales' and suddenly it's major bullying and destruction of the child's confidence. You produce adults like the op

Jamsandwhichandgrapes · 01/05/2018 12:46

My son likes to tell the teacher if some one does something wrong. I have told him he should only do it if something is done that directly effects him. But he argued that if its wrong its wrong and how will they learn. Fair play. Wish i was brave like that as a kid. When we were kids if you told on others you got bullied! But he seems popular so maybe he is fair .. i dont know. But he accepts when he is wrong and doesnt get angry. But then he is a goody two shoes and hates being told he was naughty and loves rules and does everything he can not to break the rules. Hes just a rule follower and likes others to follow the rules too.

Lizzie48 · 01/05/2018 14:58

@MaisyPops

I had no help from teachers when I was bullied as a child. I was made to feel like I was overreacting. That's because nobody hurt me physically, as I could fight my corner on that level. It was the drip, drip, drip of verbal abuse, which is so hard for a child to cope with. Then I would finally lash out and I would be the one who got into trouble.

How do you know the 'tattle tale' is lying about being bullied? Okay, the incident over the pen you witnessed might have been petty, but you don't know whether there had been others in the playground, and it was the 'last straw' as it were. Maybe that wasn't the case, but you shouldn't assume a child is simply attention seeking, because you don't see everything that goes on in the playground.

bluerunningshoes · 01/05/2018 15:02

you don't need another adult telling you off.
you need to park properly (or walk the school run) and a parking ticket.
wankers like you piss me off

MaisyPops · 01/05/2018 17:15

Having a pen taken from them can be a big issue
Except I've not said children having pens taken from them isn't an issue.
I'm saying if I give highlighters out to the class and i give child 1 a yellow highlighter and child 2 a blue one, child 2 stopping the lesson to complain because child 1 won't swap with them is telling tales.

If a group of students choose to go to an enrichment club that child 3 doesn't want to attend, it's telling tales to claim that the students are being mean for going to a lunch club.

leggere
Yes. We did a full investigation with multiple staff and statements. One one reported incident the staff on duty didn't see anything and when we checked CCTV the children were nowhere near each other.

I don't see how it's surprising that some children (just like adults) can stir it up and try to land others in trouble.

Jamsandwhichandgrapes
Your child sounds lovely and sensible. Our school certainly encourages peers to report bullying.
Letting teachers know when someone is bullying is absolutely the right thing to do.

Katherine2626 · 01/05/2018 17:43

Sounds like you are a bit squirmy for having got caught out. She wasn't telling tales - she was telling you - and there must be a good reason why you shouldn't have parked there!

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 01/05/2018 17:43

Park considerately then...I really don’t think that makes someone a busy body. Just makes you one of those annoying Parker’s that everyone thinks is a bit of ....

If they’re being nosey and telling off about pointless things then fair enough.

Jamsandwhichandgrapes · 01/05/2018 17:57

Thanks maisie. But it does worry me as i dont want him to be seen as the 'taddle tale' to be fair he is only just about to turn 5 so i think they all do it at that age!

Strongmummy · 01/05/2018 18:01

I’d possibly tell you off for inappropriate parking if it was causing others (namely me) hassle. I’d think you were being a selfish idiot. Your prerogative to be annoyed with me of course

Teacher22 · 01/05/2018 18:10

I know, since I am a retired teacher, the sort of child who gets 'dobbed up' and I can say it takes a lot to push other children into the socially unacceptable act of telling the teacher. The informed on were usually at the pretty extreme end of selfish or poor behaviour and more than usually unself aware. And yes, they were always more annoyed and angry at being told on than on their own misdemeanours.

Fwaltz · 01/05/2018 18:11

I hate those people too OP! Bunch of busy-body narks...

margesimpson40 · 01/05/2018 18:11

littleminkeyswideawake I feel for you, minute I saw post knew more than half of the responses would be a wee bit ott . In the last 24 hours I have been told using a washing machine at night is the equivalent misbehaving a loud obnoxious party and as such is anti social behaviour Also if a kid takes the last tin of coke without asking, it's stealing and if not punished will lead to much more serious behaviours as an adult. If I wasn't so bloody depressed and narky id be pissing myself laughing for days . Monkey parking a car incorrectly occasionally really isn't the end of the world, everyone (except for a lot in this site) make errors or bad choices, it's called being human. If you were doing it everyday and running from car with your finger in air I would say something. But ...

Ps I would brace yourself for one of those letters a gentle reminder about parking ... Cause there's a huge chance she had to tell head teacher ... Before it became a problem.

isawahatonce · 01/05/2018 18:12

I remember telling a teacher that another child was bullying me and being told off for 'telling tales'. Was I supposed to just not report it? I've never understood this mentality.

Bekstar · 01/05/2018 18:22

Think they have a right if your shit parking near a school. It's dangerous it causes accidents and puts other kids as well as your own at risk.

Lillyringlet · 01/05/2018 18:29

Remember that rule breaks and things piss others off... Especially those of us effected by it.

I've been left in a dangerous situation because idiots and their parking that you park illegally then I do photograph it and send it to the parking people. You think your parking doesn't effect others but it does.

I've been left unable to get to a doctors appointment because of parking over the pavement and being unable to cross the road safely. I've been hit by a car not indicating them turning... Not sorry but only way you learn is if you get told off or fined.

You may want to rant but it sounds like you have an issue that you need to see someone about.

margesimpson40 · 01/05/2018 18:30

sprinkles ... I think we'd probably get on. I try and be considerate to others always, compromise give and take etc. I think you can tell if a person is telling you off to make you aware of whatever it is, it's fine But some people are failing to grasp that some people love telling others off and telling tales, they Get a kick out of it or the have an over inflated image of themselves. Sometimes people are horrible and enjoy doing this ... Works on both sides too. We need to stop this painting people with only two shades all the time ... Right and wrong, so much more to it.

Bunnyfuller · 01/05/2018 18:32

If you don't wanna do the time....don't do the crime. You feel patronised - well I feel like people who are inconsiderate act like they're the only person in the world and they do what they like without thinking of the impact on others.

I would've glared and stared and spoken loudly to someone so you could hear, but that's my ridiculous PA, and past experience of getting a mouthful of abuse back from such people.

You were in the wrong.

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