When people say 'let me know if there is anything I can do to help'

[OutofSyncGirl]

They don't actually mean it. And even if they did they often say it in regard to a situation in which they know there's nothing they can do even if they wanted to.

When people say things for the sake of it it annoys me.

Yeh.. I see what you mean. I think people mean well when they say that though. Often it is said at a time when.. it's hard to know WHAT to do to help. But it can feel like an easy get out, a way of showing you care but with minimal effort expended.

Or perhaps they do mean it. If I say it I mean it.

I always mean it. And would genuinely be happy to help should they ask/let me know something that might make their life or the situation a little easier.

Some people mean it, yes. But most of the people I know say things like this as a throw away comment, and never expect you to ask for help.

I only say it if I mean it; I think it can be more helpful the person saying it makes a suggestion or two, but doesn't "insist" on helping.

If they say it, you can let them know if there IS anything. Don’t assume they only said it without meaning it. It’s their responsibility to follow through if you ask for something.

When my first dh took ill with cancer his brother and wife offered all kinds of help, but when it came down to it they didn’t want to know. They told me to get driving lessons when they found out he had to go to hospital appointments for his chemo. I’m not the sort of person to ask for help, but they turned me away on the one occasion I did ask.

I only say it if I mean it.

But I ageee for a lot of people it’s like asking “how are you?” And they don’t really want to know or help it’s just said because it’s the done thing

I only say it if I mean it. As for situations where I can't fix the problem, doesn't mean I can't be there to support someone emotionally, help at home etc.

I definitely mean it when I say it and am now worried that people think I don't.

There are situations like bereavement and illness when you desperately want to lift some of the burden, however small and hopefully by saying that, if the recipient needs something doing, they will let you know knowing you have already kind of offered.

I definitely only say if I mean it. There are many occasions when I think about how I can help friends more.

They do mean it, on the assumption that you need help with everyday things like running errands or giving you a lift somewhere. They don't mean they can counsel you through a dreadful time or aid in your recovery from a traumatic event.

They can provide practical help, and want to give it.

I mean this when I say it. But have started following up with practical examples of things I would be happy to do (childcare/lifts/shopping) so that people realise I really do mean it. Only one person has taken me up in it ever though.

I do say it and I do mean it.

People very often wont take you up on it though so sometimes I just do things depending on how well I know them.

For example my friend was ill and hospital for a few days so I bulk cooked a few dinners (that could be eaten or frozen) and dropped them off so they didn't have to think about that if they didn't want to.

Some people don't mean it but if I can help anyone out I will.

Depends on your friends. I had a miscarriage this weekend. I've been inundated with offers of help. I had to take some up as I had to go to hospital as an emergency. I've had offers along the lines of "I'm at your local tesco right now, you want a treat" to which i said no, but thank you.

These are the friends I'd get out my bed for at 3am in an emergency, made food for when they're ill, and would go pick up a maccy d's if they've got a killer hangover. I'm not a particularly social person or a pushover, but I cherish these people very much and I have to say they couldn't have been more helpful to us during what has been an awful weekend.

I never say it unless I actually do mean it. And if it was for example a friend who I'm not that close to then I wouldn't mean it, so wouldn't say it.

My DH had to go on a work trip overseas when dd3 was 6 weeks old.
I had a few conversations that went like this...

Friend: Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.
Me: Thanks! It would be really helpful if you could come round one evening to cook us dinner and help me get the kids to bed. Which night could you do that?

I think people do want to help but often don't know how or don't want to impose or assume that they're not close enough to you to be the one you take up on the offer. I often find that people are somewhat flattered to be asked.

I always mean it. People more rarely take you up on it than offer, I think.

Of course, 'anything I can do' does not mean 'I can do anything'. I have helped with moving lifts, picking up food etc. There's a few things that wouldn't be practical for me to do, but I would do what I can.

I think it's just another way to show someone you're willing to help and listen and be there. Even in situations where they can't physically change or improve things they're offering support.

Totally agree, my DC was recently in hospital for 3 weeks, I'm a single parent and have another DC. I had quite a few let us know if you need anything, it just seemed a bit meaningless as those who genuinely wanted to help actually offered it, e.g offering help having DC after school, visiting us, bringing food, offering to house sit etc.

If I'm in a similar position I always offer whatever help or support I actually am willing to do so they can either accept or decline but saying "let us know" just makes you feel awkward in what you reply/ask them to help with!

I think tbh, if you know someone needs help, then think of what might help and just do it. If you’re going to the supermarket, text them to ask if they need anything. If you’re cooking make a batch for them and take a meal round. If you can have their DCs over one day, text and offer to pick them up. Ask if they need laundry doing, or if they need a chat and a cup of tea. Be proactive. I’ve done this for friends /neighbours in the past. Last few years I’ve been through really difficult stuff. Lots of people have said, “let me know if I can do anything” When I've suggested, nothing happens. I would never have believed it. I’ve got a few friends who have been great, but most people, well, I can’t believe how callous and uncaring they’ve been.

I say it and mean it. I said it to my grandparents who have both had accidents this week. I then call to ask what I can do each day.

If I say it I always make suggestions - so when a friend's father died I suggested when we might meet up and later offered to give lifts at the funeral and/or wake and help with the food/drinks at the wake.

I can see what you mean that many people wouldn’t take someone up on that offer as it’s often a bit hard to tell if they really mean it. I try to offer more specific things on the lines of “Ive just made some chicken casserole, would you fancy some?” Or phone or text someone to say I’m off to the supermarket and is there anything they fancy/need etc.

I really mean it when I say it - if I can help you out and it'll take me 5 mins of chat vs. you struggling for 20, why wouldn't I? I live abroad, so for example, when I have visitors, I always assure them that it's no problem, if they get lost, or a bus isn't arriving or whatever (they are... sometimes a bit difficult), to just give me a call and I'll come and find them - it's a small place, I can be most places they might be in 20 mins, or 40 if there's traffic/they've gone all the way to the other end, and it's not a problem.

Yet they almost never do.... and they really should.

The only time it's a problem is when someone takes advantage of someone's good nature and has them taking days doing something that they could easily have done themselves.