When people say 'let me know if there is anything I can do to help'

[OutofSyncGirl]

They don't actually mean it. And even if they did they often say it in regard to a situation in which they know there's nothing they can do even if they wanted to.

When people say things for the sake of it it annoys me.

I only say it if I mean it.

Sometimes it's it situations when as you say there is little I could do to be any practical help - but then I mean it in a - if you need to talk/ go out and not talk about it/ take the kids for a bit kind of way. I'd never say it and not mean it

“If you need anything, anything at all, please let us know” - my new neighbor said this to me the other day and I spent the next hour of my day wondering what it even means when people say this.

Borrow a power tool?
Help gardening?
Clean my house?
Look after my dog?
Directions?
Deal me some drugs?
Lend me a cup of sugar?

I over-thought the whole thing.

I always mean it.

I only say it if I mean it.

I mean it.
I wish people would tell me what would actually be helpful so I can do it, I am not very good at 'ideas'. But am happy to cook something, to give a lift, pick something up etc.

What's made you say this?

If I know there's little/nothing I can do to help, I say: "I wish I was something I could do to help and if there is any way that comes up that I can, please, please let me know." Or I know there is and I say "If there is anything ..." and offer some ideas and ask if that would help.

I always offer to be there if the person needs me, even if it's just at the end of the phone at any time of the day or night. I'm a night owl and happy to wake up and talk to someone who needs to just talk in the wee small hours when everyone else is asleep and often when things feel worse.

So, yes, some people say it as just a thing to say and don't mean it, but quite a lot of people say it and mean it and do what they can however how little.

I don't think people don't mean it- I have had lots of offers of help and I know if I called them in and said 'sending the kids over now' then the people would be delighted to help. Often people feel powerless in bad situations, and are happy to practically help out (with food, lifts). I don't say it unless I mean it, but then I tend to offer very specific help- do you want a lift down the town? Shall I take X to Brownies?

When I say it I mean it. I hope people know that.

I mean it when I say it too. But I will try to think of things that might be helpful like cleaning, shopping, making food and offer those. I will remind them I am desperate to help too.

It's difficult though because I don't want to pester them either!

I mean it when I say it. And I wish people would take me up on it - but I am not going to force myself on them (so to speak) and it is hard to know what is really helpful without being told.

When I say this, I mean that I don't want to intrude at a difficult time, but would be very happy to help out if needed. I also say "just shout if I can help" to my neighbours when they are fencing/lambing/unblocking a drain, and I mean that too.

If I say it I mean it and of someone said it to me I would assume they meant it. Expecting people to offer a specific thing is unreasonable as no-one can read your mind and k ow what you actually would find helpful. Even if they have been in the same situation you might not find the same things helpful(I.e. at a time of bereavement some people might appreciate someone babysitting so they can have some time alone, others might hate the idea of being separated from their children but would appreciate someone picking up a takeaway for them)

I think people say it but don’t think it through. They might want to help but don’t know how, and actually when given a vague offer of “help” like this people mostly don’t take you up on it and so I guess it can be a surprise when someone actually does. Or they might just be saying it because it’s what you say!

I have a friend going through something unspeakably awful at the moment and when I offer help I am quite specific in my suggestions rather than waiting for her to come up with them. She’s enough on her plate without having to some up with ways I can help her out.

Some people do mean it. But I agree that for others it is just a thing to fill the gap when you don’t know what else to say (when the person you’re saying it to is in a sad or difficult situation and you don’t want to say anything tactless or irritating).

I only say this if I mean it. I'll often tag on a couple of examples of where I can help to show what I mean for clarification.

Try them out. My friend once told me she didn’t take help from me when I offered because I never accepted any help back and she felt awkward. I now take up all offers of help and if they never meant it in the first place, they won’t offer again. I think you might be surprised at how many people really do mean it.

(I.e. at a time of bereavement some people might appreciate someone babysitting so they can have some time alone, others might hate the idea of being separated from their children but would appreciate someone picking up a takeaway for them)

Yes, a thousand times yes! When my daughter died, various well-meaning relatives kept turning up to take our other children out for the day. When I said there was no need (had no strength to put it more strongly) they said it was no trouble and off they went.
The thing is, they were taking away the very thing which was making it possible for me to get through such a distressing time. If they'd asked, I'd have asked for help with clearing up after so many visitors, or company for an hour with no pressure to talk.

I tend to say let me know what I can do if I really mean it. Let me know if you need help seems less committed to actually helping I think.

It’s better phrased as ‘what can I do to help?’
If you really do mean it

I know lots of people who say it and mean it (I have a disabled son) but in reality they just haven’t got the time or have no idea what they are volunteering for. Not sure if people are going to admit they say it and not mean it. Generally the people I know I can go to do not have to say it.

It depends what help people actually ask for.

If they need me to drain the blood of 13 virgins then no - I didn’t mean it!

If they need me to walk their dog / give a lift / give their kids tea then that is fine.

Thankfully none of my friends are vampires so so far I’ve been fine!

i think people mean it but I don't think they realise how hard it is to ask for help when you need it and by being vague it still relies on someone asking for help.

Ive been in a position when I really, really needed help and found it incredibly difficult to ring someone up and say 'actually I cant walk, can you leave your family home after a days work and whilst you are putting the kids to bed and pop over to help me lift the children out the bath'

since then I've tried to be specific about the types of help I can offer so people don't feel they have to guess what I am able to do and when.

I think most people do mean it, especially in a disaster if I could help I would. Sometimes it is ok to go out on a wim and except help.

i mean it and do it. tricky to be specific without being pushy with offers, so i sometimes say shopping, transport etc.

I mean it when I say it. I'd much rather people say this to me than, 'I'm in the shop, do you want anything?' Or 'I've cooked a roast, want some?' Those sort of examples are so specific that I suspect people know you will likely say no.