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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worried about my lack of 'care', teacher.

125 replies

pollypebble · 28/04/2018 21:24

First time poster. I am a teacher, have been for 15 years.
Get excellent results and feedback from parents, students and SMT.

Lately I have been having intrusive ' couldn't care less' thoughts at work, for example, a student talks to me about a problem. I obviously appear to care, and give the right advice and follow professional protocol.

My work, as such is not affected. I just don't care anymore, I can appear to care and appear to be the same but in my head I think this is just a job to pay the bills

I used to care. Can't say I was any different as a teacher.
Does it matter that I don't actually care, that I pretend to?
If I was a parent Id be shocked to think teachers think like this. In my head I actively dislike many students and parents, see them as privileged and entitled ( I work in an independent school)

Should I leave teaching? I can't afford to really. Am very conflicted, would appreciate some genuine advice, not a roasting. Thank you

OP posts:
Battleax · 28/04/2018 21:25

Sounds as though you’re burning out and/or in the wrong type of school.

Flamingoose · 28/04/2018 21:27

You need a break or a change.

PurpleDaisies · 28/04/2018 21:28

I agree, you found totally burnt out.

Can you afford a sabbatical? A few days off? Or change schools and go from there?

Couchpotato3 · 28/04/2018 21:28

How do you feel outside school? Is this a more general thing, affecting the rest of your life too, or is it only related to work?

Do you have a trusted colleague that you could talk to about how you are feeling?

PlateOfBiscuits · 28/04/2018 21:29

Could you ask for a years sabbatical and just take a year to do something else? See how you feel after a few break.

On another note: do you care about your own life/family/friends? Or could you be a bit depressed at the moment? (Hence the ‘lack’ it caring.)

Original poster
pollypebble · 28/04/2018 21:31

No its just work. Do other people in these roles get to feel like this? And is it wrong in that no one will know, as I would never show or say it. Can't afford a sabbatical, I have spoken to colleagues and they said similar. that is anyone teaching over 5 years really couldn't care less anymore but need the money and can deliver.

OP posts:
TryingToGetHome · 28/04/2018 21:31

If I was a parent Id be shocked to think teachers think like this. In my head I actively dislike many students and parents, see them as privileged and entitled ( I work in an independent school) I think most teachers at our state school feel like this - the ones who don't stand out.

Original poster
pollypebble · 28/04/2018 21:32

I'm not proud of it but can't help it. Huge mortgage so not working not an option.

OP posts:
Original poster
pollypebble · 28/04/2018 21:33

If feels undoable the amount of hours and on top of that to care.

OP posts:
Justletitlie · 28/04/2018 21:38

I think everyone in every profession thinks this.
Priests or vicars - they cannot possibly care continuously about every single member of their congregation continuously. They might want to, but must suffer ‘compassion fatigue’. Similarly nurses and doctors.
My friend’s dad was a successful actor in the states and she said some nights, on stage, he had to rely on technique. That is, he couldn’t possibly feel overcome with grief every night, on stage.

I think it’s just life, OP. I wouldn’t share with a colleague. A friend, yes, but not a colleague. It could backfire.

celticmissey · 28/04/2018 21:38

I think it is not unusual to feel like this when you have done a job for a while - at least you are outwardly able to do your job. I feel exactly the same after 20 years working in the emergency services but still manage to do my job efficiently. I do get stressed some days and I know it is not only my job where on some days I feel completely overwhelmed. Could you be suffering from stress, anxiety or depression which has crept up on you? It may be worth having a chat with your GP or maybe you are exhausted. Could you do a list of the pros and cons of your job? if the cons are outweighing the pros it may help you identify what things you could change- schools, hours or location perhaps - sorry not much help but just wanted to say you're not alone feeling like this

Justletitlie · 28/04/2018 21:41

It’s a shame though and ironic, that by imposing the amount of hours teachers have to work on them, it’s actually had the reverse effect and made them probably less effective than they would have been had they been entirely self-motivated.

It sounds like you were perfectly suited to the job, but have had the enthusiasm wrung out of you.
Crazy.

zzzzz · 28/04/2018 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
pollypebble · 28/04/2018 21:41

Thank you for your responses, yes maybe some jobs just do become automatic. I like the actor story, its a good analogy. I can do the technique. Its the sameness the daily struggle the hamster wheel. Nothing unusual I know.

OP posts:
Original poster
pollypebble · 28/04/2018 21:42

I will see a counsellor about it. I was so on top of this game for years so could be burnt out, can't see a solution for that though.

OP posts:
Original poster
pollypebble · 28/04/2018 21:43

There are nights I cry myself to sleep thinking about going in.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 28/04/2018 21:46

It definitely sounds like work had got on top of you. Are you secondary? It’s not long until you’ll lose GCSEs and a level students go. That will take some of the pressure off.

Even a day at home to rest could help. Talking to a gp is a very good idea

WallisFrizz · 28/04/2018 21:47

I work in policing, specialised department, dealing wit people’s very personal issues. I have grown to feel like you do. I am still professional, get good results, fulfill the needs of my job and beyond but inside I scream with frustration, irritation and boredom.

I am changing jobs soon. I am very excited.

greathat · 28/04/2018 21:48

I think you need signing off and a proper rest. Is your school supportive?

Justletitlie · 28/04/2018 21:48

How many nights, OP? That doesn’t sound right. Sad
What do you for you? What do you look forward to each day?
Running?
Yoga?
Reading for pleasure?

MereDintofPandiculation · 28/04/2018 21:51

I think it's a coping mechanism. You can't care about everything every day, so you isolate yourself and go through the motions. You are still doing your job and helping students with their problems. I'd be more worried about "There are nights I cry myself to sleep thinking about going in." - a job should not be making you feel like that.

HicDraconis · 28/04/2018 21:54

justlet I disagree. Some people in some professions think like this. I’ve been a doctor for 20 years and I haven’t stopped caring about my patients. All of them. I have a surgical colleague and friend (similar vintage) who goes over and above with every clinic and every patient because she cares.

It sounds very like burnout, pollypebble - you can try the “fake it til you make it” approach to see if things improve, but I’d suggest you have some time off. Crying yourself to sleep is not a good state to be in. Counselling and some stress leave are probably better for you than trying to keep going.

Anasnake · 28/04/2018 21:54

I'm also a teacher and feel exactly the same as do many of my colleagues.

TooManyButtons · 28/04/2018 21:55

I'm a nurse, and feel exactly the same. As an observer you'd think I genuinely cared, that I enjoyed my job, but it's all an act. I don't care at all, and generally hate people. Most of my colleagues feel the same.

Mumto2two · 28/04/2018 21:56

This post grabbed me...because it’s exactly what I’ve been thinking about DDs teacher. I can honestly sense a huge well of apathy, behind the veil of obligated ‘care’. And it has been so confusing!? She just seems so jaded and beyond really giving a damn.
Which I guess we can all feel at times, no matter what we do. Hope you work it out op!