Worried about my lack of 'care', teacher.

[pollypebble]

First time poster. I am a teacher, have been for 15 years.
Get excellent results and feedback from parents, students and SMT.

Lately I have been having intrusive ' couldn't care less' thoughts at work, for example, a student talks to me about a problem. I obviously appear to care, and give the right advice and follow professional protocol.

My work, as such is not affected. I just don't care anymore, I can appear to care and appear to be the same but in my head I think this is just a job to pay the bills

I used to care. Can't say I was any different as a teacher.
Does it matter that I don't actually care, that I pretend to?
If I was a parent Id be shocked to think teachers think like this. In my head I actively dislike many students and parents, see them as privileged and entitled ( I work in an independent school)

Should I leave teaching? I can't afford to really. Am very conflicted, would appreciate some genuine advice, not a roasting. Thank you

yea but my point is that many comps are full of privileged and entitled kids

I'm not denying there are middle class kids in comprehensives, OP can't avoid them completely, I'm just saying there's a much wider social mix than at independents. Comprehensives are not exclusively students whose parents can afford the fees.

I think it's worth distinguishing though between the feeling of actively caring (which I rarely have for UG students) and actively disliking or doing a bad job for students. I don't dislike my students at all, I meet the odd one I'm not so fond of but in general they are a nice bunch. However, I more or less never get involved emotionally myself with their problems, and I don't see that as my role, my role is to help them sort out help, deadlines, give advice, in a dispassionate and constructive way.

I have seen too many (usually but not always women) lecturers get sucked into students' issues, and it's not good boundary-keeping at all.

One really big problem is, though, that counselling services, even in schools are massively stretched and cut back. One of my dd's school doesn't have any counsellors at all so this means that the regular teachers end up having to encounter children with mental health difficulties, problem families and so on and provide some support even though they are not equipped to do so.

I do also agree that stress and an overloaded workload means caring becomes a casualty. If you are personally stressed, and worried about getting the work done, then someone starting to cry or tell you a tale of upset can feel annoying, whereas with more slack in the system, you may have been able to reach out.

I think this thread does illustrate how unhealthy our work culture is, target-driven, overstressed, silly long hours, it was better in my parents' day when, as they admit, as teachers they were often home by 3.30-4pm and really didn't do much work til the next morning.

@tomatosalt What you say is very wise, I quite agree.

OP- a change of school would be a good place to begin.
When I got to this point, I left teaching and became support staff for a year at a different school. I couldn’t face being the teacher that didn’t care. I was so jaded. Funny thing is I knew I would need to leave teaching at some point so I never lived to my means. I could afford the pay cut.
If you cannot afford to do that, change schools. Honestly the school I work as support staff in persuaded me (after a year) to do a little teaching. I love it. They have asked me to just be a teacher next year and do more of it. I have agreed. I feel a passion that I haven’t felt for a very very long time! I care again! I love it. I never ever thought I would EVER go back to teaching. Ever. A change really could do you good. I would also begin downsizing your life a little too, to take the pressure off you HAVING to be a teacher. Lack of choice makes us unhappy. Look at those finances. Look at the option of a lower mortgage/selling. You don’t have to sell up but it is good to see what is out there that is cheaper! My wage will double next year but I won’t be buying a bigger house. I won’t be buying a better car. Because I know that in 5years I might need the option to leave again. Good luck

I could have written this a few months back. 15 years in and felt exactly the same. I now have a new job working on a project with our local university. I work in schools with young people from disadvantaged backgrounds and organise activities/trips to raise aspirations. I'm so much happier.

Fridasfridgefreezer yea i see what you mean, i think if you have three kids that young it is in your best interest to stay out as the teaching world today is not compatible with that sort of homelife. In order to even go back to teaching with just 1 baby you need a very strong support system at home. I recall a couple of years ago a colleague went back after giving birth just a few days a week[not great support system at home] and it nearly killed her, she had lost all her motivation. Perhaps do daily supply in the future rather than go back into a full role? If you need top ups too home tuition can help.

I am a secondary school teacher and have been for almost 20 years. I don't really care. I am excellent at acting like I do, but really, deep down I don't actually care. You just can't deeply care day in day out for the hundreds of pupils that pass through your classroom. That isn´t possible without completely burning out. When it comes down to it, it is job. It is a job that needs to be done well, but the people who really matter deeply to you are your family and friends.

The crying at night, on the other hand, is not so normal. That is a sign that you are worn out. Can you take any time off? Or is there any way you could reduce the burden at work?

I think that a trip to your Doctor might help - be prepared for tablets and / or some therapy sessions ( which you have to wait for) but it will set the ball rolling.
you will be breaking up in a few months for the summer hols - maybe just try to fake it until then then have a few weeks in the summer time to think about your options - supply teaching could be one option, esp as you are in london, tutoring as others have suggested or part time working for a while?
lots of people do a job they dont really care much about - keep it to yourself though, schools are a micro climate and it it gets out you may end up with the rumour mill going into orbit and you dont need that on top of everything else. is it a primary independent school or secondary?

I understand how you feel. It's horrible and I have only ever done p/t 2 terms in an Indy and it almost broke me. Many of the kids were delightful but their behaviour was awful and their sense of "my parents are paying.." was awful.

However, you are in London and friends of mine who live there and are not teachers seem to manage to make a decent living by tutoring. They now pick and choose, mostly for 11+ exams, but some GCSE and A level English teaching and feel they have got their life balance back. They seem to be able to charge a decent amount per hour, more if they travel to the child's house. As someone experienced in a London Indy, your experience should command a premium as you know exactly the type of students your current school takes.

I really like teaching but the data, the scrutiny, the "do it by yesterday" and so on are what drives me nuts, even though I work in a lovely school with mostly fab colleagues. You have bags of experience; maybe now is the time to take back control of your life. Best of luck

Teaching is now a martyrdom rather than a vocation

This, in spades. I’m so tempted to print this out in big letters (possibly Nelson Handwriting!) and put it on the wall above my desk for observers ... teaching is now a game and you need to play the game to get anywhere. The children are almost irrelevant.

isnt it sad that people that are schooling the next generations are becoming burnt out and its seen as being a martyr rather than actually enjoying the job of seeing children progress and learn- , lots of reasons why no doubt and governments have always meddled in education without really knowing what the jobs entail most of the time. its all figures and money to them and cutbacks to save a few bob here and there or chasing results.
i hope you find a solution to your problem op - its never easy with any job, but teaching seems to be the one that really affects people's souls ( from what i;ve read on here and observations of teachers at the school where i work for a few hours a week!) I can tell the ones that still have that drive - most of them don't.

Crying every night isn't normal. People in tears at work isn't normal. Check with a Dr - you need some respite.

Then start planning your next step - what can you do that will make you happy? Good luck 💐

I was going to leave this thread alone, but found I really couldn't. YANBU to not care - that's your feelings and they just are what they are. You sound burnt out and as if you need a break. I sympathise with that completely. Also with the nurses on here who said the same thing.
The thing that I just couldn't let pass is that you all seem to think the students/parents/patients/visiting families can't tell that you don't care, and that you all still do your job just as well as if you did care. I'm sorry, it's just not true. I have a dd with additional needs, and also have recently been visiting a very sick relative in hospital, and let me tell you it is blindingly obvious who cares and who doesn't. Yes, you still give medicine, and teach, but the manner it is done makes a world of difference to the people on the receiving end. However, in both cases, you are to some extent under their control, so it doesn't pay to complain about them. I'm sorry you are feeling this way, but when making your decisions on what to do, please don't imagine the pupils and parents don't know you don't care, and it doesn't affect them. Good luck, and I hope you find a solution.

OP I feel the same. I think I'm very close to being "done" with it all, I'm going down to 4 days in September. If that doesn't help I'm going to have to have a very long hard think about my future in the profession. I'm having ongoing MH issues and feel at the end of my tether x hope you work somthing out

annikin
I suppose this is the problem with working with the public ( especially the NHS) - not everyone is rude and entitled and treat the staff like mud, but if everyone thinks that everybody is going to be the same then nobody gets anywhere . I am always polite to anybody i meet and try to see it from their point of view - if they only see me as a number or a pain, then you start to be a bit abrupt back and it becomes a vicious circle then.

I'm in year 4.

I think it is natural, the way kids behave nowadays.

There are a few kids in my class who I dislike and couldn't care less about. The good children make up for this though.

Thank you all for your thoughts. I have been granted a week off from GP and I have make plan to spend the summer by the sea. From there I am formulating A PLAN, either four days or will consider moving back to Ireland, where I am from. I have friends teaching there who describe a very different happier profession.

Polly- good luck. You already sound abit more positive.

You do sound burnt out, so it’s good that you’ve got a plan to get away this summer. I hope you can enjoy it as rest, and not put too much pressure on yourself.

Try to be kind to yourself. Treat yourself a little, give yourself things to look forward to. And try to take little breaks just for yourself. You can get apps that show you a calming picture and help you with breathing. Guided relaxation can help at night, or techniques where you acknowledge your worries about things but don’t end up overwhelmed. Things like visualising them being put in a box for the night, or writing them down in a list and leaving them aside. If you’ve never tried something like that it can help.

That sounds good Op.

A long time ago I read some academic work on “emotional labour” of work, often in low paid jobs and/or mainly done by women, and the impact on employees’ mental health. Basically said that for these jobs require performance of certain emotions - or even pressure to genuinely feel those emotions! Teaching is a prime example.

Other examples included health professions, childcare and retail/ hospitality.

Definitely a change needed whether that's approaching things from where you are differently or a different setting might be what you need. Ps. If you're at an independent school obv I'm jealous I teach public and academies but idk that feeling of getting through to a youngster from a poor of background always makes me care Idk something to consider.

Hey OP, glad you are taking some time off. Compassion fatigue is a very real phenomenon, and it doesn’t mean you don’t care, its just that you become so overhelmed with the sheer extent of what you see over and over that you go into self protection mode.

Agreed

For some reason I'm now imagining you journalling in a sunny seaside cafe. Maybe there's even a book inside you trying to get out.

If you're looking for inspiration, you could always dip into -

'It's Your Time You're Wasting: A Teacher's Tales of Classroom Hell' by Frank Chalk.

Best wishes for this new phase in your life.