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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Worried about my lack of 'care', teacher.

125 replies

pollypebble · 28/04/2018 21:24

First time poster. I am a teacher, have been for 15 years.
Get excellent results and feedback from parents, students and SMT.

Lately I have been having intrusive ' couldn't care less' thoughts at work, for example, a student talks to me about a problem. I obviously appear to care, and give the right advice and follow professional protocol.

My work, as such is not affected. I just don't care anymore, I can appear to care and appear to be the same but in my head I think this is just a job to pay the bills

I used to care. Can't say I was any different as a teacher.
Does it matter that I don't actually care, that I pretend to?
If I was a parent Id be shocked to think teachers think like this. In my head I actively dislike many students and parents, see them as privileged and entitled ( I work in an independent school)

Should I leave teaching? I can't afford to really. Am very conflicted, would appreciate some genuine advice, not a roasting. Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
pollypebble · 28/04/2018 22:32

I worked in a tough comp for 7years and made this move to protect mental health but its just a different kind of stress. I feel to get back to really caring I would have to do one fifth of the work, its not about maintaining a huge house or lifestyle but a very modest flat in London. A lot of my friends work in NHS and one friend who was a midwife claim it ruined her life so she got out. i am not going to get the wage I do now in a new career and the only solution is to move form London. I feel trapped, years and years of work and really acting and now it is beginning to feel that I too will hate 'humanity' if I continue.

OP posts:
Original poster
pollypebble · 28/04/2018 22:34

Changing school won't change anything I believe. I did supply while pursuing an MA and all staff rooms had staff in tears. Its a crisis.

OP posts:
boywiththebrokensmile · 28/04/2018 22:34

Yep op you sound like some teachers i know in the profession, you see that is the problem you cared too much and generally overtime began to see that the investment return in it is poor as simply you get no thanks and it burns you out to the point that you stop caring. Simply put, i have seen teachers like you kill themselves in the job to near breakdown, they retire and are forgotten and replaced. You need to stop taking it so seriously or you will not survive, you are an educator and not there to solve underlying problems or be a second mum cos they forget about us after the bell. It's too easy to get obsessed with it all. And yes it is easy to dislike the kids and their parents and see them as entitled and spoilt especially on a teacher's wage these days. You have my sympathy.

Battleax · 28/04/2018 22:35

How about getting out of London?

echt · 28/04/2018 22:35

OP:

  1. Don't tell a colleague. Schools are leaky places.
  2. You say you actively dislike many students and parents. Do they say things to you? Do they do things?
Original poster
pollypebble · 28/04/2018 22:37

Yes getting out of London seems the only way right now. However, all my friends are here and the energy to move and start afresh alludes me right now.

OP posts:
TheBigFatMermaid · 28/04/2018 22:37

Do you care about your friends, your family, in the same way as you used to? If not, I really think you need counselling, if you do, I really think you need to change jobs. Not because you will do you pupils harm, as I think you will continue to hide your feelings well, but because I think it will do you harm to continue in a job you used to care about, but no longer do!

RidingWindhorses · 28/04/2018 22:39

Changing school won't change anything I believe. I did supply while pursuing an MA and all staff rooms had staff in tears. Its a crisis.

I can understand that and there will be stress wherever you go but disliking pupils for their background on top of the stress is not healthy and it must be adding to your negativity.

Exchanging a tough comp for a top independent is just exchanging one kind of stress for another .

How about a compromise on a more relaxed private school or a grammar. Perhaps in the country or semi country where your money would go further for property.

Fridasfridgefreezer · 28/04/2018 22:40

I returned to teaching after mat leave and I realised I didn’t care any more. All the enthusiasm I had for my students (inner city school in deprived area), had vanished. I could still teach and go though the motions but that was it. I don’t know if the time away had altered my thinking or I’d expended all my energy on my own children. Either way, I’m not doing it now.

WeAllHaveWings · 28/04/2018 22:40

Not caring about work as much is natural, I work in IT and used to care about systems being 100% available projects always delivered in time , would stay late, dial in at night etc. The extra hours in IT can be significant especially during large projects which you think are one offs, temporary extra workload but soon find are continous. But over the years I've stopped caring so much and I think it's because I care about other things more and realise they are more important.

There needs to be a work life balance and if yours isn't right for you then you need to take steps to change it. Not caring so much about work is OK, crying yourself to sleep isn't.

Battleax · 28/04/2018 22:42

A bit of daydreaming and vague plan-making might help you. Researching possibilities and wasting time on Rightmove can be very soothing when you feel stuck or exhausted.

boywiththebrokensmile · 28/04/2018 22:43

''Exchanging a tough comp for a top independent is just exchanging one kind of stress for another .''

often tough comps are fill of middle class who come from affluent families but do not value education, do not be fooled.

TheoryPractical · 28/04/2018 22:43

If it were me I'd just jack it in. Why not? Nothing is going to change about the job. You're near the end of your school year. Summer's coming. Live in a tent for a few months, get a nice tan, whatever. Sell your flat/house, buy a smaller one or rent for a while once winter comes. Live off the earnings for a year if you can while you get your head straight.

Thats what I would do. Though may not be for you ...

boywiththebrokensmile · 28/04/2018 22:45

Fridasfridgefreezer what do you do now?

TheFallenMadonna · 28/04/2018 22:47

I lost the love, moved sectors (now work in AP) and found it again in spades. I was really disillusioned in my old job (nice school after years of challenging schools). I told my DH I wanted to leave teaching and he told me I was crazy and just needed a different setting. He was right.

RidingWindhorses · 28/04/2018 22:48

often tough comps are fill of middle class who come from affluent families but do not value education, do not be fooled

London comps are full of a wide range of different pupils, it's a completely different challenge.

TheoryPractical · 28/04/2018 22:51

Fallen, whats AP?

TheFallenMadonna · 28/04/2018 22:52

AP gives me a much better work/life balance. While the actual contact time is very challenging indeed, and the vulnerability of the students can be emotionally tough, the soul destroying tedium of mainstream marking (for example) isn't there. I teach the same number of children in total that I used to teach in one year 9 class.

TheFallenMadonna · 28/04/2018 22:53

Alternative Provision. Like a PRU or SEMH setting.

caroline161 · 28/04/2018 22:53

When I was a student midwife a very good older midwife said to me you have to make it look like you give a shit when you don't. Now a few years down the line I think that I do care at the time but when I walk through those doors I'm done and I very rarely think of you again. Anyone who can't do this will burn out very quickly.

boywiththebrokensmile · 28/04/2018 22:53

''London comps are full of a wide range of different pupils, it's a completely different challenge.''

yea but my point is that many comps are full of privileged and entitled kids[which is what op resents], the bad reputation of a school or it been known as tough school does not necessarily mean it is fill of lower class kids from council estates. I have worked in enough across London and the UK to know that.

TheoryPractical · 28/04/2018 22:54

Oh right. I have a friend who does something like that, one to one. She seems to like it too.

PurpleDaisies · 28/04/2018 22:56

I’m in SEND and really like that. Very similar to fallen, the children are complex and it’s emotionally tough but incredibly rewarding. I never thought that was where I’d end up but I absolutely love it. Very different pressures too.

TheFallenMadonna · 28/04/2018 22:59

More like 1:6 for us. And quite an interesting 6. But I love it.

WhyNotDuckie · 28/04/2018 23:04

It's time to get out, OP. I have, and it's the best decision I've ever made. PM me if you want, but honestly I sleep now, I can relax, knowing the children I currently care for have 100 percent of me, but that I'm stopping in two and a half months.