To be upset dd is set on studying nursing when she could do medicine?

[Majamandy]

My dd is very academic - she got straight As/9s in her GCSEs last year (apart from 1 D in Art) and is half way through her A levels taking Maths, Biology, Chemistry and History. Her working grades are AAAA.

She's been doing a lot of medical work experience this year, as she's been set on doing something medical for a long time. She recently told us that she's decided she's going to apply for nursing.

AIBU to think that that's a waste of her academic potential? She'd earn so much more as a doctor.

I considered doctoring, started lawyering and eventually ended up midwifing and I love my job. I wouldn’t want to be my lovely medical colleagues where ‘part time’ is still a 40 hour week. Or where they have to work 24+ hour shifts. I deliver babies which is my passion but I’m also doing my masters and have been very lucky to secure regular lucrative part time work to my existing job related to Midwifery and my masters. Nursing and Midwifery isn’t for dimwits 🙄

There are clear differences between nursing and medicine. Its true the opportunities for nurses have expanded hugely recently, and I work with fantastically skilled nurses who are advanced practitioners, some of whom are very satisfied in their roles but others who are still frustrated by the relative lack of career progression, responsibility and opportunity compared to medicine.

However medicine is hugely challenging and I’ve seen many doctors who would’ve also flown through their A levels clearly struggling with the intensity and workload of the profession. Your daughter should think very carefully about her options.

Don't talk her into doing it. If her confidence is low enough to think she'd failed her GCSEs then the stress of the medical exams would be huge for her. You do actually have to believe in yourself.

Nursing exams are tough too but have a different depth to them. It is a different career path but by no means a lesser one.

Nursing can be a very rewarding career.

Also in medicine especially there are hugely tough post graduate exams which cost £1000s to sit and you have to study and work at the same time. You can't progress far without them.

I worry deeply about what you said in your last post. I see the struggles some of my junior doctors go through. A lot of them are those that come from families where it was "expected" that you should do medicine.

I'm not an expert on the nursing profession, but my understanding is that the profession is very different to what it was decades ago--there seem to be many types of specialist nurses with very demanding training, and nurses like these seem to do a lot of work which would have been by doctors or technicians in former days.

I'd encourage her to look into the most demanding career tracks as a nurse, if that is what she wants to do and she is bright.

As for being a doctor, I'd be put off by having to train for such an extraordinary number of years, especially if I didn't want to put off having kids for too long.

YABVU obviously money and perceived prestige is more important to you than happiness. Most junior doctors wouldn't survive without the input of experienced nurses on the wards. That was my experience when I was a hospital based nurse. When my dad had cancer the Registrar actually asked me which drugs he should change due to side effects. I was godsmacked. I'm now a specialist practitioner. I think your stance sucks.

Maybe she wants to continue on from nursing into midwifery?

The two are totally different. Maybe you have an old fashioned view on what nursing is.

If I was interested in earning potential and work life balance id give both nursing and medicine a very wide berth

I'm a nurse. I wouldn't be a doctor for a million quid. Awful job.

We are far more knowledgeable about our field than some Doctors are. As a nurse, the world is her oyster. She can do anything she likes.
The phrase, nurses stop doctors from accidentally killing you, does have some truth in it!

Perhaps she wants to be a nurse.

Why not just let her choose her own career. I'd be more worried about why you're so controlling and manipulative.

Do you try to influence others, or is it just your daughter you're fixated on?

Haven't got time to read the full thread sorry as heading out. I am a nurse and a academic. Both are excellent career choices in different ways. No one will survive either if they are not 100% committed - No matter how academic they are. I would advise against the post grad/masters with registration route ( e.g. do a life science degree then a masters in nursing with nmc registration). From my experience, the attrition rate is massive as they still need to do the required 2300 clinical hours in two years along with masters level study. As many as 60% dropped put of the programme I was involved with. You can't love vicariously through your child - support her to take the route she wants.

I was you 6 years ago, exactly the same circumstances. When my bright intelligent daughter said she wanted to nursing at uni , I replied 'don't you mean medicine ' She did paediatric nursing at a red brick uni . It was a very hard degree due to the hours required on the wards as well as the uni hours , My opinions on nursing changed , it's now far more than cleaning , personal care and giving medication. She had no trouble getting a job, she could have worked anywhere in the U.K. She worked the wards for 18 months and then got a promotion in to research. Has recently just had another promotion and is doing groundbreaking research studies . She is on good money and works 9 - 5 . Nursing in itself can be a career or can be a stepping stone if she wants to branch out. My daughter is happy and doing well and I was wrong in my concerns .

It is important to find out what attracts her to nursing and make sure she's thought through the choice carefully.

But there are lots of reasons why nursing might appeal more than medicine and your preferences shouldn't come into it. It's her life.

For what it's worth, I know a lot of academically able types who went into medicine. Many found the pressures of the job overwhelming. It's a brilliant career for the right person, but it's not just about good a levels, you have to be temperamentally suited to it. Same with nursing, though I suspect the mindsets required are different.

Sigh.
Talk her round???!!! She wants to do nursing. Most of the doctors on here are telling you how hellish it is. My folks wanted me to do medicine partly I think because of the way it reflected in them that I was applying for medical school and becoming a doctor.
It’s a crap career right now. Working as a doctor in the NHS is indescribably shite.
Debts for a 5 year medical course are crippling in terms of fees and living costs.
The danger is starting a career that she doesn’t want with 50-60k debt to boot.
Seriously is this about what you want or her?
Listen to the nurses above who enjoy their careers and take pride in their work.
Listen to the doctors above who are telling you that medicine is NOT a good choice.

From recent experience in hospital it was the ward nurse practitioner who seemed to have the most interesting job. Patient contact but also making lots of higher level decisions. I saw a doctor for max five mins each day and while they passed orders on and obviously made care decisions they were very hands off.

I am a nurse who wanted to be and could have been a doctor, but am so glad that I didn’t. I couldn’t hack the conditions that NCHD’s work under, 24 hour shifts, starting at 5.30am and not finishing until 8pm, the pressure etc. I much prefer having the amount of patient contact that I have, being able to sit and offer comfort to my patients. As well as the far better work/life balance that nursing offers. Nursing is stressful and pressurised and demanding and the remuneration doesn’t reflect that in my opinion, but it still wouldn’t make me want to be a doctor.

But please don’t think that nurses are the doctor’s assistant or are a less skilled version of a doctor, we are not. We are a separate profession with differing approaches and ethos. And these days, with the amount of scope of practice changes for nurses, there are so many ways to put our skills and knowledge to use.

I graduated at the top of my class having received fairly lucrative and coveted awards throughout my degree for my academic work and will be undertaking a masters degree fully funded by a scholarship. A nursing degree is demanding academically and combined with the amount of time spent on the wards is not an easy ride.

If your daughter wants to be a nurse, support her. If she changes her mind after, there is always GEM.

.....we'll be able to talk her round.....
That says it all.
It's all about you isn't it?
Just like @pyjamas68 my relationship with my mother never recovered from her disapproval at my not being a doctor.
Beware op.

Don't talk her into doing it. If her confidence is low enough to think she'd failed her GCSEs then the stress of the medical exams would be huge for her. You do actually have to believe in yourself.

It really depends on the kind of confidence issues.

There are many young men who are confident and arrogant to think they’ll get thro med school and make great doctors, and they’re not necessarily right.

While there are lots of confident girls, there are also girls who are more diffident, more self doubting but entirely capable nonetheless who need a bit of encouragement.

DD’s GCSE results show there is a gap between her perception of her ability and the reality. If she performs equally well in her A levels her confidence may grow when she finds her self doubt disproved.

It’s conceivable that she could get through medical training despite her concerns and be an excellent doctor with the right support.

I’m slightly suspicious of the idea that somehow nursing is an ‘easier’ option - it’s a really tough job. If her confidence is so low that she can’t cope with medicine she may have the same problems with nursing.

Tbh I love my job as a doctor but I’m glad I’ve finished training. Medicine was the right choice for me but it’s not for everyone and it sounds like the OPs daughter has made an informed decision about it.

I wouldn't talk her round this is such an important decision, she must make her own mind up. You can't lumber her with your own aspirations.

YABU to be “upset”. It’s her life and her career choice. Plus take a look at the threads on here to see parents of super bright and committed to studying medicine children who still don’t manage to get on the course because it’s so competitive. Maybe she can’t face that. Obviously I know nursing is competitive too.

It may just be the school she is in or family that is from which is making her choose nursing over being a doctor. I would recommend she become a lawyer with those kinds of grades and then she can do medical legal work if she likes that side of things and then wins all round.

Majamandy I hope your daughter makes the right choice for her. Whether she decides on nursing or medicine these are both very hard careers these days, so she needs to be sure of what she is getting into.

As a nurse with a degree and just completing a Masters, your attitude is so disappointing, rude and ill-informed. Nurses are not those not clever enough to be doctors, it is a completely different profession as many have said. I earn as much or more than most of the doctors I work with - their earning rises when they get to consultant level, if they get that far in their training - plenty do not. I spend a lot of time training doctors in my speciality (Intensive Care) and would urge you to re-think your (incorrect) preconceptions.

Majamandy - would you like to share your line of work so we can judge whether it would be a disappointing waste of our children's potential to pursue that as a career?

I don't even need to read this, YABVU. It is her choice what she wants to study and she wants to be a nurse. Why should she live up to your expectations of how much she should learn? It's personal choice and she doesn't want to be a doctor.

I would highly recommend her getting a part time job in a nursing home- nurses have to clean up bodily fluids at some stage of their career- otherwise being s student nurse will come as a shock.