What made you leave him?

[Hackneey]

What was the last straw/light bulb moment?

Nowhere near as bad as some of the stories on here but it was when I met my BF's family for the first time and it became apparent through conversation that the sibling he had told me was dead was very much alive...

It wasn't the final straw when he hit me.

It wasn't the final straw when he would threaten to to wake the baby and toddler up in the night, so I had to look after them, unless I came downstairs and had sex with him.

It wasn't the final straw when he accused me of sleeping with my job centre advisor.

It wasn't the final straw when he started turning up everywhere I went and just stood there watching me.. the shop, the sure start centre, the park.

The final straw came when he was shouting at me and my 2 year old said "Naughty Mummy! You be naughty to Daddy!"

I never looked back. Get out op, your life can be so much better than this.

When I realised my exH preferred spending time on other people and his (endless fucking) hobbies than with me and the DC

When he took the side of our (female) boss (pre kids) who was bullying me and threw it in my face years later accusing me of being rude and awkward. I wasn’t. I was 6weeks pg and said I couldn’t lift a particularly heavy item.

When I realised screaming abuse for hours at someone wasn’t a normal part of any relationship. He had made abnormal my ‘normal’.

When I went out with my friends for my birthday the weekend before last year and he didn’t acknowledge me for 3 days, on my birthday he didn’t even as much as say happy birthday and not even a card from the kids. My kids were heart broken and one had to be pulled out of class to make me cards and presents as he felt he had let mummy down. I came home that night from work dropped kids at DMs and told him to be gone by the time I got home, I went to the cinema on my own and when I got back he was gone. Not a single year was shed and the relief was amazing

When he stamped on my sunglasses. Funnily enough years of verbal and eventually physical abuse hadn't done it. it was Christmas Day, we'd had a shit day, he'd poured a drink over me, I'd changed the bed twice because he'd poured drinks on that and I was still excusing him in my head. Then he stamped on my sunglasses, which I'd saved up for for months and months on end and it was like something snapped in me. I called my brother to rescue me, and I never went back.

It wasn't the final straw when he would threaten to to wake the baby and toddler up in the night, so I had to look after them, unless I came downstairs and had sex with him.*

Same thing here, without sex. He was shouting abuse at me as usual, then went to the bedroom to look for something, stood in the middle of the bedroom with the door wide open still shouting. He knew DS now 2 was in there sleeping, he knew I just put him to sleep after an exhausting day. He didn't care, DS woke up and I had to go in there and take care of him. Bastard

Some of these stories are heartbreaking, I'm full of admiration for you walking away.

My final straw was when I suggested to a BF who blew very hot and cold - mostly depending on whether he needed something - we could go for a look round the shops the next day and he said 'Oh yes, what's my budget?!'.

The scales fell from my eyes in that instant.
Free loading wanker.

Wow, men are scum.

My heart is breaking reading these stories. I’m sending hugs and to every single woman on here. What is it about our culture that allows so many men to behave in these disgusting ways to the women they’re closest to, the mother of their children? I hope our daughters grow up into a more equal world.
OP, you can do better. He doesn’t deserve you.

It was the night I slept with a knife under the bed because he's scared me so much with how angry he had been the previous night.

Why was he so angry?

I had a cold and had been snoring.

The sudden clanging realisation that this was my life and nothing would change unless I left.

I hope you're ok OP.
My moments were:

• I confessed to a friend that I wished he were dead and the look of shock on her face made me realise what a terrible thing that is to wish for
• when he failed to come home all night and I felt such a sense of happiness that he wasn't home
• when he told me that he hoped I would fail my college exams

@ImNotMeImSomeoneElse how long were you with him? My DH get angry at the smallest things as well and I worry one day that'll be the end of everything. We have a DD 17 months old and I don't want her growing up in a house with so much anger. She's the sweetest, happiest little girl and DH is the exact opposite.

I was with him for 14 years. He wasn't angry often, but when he was it was always unsettling. That episode was by far the worst.

There were many other issues too, that was the one that made me realise I couldn't continue.

Can you speak to him about it, when he's relatively calm? Maybe try and find ways together that he could manage his anger better? If that's the only issue, it's one that can be worked on - assuming there's no violence.

Mine was also after one long drunken rant, it dawned on me that my beautiful children would one day see daddy treating mummy that way. I’d already endured so many drunken outbursts, so much verbal abuse but to the point where I just lived on eggshells. It took a while for him to go but life is so much happier now. He would have destroyed us with his anger and drink, and I thank god im out of it.

When he decided that me asking my mum to lend me money to replace a laptop that I needed for my degree was me “going behind his back” and “making decisions without him.” Despite him walking out of his job when we had two DC’s the youngest of which was six months old and he knew I was due to start my degree in eight months and refused to apply for other jobs.

When he forgot the date of my DF's life saving, kill or cure, operation. 3 days before it took place. When it was in our joint calender and I was leaving the next day to stay with my rents for a fortnight to drive DM to and from ITU.

I went upstairs and sent bff a message saying it was the final straw. Left after DF came out of hospital (alive!).

Big love to OP and all of you amazing women.

There were tons of things which built up to it over several years, death by a thousand cuts. Abusive language, heavy drinking, putting me down in a variety of ways. The lightbulb moment was when, six weeks after having walked out of a perfectly job in order to "start his own business", after I had expressly begged him not to, he demanded five grand from me to start said business and then threatened to set fire to the house if I refused.

That was the point at which I definitively knew I could never be safe or trust him to put mine and my daughter's interests first.

Bad temper on and off for 20 plus years. Never hit me but aggression around me - punching fist threw walls / wash up bowls! A glass oven door! Foul swearing and insults. - recently "yoy f...in sh..stirrer" . Defending others befire me . Saying i have no loyalty to him / easily offended / me walking on eggshells / emotional abuse - says nasty things in row then later says didnt mean it!! Aggressive voice and shouty. I feel scared and my heart goes fast. And final straw - emotional affair with work colleague and a kiss (what i know for sure). Denial/ dismissal / now sorry and says im unforgiving as im struggling with this. Told him i want separation. Why have i put up with it for so long? Im a weak person but have got tougher. I gave posted about his EA /kiss on another thread.

After being unhappy for a few years realising that I would be sad if either of my dd had a husband like their father. Unmotivated and selfish not that interested in them or me for that matter.constantly lied about looking for work while I worked 14.5 hour shifts.
I love love love being away from him and now being confident enough to completely protect my girls from him.

After he strangled me and this was after he took a knife to my throat.
I was going back to him, i had fled to my mums in fear, when i posted on mumsnet.

Mumsnet quite literally saved my life. Thanks to all those who replied to my thread and urged me to end things.

Op you are worth so much more. to you and all the brave women who put up with so much...

Leave, leave, leave! You’ve had your final straw.

I have recently split up with my stbxh, agonised over the decision but just 3 weeks in feel so much happier & more relaxed. Didn’t realise how stressed it had all made me feel.

Leave op I know it seems hard and scary but it's not worth living like that.

I finally got the strength to leave last year I had given my emotionally abusive ex of 10 years a month to change (Not sure why). We took our oldest out for a meal and he spent the whole time asking her things like "Do you love me because I don't think mum does" "Do you think I've changed and do more round the house because mummy doesn't appreciate it". I was working nights at the time and he did nothing I was getting 3 hours sleep a day as I was living the life of a stay at home mum doing school runs (I would get home from a 12 hour shift to him in bed saying he was tired and hadn't got the children ready for school) and everything. The days he was off work he would bully me to go out for the day. I ended up like a zombie and used to fantasies about driving off a bridge so I didn't need to live like that anymore.

Him ruining our night out with dd just seemed to make me snap. I now work days have hardly any money but we are all so much happier. I'm also loving no one guilt tripping me into sex or trashing the house. I haven't felt this happy in a very long time.

Oh gosh, horrific stories. I'm glad all of you have moved on and are much happier now .

How are you doing today OP?