What made you leave him?

[Hackneey]

What was the last straw/light bulb moment?

He picked my dog up, bit her on the face and then dropped her on the floor.

It was amazing how much I was willing to put up with that was directed at me, but the moment he hurt my dog, that was it.

When I had to call the police because he’d smashed up the house in a drunken rage whilst I was sat on the bed cuddling three scared little girls.

I realised life was too short and every moment counts.

I didn't want to look back and see that I'd wasted a second longer on the abusive asshole, he'd already had ten years.

I left and changed my entire life for the better within roughly a month of that thought. Soon as id arranged a rental place. Best decision ever and that was ten years ago. Now i have very nearly everything I always wanted and the best, kindest, most helpful and loving DP

I also have a kickass independent DD who I set a good example to and who isn't afraid to drop the substandard dross from her life

Ex 1.
When he had got a new job, told me he couldnt see me for a week though he finished everyday at 1pm. He done it to see me cry so it was reassurance for him to see how much i loved him - like I always did when he would pretend to finish me.

Ex2. I got fed up of his lies, bragging and attention seeking. And controlling.
He finished me when i was out with friends cos he hated it. So i kissed someone else that night. Finished him a few days later

Hope your okay

When, after years of putting up with being financially controlled, emotionally abused (calling me awful names and insulting my family at every turn, saying they didn't love me etc) and on occasion physically hurting me (choking, shoving, hair pulling, refusing to let me leave rooms) because I wanted desperately to get married and have a "stable home life", he said "I'll never marry you". Left that day.

OP, it's dreadful what happened to you, and unforgivable. You poor thing - you can do it xx

I had it pretty easy by MN standards; the 'fuckit' moment came when DS1 was a few months old and I looked at his phone. He'd cheated while I was pregnant and behaved atrociously. I'd mistakenly thought he could/would change but sat at home one night and had an overwhelming need to check it. And there she was.

The saddest part really is that I wasn't surprised or hurt. I think I did my grieving before that point.

He attacked me in front of my five year old and my five year old was pulling at his arm and screaming "Stop! Leave my Mum alone!" There'd been a lot of abuse but mostly hidden from the kids. I knew I could never take him back after that, it was out of my hands. There was no way I could let my children see that ever again.

Had mine today. Realised that my previously lovely DH has morphed into a controlling, sexually coercive, jealous, bitter manipulative creep.
I'm planning for my new life, with the help of Mum, friends and a counsellor

And also from some marvellous mumsnet advice of course

When I woke up in HDU after he had kicked me hard enough to rupture my appendix's and had left me laying on the hallway floor to be seen by the postman the next day.
Funnily enough the broken jaw hadn't done the job before hand.

@MissKillstar I’m glad you have RL support and well done

"D"P - got violent, threatened to kill me and batter baby DS.
"D"H - trawling the Internet for other women, sending dick pics to them and finally getting sprung meeting someone (won't go into detail but was very sordid and led to him being arrested ).
I'm staying single once my divorce is finished.

He doesn’t deserve you OP.

My ex had secret debt and was paying for webcam porn which intimately ended with him attempting to meet the woman for sex. Whilst I had a six month old and PND.

Oh OP, that’s a bloody disgusting thing to say to your child, about you. Just awful. Quietly make your plans and go when he isn’t there to stop you.

When I found empty bottles in the bedroom and finally admitted that he loved alcohol more than me and the DDs.

You're not a bad person. He is. You've had your "lightbulb" moment. Hes not good for you. Make a plan and go x

After years of abuse, I spent a few hours with a policeman who was so upset at catching my ex dh in the act that he was shaking and had to smoke. My ex had tried to kill me. The police officer listened and gave me the strength to leave permanently. I assured me that I would be dead before long. He assured me I was worth more. 20 years on, I’m alive and happy because of that lovely policeman.

Definitely a case of LTB. Op, I hope you are ok and well done all of you for leaving. Very inspiring all the brave stories

He assured me!

Not so much leave him (as we weren't living together) but convinced me to split up with him:-
Henever wanted to go out anywhere with me. We had been together 4 and a half years,and this was something that happened over the last year of our relationship. We used to go out for meals,to a coffee shop,shopping,weekends away,then gradually he stopped wanting to do any of those things. It got to the point where all he wanted to do was stay in and watch TV,and expect me to keep him company.
Also,his sleeping habits. I know this is going to sound stupid,maybe even petty,but his snoring was getting me down. He was not remotely overweight and didn't drink alcohol but his snoring was absolutely awful. I'm a light sleeper at the best of times,(various health issues not helping) so every time he stayed over,I was barely sleeping a wink. Add to that the fact that he would fall asleep within seconds of his head touching the pillow,so no chance of me falling asleep before him. Then at 7am without fail,the second he opened his eyes,he was out of bed. Whereby I'd be laying there feeling like a wrung out dishcloth,simmering with resentment. Rightly or wrongly,this was a contributing factor in our break up.
He kept making a fuss about my cat coming into the bedroom. It had never bothered him before,but over the last year of our relationship he became more and more touchy about it,saying it was causing him to sneeze.
I think the absolute clincher was when he was due to come round one evening to stay overnight and he phoned me in the afternoon saying did I mind if he didn't come as he wasn't feeling at all well? A year before,I would have minded,but I found myself just feeling relieved.

Mine were a group of moments over a couple of months.

He went to Paris with his female colleague for work over my birthday. When i asked him not to me he was vile and told me I was alwayd holding him back and never let him do what he wanted. So I just told him to go.

When me and all 3 kids had awful hfm and I begged him to take a day off as i had blisters all over my feet and struggled looking after the kids. He looked me in th eye and said "no I have commitments "

When I tried to get him interested in sex and he looked around me to watch star trek.

When we didn't go though with his vasectomy and said I was forcing him to mutilate himself and he may want kids with someone else in future (he is 47).

When we were having the same argument for the 80 zillionth sodding time. Something just clicked in my head and that was it. There were lots of other things, but that was the final straw. Sometimes you just know what you need to do.

I used to have a vision of the two of us in our 80s shrunken and wizened in a tiny dark little house with only each other. He didn't see the point of other people, and thought wanting a child was the same as being unfaithful. Quite suddenly I realised I had to choose and take action if I wanted anything to change. Never a moment's regret in 17 years.

Sadly, I have had to put an end to a 12-year relationship - it was never perfect! - cos he kept expecting me to pay more than my fair share of the finances....

I am a single mum.

To be fair, he did do some wonderful things for me, which was what kept me hanging on.

That's awful OP

My ex - we'd gone out for a meal and for no reason he slapped me round the back of the head on the way home. He was a 6'2 very strong man - it hurt. I was utterly fed up with his aggressive behaviour and walking on egg shells.