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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why some people on here go straight for the jugular?

72 replies

Muse84 · 25/04/2018 22:32

I'm just really taken aback by some comments to a variety of threads. Comments that come in thick and fast and usually quite early on/without a long lead up or any clear justification

Two examples of many:
You are a shit person
Why don't you just shut the fuck up

And I don't mean trolls or in reaction to terrible things people have said.

Everyone is allowed their opinions, I think MN is fantastic and a huge source of support. But when some posters disagree, they talk in a way I can't imagine they ever would to another persons face. I genuinely find some responses quite shocking

OP posts:
Original poster
Muse84 · 25/04/2018 22:32

And don't tell me to go somewhere else if it offends me. Not offended, I'm just always surprised!

OP posts:
NotUmbongoUnchained · 25/04/2018 22:34

Because a vast majority of posters aren’t very intelligent. They can’t articulate what to say, so they attack.

Or they’re just cunts.

Probably just cunts.

Hippee · 25/04/2018 22:37

I can't get over how confident people are in their own stance - they really look down on people who are struggling to manage their children, aren't cleaning their houses well enough, aren't telling CFs to fuck off, etc. ...

I wonder if they are so lacking in empathy in RL.

croprotationinthe13thcentury · 25/04/2018 22:39

It’s the swearing I don’t like. It’s a fucking disgrace.

AssassinatedBeauty · 25/04/2018 22:39

They're not very nice and they're posting here to make themselves feel good at the expense of others.

Both of those comments are personal attacks and will get deleted if you report them. Posters that continually post personal attacks will eventually get banned.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 25/04/2018 22:41

probably they have had a bad day in real life tbh.

CocoPuffsInGodMode · 25/04/2018 22:42

Well I suspect the first one would fall under "personal attack" and be deleted if reported. The second I don't know if it would be deleted but I think MN have given warnings to posters before about their style of posting. Again, you'd have to report.

Some people are just that aggressive and pig ignorant in RL of course and then there are plenty who wouldn't be brave enough in RL but the anonymity of the internet allows them to indulge their desire to be nasty fuckers!

BIWI · 25/04/2018 22:43

I think some people take the 'nest of vipers' reputation as an instruction. They think they have to make unnecessarily brutal replies to people.

AIBU is at the root of this, I think. Posters seem to think it's essential to be rude there. Often under the guise of 'telling it like it is', rather than trying to be supportive.

CocoPuffsInGodMode · 25/04/2018 22:45

Oh I don't know FriedChicken I think that's making excuses for them. We all have bad days surely? I know there are times I might be a bit sharper depending on my mood but the examples given by Op aren't justified by having a bad day.

CocoPuffsInGodMode · 25/04/2018 22:51

I agree BIWI and unfortunately AIBU sets the tone for the rest of the site. It's the most active topic I think and generally four out of five Discussions of the Day threads are from there, feeding more and more users to AIBU. So more people post there and absorb the tone and it carries on.

Chinesecrested · 25/04/2018 23:32

I'm surprised at the difference in tone and language between Mumsnet and gransnet. They're much gentler and less critical. I suppose the mums are at that stage where life is a challenge, whereas the grans have seen it all before!

kittenpawss · 25/04/2018 23:36

I have to agree, the way people talk to others on here with attitude and sass for no apparent reason and no evidence of them being provoked. Some people are just rude, very rude.

It's funny because you know that these are people who have nothing better to do then it here on MN and find threads to get their teeth stuck into. These people are supposed to be mothers.
(Chuckles to self) Grin

Battleax · 25/04/2018 23:37

Did you report those posts?

ilovesooty · 25/04/2018 23:38

Have you reported these posts OP?

NotAgainYoda · 26/04/2018 05:42

How can you know they are not trolls?

People manage to be perfectly civil on other parts of the board; AIBU attracts all sorts, some of whom are just out for being rude for shits and giggles.

Report anything that concerns you and ignore

FullMetalRabbit · 26/04/2018 06:13

I didn’t know you could report them for personal attacks - thanks for the heads up

YANBU OP

It’s as though some people are trying to be the first person to say “you sound like hard work” or similar when someone is at the end of their tether trying to get genuine advice

footballmum · 26/04/2018 06:18

I think some people get a kick out of it. Of course you could never speak to someone like that in RL so they enjoy having the freedom to do so online, hide behind the anonymity and suffer no consequences. They don’t give a shit if they hurt someone’s feelings in the process.

Original poster
Muse84 · 26/04/2018 07:32

Very true. I think a lot of this is hiding behind the anonymity of the Internet, there's no way these people would talk like this in real life!

In answer to the comments about reporting, I don't think they're reportable, just rude and a little vicious. Plus I'd never leave the house, there are sometimes hundreds of such examples in single threads!

OP posts:
PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 26/04/2018 07:43

There are a few on here who have spent years cultivating a ‘direct no nonsense’ online persona and would try and have us believe that is how they talk and behave in real life too. Of course being an internet hard man/women is easy, speaking to people like that in real life though would probably lead to a bloody nose because strangely enough talking and acting like a cunt rarely results in positive outcomes.

AssassinatedBeauty · 26/04/2018 07:54

Of course they're reportable. Direct personal attacks are against talk guidelines. Reporting takes two seconds and then the posts will be removed. Imo if you don't engage with the moderating process then it's a bit odd to complain about the posts that you see.

HadronCollider · 26/04/2018 07:57

Well I have been harsh (never rude or sweary I just think thats uncalled for) but harder in tone a couple of times, and when I look back, I think I must have had stuff going on and probably would have been feeling imapitent in RL too.

I once changed username and posted something very personal about something DH did in the Relationships thread. I was in tears as I wrote it. Then one poster told me I was stupid for being so trusting or something. It felt like a physical punch in the stomach at the time, just because I felt so vulnerable. It really showed me that people can be quite sensitive when they are low and really hurt even by 'straight talking' posters on an anonymous forum. I would be careful about posting something in a crisis ever again.

That poster is obviously clueless about the hurt they caused. So in general at least some people are just like that in RL and are unaware cause no points it out to them?

flowerslemonade · 26/04/2018 08:03

I think they just get used to talking like that and possibly don't talk like that in real life. I've noticed people are very critical on here. Or nit pick on little things that don't matter. Correcting someone else's spelling and grammar, someone you don't know, is appalling really and snobbish. Maybe they have less of a filter in real life as well, saying what comes into their head directly. I think people should reflect more on the impact their words have. There is enough trouble in the world and people feeling down without adding to it when it's unnecessary.

HoHoHoHo · 26/04/2018 08:17

I think some people truly believe that calling someone a cunt when they are already down counts as ascerbic wit.

CharDeeMacDennis · 26/04/2018 08:25

Sometimes I'll read an OP and be able to predict which small details the poster will be hauled over the coals for within the first dozen replies, whilst their actual problem gets ignored.

It can be so nasty and unnecessary.

To be fair, the tide usually turns, and it can just take one dissenting poster to stop the pile-on.

Storminateapot · 26/04/2018 08:32

I'd never, ever post on here for help. I've noticed it's often certain posters and particularly bad on a Monday morning and Friday evening when drink's been had at the end of a tough week.

I think some people use this site to vent their frustrations in life by being cruel and vile to strangers. I very much doubt they are so obnoxious in real life.

There are a couple of posters who I think run their school's debating clubs and practice their skills of arguing the contrary point to everything in the face of all reason.

Some think they are funny. Some obviously feel powerless and impotent irl so come here to bully others and feel validated/heard. Some do it for fun or as a deliberate wind-up.

There's one poster in particular I've noticed who never ever has a kind word for anyone - just wades in with yes you're are definitely BU to everything and is sometimes downright cruel. I do wonder what's going on in her life to make her so unkind.

It's a fascinating place but not one where I'd ever look for support that's for sure.