To wonder why some people on here go straight for the jugular?

[Muse84]

I'm just really taken aback by some comments to a variety of threads. Comments that come in thick and fast and usually quite early on/without a long lead up or any clear justification

Two examples of many:
You are a shit person
Why don't you just shut the fuck up

And I don't mean trolls or in reaction to terrible things people have said.

Everyone is allowed their opinions, I think MN is fantastic and a huge source of support. But when some posters disagree, they talk in a way I can't imagine they ever would to another persons face. I genuinely find some responses quite shocking

I haven't met anybody that's kind on MN yet. Just all argumentative arrogant idiots.

When someone is patronising, denigrating or being straight up nasty to an OP that is struggling I'll tell them to shut the fuck up.

I used to roll my eyes a bit at the "AIBU is so mean" posts, but now I agree it is quite uncomfortable at times. The worst for me is the often vitriolic pile on for the most innocuous thing :

OP - I went food shopping..
MN - You buy food?? - you should grow your own. All you need is 5 acres of land and a gardener.
OP - ...to find a treat for MIL who has been ill recently...
MN - Food isn't a treat. You'll cause an eating disorder. Also why isn't your husband buying food for his mother. You have a DH problem.
OP - DH works long hours...
MN - Ahhh. Affair. Turn up at his office with a picnic/stake out his hotel room.
Op - < gives up >
MN - Why ask if you don't want to hear the answer

I can't bear the personal remarks either. It's one thing to tell somebody that what they did was selfish/inconsiderate/nasty or whatever. It's a completely different thing to post:
"You sound like a nasty piece of work"
"You're obviously a selfish cow who always treats people like dirt" or whatever.

But some people just don't get that, and post horrible personal remarks to complete strangers, whose lives they know little or nothing about.

The nitpicking does my head in. Some just seem to want to go onto a post to find other posters comments that they can pick apart to make them justify everything, derailing the whole topic. I think that's the power trip, can I get everyone to talk about something other than the op? It's bizarre if you ask me.

Oh and the "haven't you left your dp yet? Well why are you posting again if you didn't take our advice and leave them the first time?" Because it's real life and you don't just walk out on your dp because they're a little bit crap at washing up.

Katsu, exactly

I completely agree. You also get people on here who just really want an argument! Bizarre!
I sometimes read the first page of a post where everyone is being really nice and then click on the last page and people are just arguing with each other! Then DEMANDING an update from the OP!

I report PAs all the time. Even when I agree with the person making the PA. Even if I think someone isound a bit of a twat I wouldn’t dream of saying it in a post. That would be obnoxious. It’s also pointless. If I think someone is being really, really unreasonable then surely it’s more effective if I explain why rather than just insulting them.

I think some people are just bitter and nasty and I think they genuinely get a kick out of trying to upset people.

The more people that report the better. I have reported posts that are particularly unkind even though they don’t contain personal attacks and MNHQ have deleted the posts. I rarely do it but I will if someone is hellbent on trying to upset someone.

I wouldn’t dream of starting a thread on here myself.

OP I've thought this since I joined Mumsnet.I bet hardly any of the people you are referring to would ever be so blunt in real life though.Im the opposite I'm rarely confrontational on here because it's not real life to me but I would never tolerate it in person

I think people with intelligence and decency are able to attack a post they don't agree with, without attacking the person behind the post.

Ignorant unimaginative people can't differentiate between the two and think it's perfectly okay to make nasty hurtful remarks about a poster's personality or grammar or come up with all kinds of ill founded speculation about how the poster behaves in other aspects of their lives. "You're obviously the kind of person who......" It's rude, bullying and obnoxious.

Keyboard warriors..... Basically people feel safe behind their computers because they are somewhat anonymous. They would never talk to someone like that in real life for fear of being outed for the vile individuals they are.

@user1485342611 oh this forum haha, hey why don't you all head over to my thread that I'm getting burned for!! I agree with you OP.

I've had enough, I can't remember anybody being nice on this site.

I obviously agree with a lot of the responses here...

Maybe this is controversial but in general, women can be so bitchy, yet also less able to say what they think to people's faces.

Compare to men (who of course have their faults!!) who are more likely to say what they think.

I know there are always exceptions, but to me this is the general pattern of things.

And so, hidden behind the safety of the keyboard, posters can (over) compensate for not speaking their minds enough in real life.

But regardless of reasons, I think it's really mean and entirely unnecessary. I see people kicking the boot in well after an OP has backed down/apologised for whatever heinous thing they said.

And to echo what others have said... Some of these women are mothers!

I’m a bit surprised at some of the hypocrisy on here.
So far, I’ve read: they are cunts, they are ignorant, sad, not very bright; grow up etc. But that is quite literally doing the exact same as what you’re accusing those people off. You don’t agree with their behaviour (being rude – in your opinion – or outspoken etc.), therefore you call them cunts, in this thread. These people you’re calling names they think they are right in e.g. calling the OP out on their CF behaviour, and you obviously think you are right too.

There is no difference. Absolutely all of us are capable of being unkind/cruel/ignorant etc. in someone else’s eyes. Let him/her who is without sin and all that. And strangely enough very often it is those women who take no sh*t from anyone who are accused of being bitches. You can do that in the most measured, polite way but the person you’re standing up to will still think you rude for it. And maybe you will swear whilst you do it, which is a mortal sin it would seem.

Meh we should all be a little more tolerant (this doesn't equal doormat though).

Don'tforget we're talking in general about a certain type of poster, we're not telling individual posters that they're ignorant, not very bright etc. That is when posts become unacceptably rude and hurtful.

Fair point

muse84 MOST of these women are mothers, highly opinionated, agressive, intolerant and dismissive mothers.....

Yes, women are socialised to not be opinionated and outspoken where men are praised and encouraged to do so.

Everyone, man or woman, is more outspoken on an anonymous Internet forum than face to face. It's obvious why and not to do with sex. People notice it more when they know or expect that the posters are female, and apparently being a mother means it's especially terrible if you are not appropriately polite and nice. Where is the judgement on all the outspoken and aggressive fathers that post online?

And there's the assumption that if you're considered rude and unpleasant on here, then you will of course be exactly the same in real life to your children and family.

Anyway,I wish people would just report stuff that breaks the guidelines and engage with the mods.

I think quite a few people on here forget that they might be writing responses to a real person, one who may or may not be having a very hard time.

Particularly unpleasant is where they are horrible to someone who is obviously not terribly well educated or has English as an additional languages and say things like "FOR GOD'S SAKE, WHERE ARE YOUR PARAGRAPHS?!?" Or where the OP has said something like "Fair enough, I am being unreasonable" and they STILL pile in to tell her that she should hang her head in shame / should have a big think as to why she ever thought whatever it was was okay / sounds like a wicked person.

I made the mistake of recommending this site to a friend once. A single parent with 3 children, who was lonely. I thought chatting to other women online would help her a bit. I said: " Lets go on the same thread together" So we did. My friend started by offering helpful advice on a thread. She temporarily forgot she wasn't texting. And wrote the first post in 'text' speak. Immediately a posh poster jumped on her comment with : POSTER 1234, NOBODY CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. SORT OUT YOUR GRAMMER FGS!!

She stopped posting and never returned to MN. I never bothered to invite her back.

Having said that I have also seen incredibly kind posters. Sometimes on breakup threads, depression threads, new mum threads. So its extreme swings and round-a-bouts. There's a certain poster I tend to think is a complete bitch. Always 'direct' comments. Then one day that same poster said something really kind and thoughtful to me. So meh. Go figure!!

I agree with @AssassinatedBeauty

It's internet 101

There is always someone who will be an arsehole and conversely someone who will be offended either on the behalf of others or themselves.

The problem is that the lines have become really blurred in some scenarios on mumsnet between someone having a different opinion and them being an outright troll/gf/male/going for the jugular.

It bothers me more that people don't bother to read the OP properly before commenting and then ask irrelevant things. Or don't skim through for OP updates and still comment on the original OP. But I've got permanent PMT.