For being bitterly disappointed at the language and attitudes of people on MN lately?

[CS1753]

I started using MN for support when I was going through hard times, hopefully supporting people when they were going through their hard times, learn new things, catch up with news etc. Lately however every thread I go on seems to be one big fight session. People are either being purposefully nasty or having a go at anyone who disagrees with their opinion - foul language included in the bundle. Is this really what this site is turning in to? Surely everyone is entitled to an opinion and surely if you don't agree and can't be mature about you should follow my mother's advice 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all'.

I love 'heated debates'. It is what appeals to me about MN. You shouldn't take it so personally.

This is going to set some people off I'm sure. I agree totally. A while ago someone started a thread saying that MN was poo and so were a lot of posters (not exact quote). I posted to say I had not found that to be the case but since then have been appalled at the nastiness and judgemental attitudes of some posters. I am all for free speech but most of the time it is not even constructive criticism, just plain bitchiness.

Message withdrawn

i try to avoid the ones that look like they are going to kick off. i think we've had a lot of trolls recently as well as namechanging which has resulted in some nastiness

Hasn't there always been swearing on MN - surely that's not new?

As for 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all', I would hate the way MN would become if everyone thought like that!

I agree with the OP. I've seen some amazing support for people on MN and when its at its best its fantastic, but there are times when its nothing more than a bitch-fest, with people having a go at the most inconsequential thing or just being unkind.

We should all mind our manners and be a little kinder IMHO!

oh god here we go

Its not even like the newbies coming on and starting fights it seems to be newbies coming on and asking a question and then the oldies coming on and saying stuff like parp and fark off

have oyu changed your name for htis by any chance

ground hog

parp and fark orf

pmsl

yes this really IS a parp

i avoid eg dont read or contribute to certain threads namely

SAHM Vs Working mum
Breast Vs Bottle Feeding
Private Schooling Vs State

largely because when i have looked at any of above topics they quickly descend into lots of faces and cross exchanges, spurious arguemnts and too much upset

i use MN for info/chat/support/laugh/pass time so not interested in heated debates or slnging match.

IMO, In real life people would not be so rude/heated/judgemental/ and such topics would barely be touched on for fear of offending someone - but internet offers anonnimity and so people can be and frequently are inflammatory also a pack mentality can arise and everyone can collectively whip each other up

I agree with the OP. I've been a MN lurker for a long time but have only recently dared to start posting as I'm always a little afraid of what reactions I might get. I still haven't dared to post on a heated discussion. I think the nastiness is very off-putting to newbies.

lol

Kathy - I didn't mean literally - sorry should have been clearer. I just meant that there are ways to put a point across without being nasty and making personal attacks on people.

Thanks Gin - I will keep perservering as I really did like the site when I first started using it.

Why would you lurk for a long time and then post on a site that you think is nasty and scary? This is not a rhetorical question.

oh god
do you not htink its rude to come into a foruma nd slag it off

MN can be shit, I agree.

People come on for different reasons surely. Some people are seeking support, some want a debate, others should be getting on with their work....

Agree Cod

Thing is, though, it's not Real Life, is it? So some people get brave and possibly cowardly and say exactly what they think whereas they might in RL try to express themselves more tactfully. And I can't help thinking that those who are hurt by virtual comments, are perhaps taking it all too seriously and should stick to RL.
(Damn, have not really said what I'm trying to say!)

mn is wonderful

mn is wonderful and although there can be bitchiness i dont see that any more than there can be in RL really, but i tend to avoid most controversial threads anyway!

I like the debate, but there's debate and there's debate. Some of the posters, some of the more popular posters even, have a very specific type of sharpness and edge that I associate with fancy schools and universities; they write concise, zingy, hurtful and patronising posts that make me cringe. And that's different from proper debate (IMHO). Other kinds of sharpness, the less showy kind, don't bother me as much. Like Custy, whose posts I love, doesn't seem to be trying to prove anything. Motherinferior, like Custy, is so smart and good at debating, and yet it would be impossible to feel hurt by any of her posts. I understand feeling strongly about something and wanting to express it, but I don't understand why it's so hard to be a little considerate. I think message boards probably lend themselves to impoliteness, but that's not an orginal viewpoint.