To take offence at shitty comment

[Happyhippy45]

I posted on Facebook about something I'd bought with my birthday money.
I've been unable to work for over 2 years due to my disability and my days are difficult to fill as I'm more or less housebound. I bought an arts and crafts item to "keep me busy."
My SIL "liked" my post and then commented something along the lines of "very good, get on with it, but isn't it time you went back to work?"
It was followed by some hearts so does that mean there was no malice intended?
Her mum is always asking me if I'm back to work yet.
I'm trying not to get riled about it but I think it was such an insensitive comment. Should I forgive her ignorance or get her told!

Pleeeeeeease knit the hat OP! 😂

But falling was right to say it needs to be considered. Even if it's just making craft bits and bobs to sell

Wow just wow.

Op has only just got the energy to make a few things to stop the boredom but she should start making crafts to sell to earn money?

Yes cos having a good day once or twice a week will allow her to make and sell enough friendship bracelets and soon she will be minted and won't need any financial support for her disability at all.

How freaking patronising telling someone who cannot carry a cup some days that she needs to get on and make enough crafty bits and bobs to earn enough money to live on!

Funnily enough you need to be working a hell of a lot of hours to make enough things to sell to make any money selling crafts. Thrn there is the promoting them, sending orders out etc etc. Or do you think she should expect people to be knocking on her door to buy them?

Op doesnt need all that stress on top of a debilitating illness.

I despair sometimes. Basically you are saying " Come along you lovely little disabled person you pats op on head you can do it cos i said you can and i know nothing about your illness or what having 15 fits a week feels like or how debilitating they but i am sure i am wiser than you are so stop being a burden to everyone and sitting on your arse feeling sorry for yourself and get working."

There's a man with no legs who climbed Mt. Everest so OF COURSE the OP is capable of making crafted items that she can sell to sustain herself and her family.

I'm so sorry that people are showing their ignorance and lack of empathy OP.

Wow. Some people really don’t get it.

its not about needing adaptations. It’s not about being able to sit at a desk. It’s about no employer wanting an employee who is fine one day and then unable to get out of bed the next. The only adjustments my employer could make for me were reasonably flexible working hours and two days from home a week and I still couldn’t do it. You can adapt for a chair or visual impairment, you can’t adapt for fluctuating Pain and fatigue that’s unpredictable.

And for the last 7 years I’ve been “making craft bits and bobs to sell”. Any idea how hard it is to make a profit? How much work is involved in the selling part? Getting orders done to deadlines when you can’t move? Getting packages to the post office when you can barely walk to the loo?

Some people have no bloody idea.

This thread has upset me, the things the OP and several other posters have had to put up with is so horrible.

Imagine having MS so severe that being able to carry a cup of tea once for a short distance without a walker is a good day then being asked when you're going back to work, fucking disgustingly cruel.

@Mummyoflittledragon
That’s my life too btw. My brother screamed at me that I’m not disabled, has threatened to hit me in a minute and deck me because I can’t do certain things.
Just OMG. I'm sorry to say this but what a bastard he sounds.

Thank you everyone for the support. I genuinely thought I was maybe overreacting or being a bit sensitive. It seems I wasn't.
I want my life back......but I have to let go and not mourn my loss.
I am doing all that I can to recover some sort of semblance of independence and stay sane. Beyond that I have no more energy.
Once I am able to do some sort of work I will be! Being stuck in the house all day is soul destroying not a relaxing lovely time to do crafts.
I'm sick of having to justify and explain why I can't do things to some friends and family. Don't get me started on the DWP!
Funnily I just had a friend suggest I sell my bracelets earlier today. He meant it in the nicest possible way though. I would be getting a reward for my efforts. They really are pretty good even if I say so myself. It takes me 20 minutes to make one and then I need to rest. I've not calculated how much I'd need to charge per item to make a living. I don't think it's a viable business option though

There are times to rise above comments and this is not one of them. All of your friends on Facebook will have seen that comment. She absolutely needs pulling up on it. What an insensitive, crass person. What did your son say?

My son sent a screen shot of her message and said "You do realise that my mum has MS?" She's not responded yet. He's not trying to start a fight with her. Just trying to put her right. --though he'd probably cherish a bit of agro with his aunt
She obviously doesn't "get it" which is understandable to some degree. We are not all empathetic individualist. Sometimes you need to go through something yourself or be close to someone who is to understand.

*individuals

I like petulant polecat’s response - adapted to your unique circs.
Either that or a succinct ‘ Miaow!’
Do challenge her if you feel able to. That was a nasty little comment.

Good on your son!

I would still reply to he comment along the lines of
"As you are well aware sil I would love to go back to work but having ms makes this dream pretty much impossible.
Thank you for your unnecessary reminder of this."

Well I've seen some patronising fuckology on MN over the years but a couple of posters on this thread really take the biscuit. Oooh Op might be able to do this or that, it needs to be considered . By whom exactly? Op posted about a comment made by her SIL, not to list off her medical issues so that randomers could determine whether in their opinion backed up by the medical degree they got in a cornflakes box presumably she ought to be able to work.

Christ, I've read posts from MNers with disabilities about other people's comments and attitudes and it's not that I didn't believe them but this is the first time I've seen it!

Happy I'd be very tempted to send her the cunt hat and put her back in her box once and for all .

I do think you need to respond directly to get otherwise she'll have got away with her nast comment.

To her..

Well she responded to my son's message. A bit passive aggressive and blaming my OH for not keeping her informed about how bad things were. She said her comment was meant to be funny. I will accept that. Ds was very diplomatic, balanced reasonable about it all. Told her how we didn't want to worry people. OH has been instructed by son to phone his sister. He's making me very proud of him.

@Happyhippy45 I love your son! He sounds great! Your SIL sounds awful. With any luck she'll leave you and your family alone now.

WRT the crafts - I think it's totally up to you what you do with them!! If you wanna make bits and sell them on for some extra money then that would be hard work but rewarding - however making things just for you sounds great too!! Good luck and enjoy whichever you chose!

Your son rocks Happy
Hope that shuts her up.

patronising fuckology love that am going to have to steal it for future use😁😁

Your sil knows exactly how serious this is, she talks to her dm lots and you tell your mil detail. I think she’s one of those people who doesn’t believe in disabilities.

for your outstanding son. He sounds fantastic.

Your son rocks, your SIL is a twat.

Enjoy your crafting!!

The hat might take a while but maybe I could make a bracelet with the same "logo"

Can Splendid Son knit?

weezil not knitting but awesome origami. He's able bodied and realised it'd be hard to make a living from selling it