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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take offence at shitty comment

151 replies

Happyhippy45 · 25/04/2018 12:51

I posted on Facebook about something I'd bought with my birthday money.
I've been unable to work for over 2 years due to my disability and my days are difficult to fill as I'm more or less housebound. I bought an arts and crafts item to "keep me busy."
My SIL "liked" my post and then commented something along the lines of "very good, get on with it, but isn't it time you went back to work?"
It was followed by some hearts so does that mean there was no malice intended?
Her mum is always asking me if I'm back to work yet.
I'm trying not to get riled about it but I think it was such an insensitive comment. Should I forgive her ignorance or get her told!

OP posts:
sonjadog · 25/04/2018 13:31

Really bitchy comment. I would write something back in the same spirit.

SandAndSea · 25/04/2018 13:31

I agree it seems a pretty nasty thing for her to write, especially in front of others like that. It's always difficult to know how best to reply. If you leave her hanging everyone will see it for what it is. I wouldn't want someone like that on my fb though. It sounds like she's got an issue with you not working (which is none of her business) and she isn't a good friend to you. I wouldn't trust her moving forwards.

kateandme · 25/04/2018 13:32

reply.isnt it time you read up on what it means to be on/have a disability and the stigma bollox attatched to it
p.s also there is a good book called how to be more sensitive .look it up too.we can both leanr something today yay!

AlwaysDancing1234 · 25/04/2018 13:32

I love Mirri suggestion of the hat GrinGrin

Sounds like a really bitchy comment and I’d be very tempted to make an equally bitchy one back... with hearts of course 💕

AlwaysDancing1234 · 25/04/2018 13:33

Or comment on it with just a Hmm

PatchworkWomble · 25/04/2018 13:35

I expect someone has already knitted her one of those hats tbh Grin

Cindie943811A · 25/04/2018 13:37

That’s terrible OP.. As someone disabled with several “invisible “ conditions I know how impatient others can sometimes be when one can’t go about every day life as others can.
It’s almost as if your Sil has a stop watch out thinking. “ surely Happy must over that by now”
I hate that Facebook is semi public and rude comments like that can be seen by others. I have a FB Page but don’t post on it. Instead I use it for catching up with others using the private messaging facility.
Craft work is excellent for lifting one’s mood and keeping the brain active. What sort of crafts do you enjoy?
Good luck

JessieMcJessie · 25/04/2018 13:37

Yeo I’d go for shaming her with “Sadly I’d love to go back to work but it’s simply not possible with my disability”. Keep it factual and dignified but don’t stay silent.

Cindie943811A · 25/04/2018 13:38

Sorry, cross posted. Am a very slow typer

SandAndSea · 25/04/2018 13:41

"Isn't it time you learnt what it's like to live with disability and how to be sensitive to other people's feelings?"

I'd be tempted to write this.

SandAndSea · 25/04/2018 13:43

I think if you don't reply, she might see you as fair game in the future.

fontofnoknowledge · 25/04/2018 13:43

She's your sister-in-law. ? Does that mean she's your brothers wife, or your husbands sister ?
However you are related , does your family member not understand your disability and this has transmitted to them. I would have a word with husband or brother.

beanii · 25/04/2018 13:44

I personally would HAVE to reply - I couldn't leave it! x

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 25/04/2018 13:46

cindie
There's definitely impatience involved. EVERY time I speak to my MIL she asks if I'm managing any work. Obviously they speak to each other and can't figure out between them why I'm making my husband and son do all the work.
I've always been a bit crafty but it's only recently I've had enough energy to start making stuff again.
So far just friendship bracelet things. When the wool arrives the knitting will start.
I want to get my paints out but they live in a box at the back of a cupboard......I keep forgetting to ask my OH to get them for me.

OP posts:
Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 25/04/2018 13:48

That was a nasty comment, and putting a few crappy hearts afterwards doesn't mitigate that at all.

Knit her the hat!

JessieMcJessie · 25/04/2018 13:48

You need to get your OH to have a hard word with both of them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/04/2018 13:49

“I’m disabled and unable to work. Had you forgotten.”

That’s my life too btw. My brother screamed at me that I’m not disabled, has threatened to hit me in a minute and deck me because I can’t do certain things. I feel for you. I’m nc with him and sil btw after not just this, far more. Shit isn’t it when people can’t just believe you? Flowers.

TomRavenscroft · 25/04/2018 13:51

EVERY time I speak to my MIL she asks if I'm managing any work.

'Oh, I'd tell you if I was, MIL, you don't have to keep on asking.' Smile, change of subject.

I quite like the simplicity of 'I’m disabled and unable to work. Had you forgotten.''

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 25/04/2018 13:51

fonto it's my husbands sister.
I could speak to one of my other sister in laws. She gets it. My OH would prob just think I'm over reacting. He doesn't do Facebook, so he's not seen the comment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 25/04/2018 13:54

I'm disabled and unable to work has a certain ring to it Grin

Or "Yes, it's time I went back to work but my body doesn't want to cooperate."

OP posts:
kateandme · 25/04/2018 13:58

"aa from your insensitive comments isn't It time you got that job in the care sector... Hmm "

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 25/04/2018 13:58

I tell my MIL my major accomplishments like, managing to carry a cup of tea across the room all by myself without using my wheeled walker, or driving the car for the first time in 6 months....only for a few minutes though. So she knows the level of my disability.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 25/04/2018 14:00

Tempting surely to remove the pair of them from your social media.

They sound very passive aggressive, and clueless about life with disability.

Failingat40 · 25/04/2018 14:02

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Justsaynonow · 25/04/2018 14:08

I like mummy's or sand's responses.

I have an invisible disability and find some people have no concept.

The worst comment I had was someone telling me, in front of others, how she "envied me" all my free time. She worked part time and took regular expensive vacations. I was so gobsmacked I didn't respond, and have spent years figuring out the perfect snappy comeback to have ready just in case.

My MIL was like your SIL - she figured it was all in my head (it's cardiac). She continually tried to smoke around me despite being told it could trigger angina.

TBF, my DH was recently out of patience with my limitations and I had to point out that it's more difficult living with the disability than living with someone with a disability. And he should be more aware than others. There's a fine line between not telling people about the impact, talking about it so people know how you're feeling, and talking too much and being seen as whining.

Enjoy your crafts :-) I'm away from home for a month visiting my DD1 (with all my meds just in case), so at least there's a perk for me. We need our perks!

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