To take offence at shitty comment

[Happyhippy45]

I posted on Facebook about something I'd bought with my birthday money.
I've been unable to work for over 2 years due to my disability and my days are difficult to fill as I'm more or less housebound. I bought an arts and crafts item to "keep me busy."
My SIL "liked" my post and then commented something along the lines of "very good, get on with it, but isn't it time you went back to work?"
It was followed by some hearts so does that mean there was no malice intended?
Her mum is always asking me if I'm back to work yet.
I'm trying not to get riled about it but I think it was such an insensitive comment. Should I forgive her ignorance or get her told!

You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar...
Maintain the moral high ground. Leave her post there and reply with a thanks or a ?

Id love to go back to work, however I have a disability, has no one told you that? Did you think I was just a stay at home mum lol?

Is what id write back. What a bitch.

I'm in your position, OP. Unable to work, do much housework, wash my hair etc, all due to disability and, yes, the days can be hard to fill. I'm not surprised that you're offended. I don't miss work at all but you might love to go back, if only you could. She was very insensitive and I'd be chuffed to hear you put a reply that made her feel very guilty indeed!

Enjoy your crafting. :-)

Crafting has been my salvation since I had to stop working - I would really recommend the videos at knittinghelp.com

I would probably say something like “yes, I’ve heard there are lots of employers desperate for employees who are housebound x% of the time - I’ll get right on that”

Or my own fallback: “gee, why didn’t I think of that? A job! Brilliant”

I feel it's a shame when people are diagnosed with a medical condition, feel they 'can't work' rather than having a mindset of what they can do.

Yep, that’s exactly what happened! I fought for ten years for a diagnosis then when I got it I thought “oh bloody hell, scrap heap for me - better quit my job!”

Don’t be so dense. What actually happens is that you keep pushing, destroying yourself a bit more each week until you physically can’t function any more.

Many disabled people can work with reasonable adjustments. If your disability affects fatigue or pain levels and you’re badly affected, it’s simply not possible to hold down a job because you can’t be there reliably and consistently. I have friends who are in wheelchairs who can work with almost no difficulty, and friends with diagnoses that aren’t taken seriously who rarely ever leave the house (myself included).

You’re very ignorant of the realities of disabilities.

Tammy Totally agree. I worked against medical advice for nearly ten years. A hospial social worker bowled up in hospital to 'get the ball rolling on your claim. She and several nurses were quite surprised when I said 'Why? I'm going bsck to work in a few months.'
I often wonder if I had stopped when they said I should I might have a better quality of life now.

What I do know is it took me four years, a pyschiatric assessment, a support worker and an appeal to get the level of benefit I now have and to come to some form of acceptance.

The benefits are about one fifth of my previous income. The anti-claimant rhetoric that abounds has been incredibly damaging to my mental health.

But yeah, it's totally a lifestyle choice.

I stopped working seven years ago and I’ve never received a penny in disability benefits. I don’t even see the point in me claiming. My son has a serious condition with demonstrable care needs and he was refused DLA. I can’t go through assessment humiliation and lies. The most debilitating condition I have, I haven’t even seen a consultant because the GP already “diagnosed” me so they refused to see me! It’s all a joke. I worked bloody hard in my career and wouldn’t have stopped if I’d had any other option.

I should really just rise above it but it's winding me up.
I get that people won't understand my condition and how it effects me. I didn't really understand before I became disabled.
I just feel like I have to defend and justify myself all the time.
I don't go on about my illness and I don't post about it on social media.

You can’t win really.

if you “go on about it”, everyone gets sick of hearing it and rolls their eyes as soon as you mention it.

If you never mention it, then you must be fine as people who aren’t disabled can’t comprehend being in constant pain / fatigue and not mentioning it.

Either approach causes issues. I am just matter of fact now as I was sick of pretending I was fine when I wasn’t, and then being treated like a liar if I couldn’t do something.

I think I'd reply "what do you mean 'about time'? I'm confused. I haven't been off having a break or a holiday, I have a disability, as you know." Maybe with hearts, up to you!

MirriVan . Seriously though OP,she's out of order. I've had similar over the last few years,not on Facebook though,actually to my face. I have several conditions which as a result have left me disabled. My condition is getting progressively worse,highly unlikely it will improve,and in all honesty,I would find it extremely difficult to hold down even a part time job due to the extent of my illness. But a couple of years ago,my (now thankfully ex) MIL,who was visiting my DD said to me 'How much longer are you going to take off work then? I think it's about time you started looking for a job,don't you?' I was momentarily lost for words,then I said 'Well if you can find me a job where my employer doesn't mind me taking every other day off sick....' She just rolled her eyes and muttered something about she didn't realise I was 'that bad'. Yes,I really am unfortunately.

"Oh yes, I've been looking. I can't believe there are so many people looking for people that barely manage to carry a cup of tea across the room. Drinks on me at the first paycheck!" And add some hearts and shit.

I usually respond with "Fancy swapping lives for a day? I doubt you would last 5 minutes with my disability"

I had started compiling a big list and describing my disability etc but decided not to post it after I showed my adult son the post. His words were "FFS! That's completely out of order. I'm going to message her."
So he screen shotted her comment and send it with "You do realise my mum has MS don't you?"
He's just made me very proud and it's good to have someone fighting my corner.

...oh and I'm on ESA and the higher rates of PIP...and I can't sit upright without symptoms of a complication from a lumbar puncture on top of alll the wonderful MS symptoms.

but falling was right to say it needs to be considered. Even if it's just making craft bits and bobs to sell.

People really have no idea how absolutely ridiculously pastronising this is.

I don't think it matters how 'able to work' the OP is in this situation. Firstly, it's no one else's business. Secondly, there's no excuse for SIL being so unkind and trying to shame the OP in front of her FB friends.

A genuinely concerned and caring person wouldn't behave like this. It would be easy to speak to or message her or her brother privately. She could have offered to help with her CV or something if she cares so much. She probably doesn't though. I think she probably just wants to have a dig at someone who's already got enough to deal with and whom she probably perceives as unlikely to nip back.

sandandsea yes, I'm very unlikely to nip back. Fortunately my son has just done it for me. He's fuming.

Yanbu. It's none of her businesses, even if you could work it's still none of her business.

Please take MirriVan's suggestions on. Mirrivan (how do I make names bold?!) first laugh in ages, thank you.

fontofnoknowledge .... you need to fuck right off with your patronising bullshit.

Good on your son!