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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have not waited for the green man for the little boy (and Grandma) before crossing the road

157 replies

TwitterQueen1 · 25/04/2018 12:03

Walked into town earlier, waiting on a traffic island to cross the road. Single lane, no cars in sight so I start to cross the road. Grandma says "We're waiting for the little boy to cross the road." gesturing at the pedestrian crossing lights and clearly telling me not to cross but to wait with them. She said it twice - I only realised she was talking to me when she said it more loudly and forcefully. I turned round and said "Jolly good. You wait there then." and walked on.

I don't know how old the boy was - I wasn't paying them any attention. I wasn't close to them - at least 10ft away. There was a Grandma, a mother, a boy, a buggy and I think a Grandad too.

If it was school chucking out time and there was a crowd of children all waiting to cross a road I would have waited. But I'm 58, the boy wouldn't have even seen me. I don't need anyone's permission to cross the road.. WABU?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 25/04/2018 14:25

schnubbins
That’s about the size of it Grin. Gruesome eh!

BustopherJones · 25/04/2018 14:29

In the UK we might not think drivers ought to tech road safety by running kids over, but a woman in the part the other day was railing against the soft surfaces under the climbing frame as she said the concrete that used to be there encouraged kids to learn not to fall. She seemed to think there will be a whole generation of people just flopping down in the middle of the road. I’d assumed that not falling is its own reward but maybe I’m raising snowflakes!

bigmouthstrikesagain · 25/04/2018 14:32

I second the fact that equally important to instructing children the proper use of pedestrian crossings is the teaching that not all drivers obey traffic lights. My ds was knocked down by a van going through a red light at a pedestrian crossing on the first day back to school (after Christmas hols) this year. He was using the Pelican properly and noted the van but judged it was going to stop - it didn't and he got hit and flung up the road. He is ok - but still very nervous about crossing roads and so are his siblings - and me!!

I would have responded to nervous Nanny the same way as youOP - you have to teach children to use their own judgement and not rely on other pedestrian OR DRIVERS - when crossing the road. I thought I did but ds still got hit. Sad Angry

bakingdemon · 25/04/2018 14:32

I cycle to work and I really really wish all pedestrians would only cross when the green man is lit when there's lots of traffic around. Every single sodding day I have a near miss with a pedestrian who thinks they can 'just' nip across, who hasn't looked both ways before stepping into the road or who has their nose in their phone. It's right to try and train kids to cross the road safely and I wish more adults would do the same.

That's not really an answer to OP's question but it's a personal bugbear given I feel endangered by pedestrians every day!

HoneyBadger32 · 25/04/2018 14:32

I always let children press the button...because it's covered in germs spit and gum and i'd rather they touched it than me Grin

dustarr73 · 25/04/2018 15:24

I tell mine to look both ways before stepping out.The amount of cars,vans that fly through he lights is unbelievable.Plus then you have bikes going from the path into the road.Minefield.

PotterGrangerWeasley · 25/04/2018 15:43

My DM loves to tell the story about when I was 3 and saw a man start to cross the road. Apparently I thought the lady near him was his mum so lectured him about how naughty it is to cross the road without holding mummy's hand. He came back, waited for the green man then held her hand until they reached the other side. The lady told my mum she had no idea who he was. Blush

As a driver I appreciate parents teaching their children to cross safely, but they also need to know how to cross when there isn't a traffic light. YANBU.

YearOfYouRemember · 25/04/2018 16:20

If there is a child waiting to cross with an adult and they are old enough to understand the concept of wait at red, go at green I generally do wait for the green man.

Claire90ftm · 25/04/2018 16:43

... the button at the crossing is not a toy. It's a safety precaution. And while your LO may enjoy being the one to press the button, they are not entitled to be the only person allowed to press it. They need to learn that they don't get their own way.

CuppaSarah · 25/04/2018 16:47

Ywnbu! Always taught mine that the green man is for children or people who aren't confident crossing the road and adults are old enough to be able to tell when it's safe without the green man.

Why the hell should others feel obligated to wait if it's clear just because my children are there?!

bigmouthstrikesagain · 25/04/2018 17:39

Umm the green man - pelican crossings - isn't just for children and scardy cats. It is designed to be used to cross a road safely and when there is heavy traffic or if you have a disability or are too old / laden down with shopping etc. to dash across in a brief interval. The crossing will be located at a desirable crossing point, traffic should be slowing on approach to accommodate the pedestrians crossing. It is not just for kids. In many cases the Pelican is calibrated as part of a larger traffic scheme to manage traffic flow.

grasspigeons · 25/04/2018 17:44

they take not crossing the road unless you are allowed to quite seriously in Germany too.

Its quite liberating being in the UK and being able to take a risk!

lottiegarbanzo · 25/04/2018 18:52

Oh Claire90ftm Bad day? Did a small child beat you to the button?

Pengggwn · 25/04/2018 18:54

Can't lie. It annoys me when adults run out into the road when I'm standing there with my small child, trying to teach her how not to die under a bus Grin

But that's my problem. I'd never challenge them in it because they don't owe me anything.

BlurryFace · 25/04/2018 18:55

Wouldn't have tutted, just told DCs you were very silly and could have got badly hurt once you'd left.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 25/04/2018 18:56

I confess i just did it, at the Angel, Islington, there was a flustered mum there pointing at the green man and restraining her little ones...I did feel bad for a moment, with this thread in mind,..but then, you dont want to teach your little ones just to follow everyone else over a crossing without checking do you?

WhiteFreesias · 25/04/2018 18:57

Yanbu love your response.

Jolly good. You wait there then." and walked on. Well played.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 25/04/2018 19:03

And while your LO may enjoy being the one to press the button, they are not entitled to be the only person allowed to press it. They need to learn that they don't get their own way.

Is that the only opportunity you have to say "not now dear" to your darlings?

Come on. Waiting around for a traffic light cycle is a free, relatively quick treat.

Original poster
TwitterQueen1 · 25/04/2018 19:03

Claire clearly you don't have children.... and you're feeling miserable Wink. EVERYTHING is a potential toy / source of fun / learning for children, including buttons. Also, you need 101 strategies for distracting tired / hungry children when they're having to walk.

Fourfried Good point Wink

OP posts:
SunshineAfterRain · 25/04/2018 19:07

YANBU. The adult was rude.

On another note:
I remeber when a lady (who we had never seen before in my life) crossed over the road to the side we where standing on while the red man was up.
My little girl gasped and said "that was so naughty not waiting for the green man"
I was mortified Blush
I apologised to the lady and gave my daughter into trouble for her rudeness. I also explained -when the poor lady was away- we wait for the green man but other don't and that's their choice to take that silly risk.
You can't tell others how to live their life.

BustopherJones · 25/04/2018 19:07

The Transport Museum in Covent Garden has a working pelican crossing. We’ve spent hours pressing the button, crossing the ‘road’ and pressing the other button to go back again...

MichonnesBBF · 25/04/2018 19:30

This reminds me when my son was about 3/4 and we were waiting for the green man, a man came walking up and crossed pretty much without looking and my son made a big and very loud "Eeeeeee mam that man".

The poor man was literally stopped in his tracks half way across the road, he was unable to decide weather to carry on going or come back that it resulted in him doing a funny little dance on the spot

So funny to watch :)

TittyFahLaEtcetera · 26/04/2018 10:36

I love your response to them!

My DS has ASD and when he was little he wasn't a "runner" unless he perceived danger. So we could cross roads at crossings, but if he saw a car approaching, even if the green man was on, he'd start to run.

It was hard work teaching him, and he used to panic and start melting down over other people not following "the rules" and not waiting for the green man. He wouldn't cross unless we were at a crossing. If we were somewhere without one he'd freak out and I'd have to carry him across.

So I went the other way - I deliberately found places to cross without crossings. I stopped waiting for the green man if the road was safe already. I taught him stop look and listen instead of relying on the crossing, because otherwise he would just step out as soon as he saw the green man.

I used to get death glares from other parents waiting, but DS is now safe to cross roads - crossing or not - without freaking out.

And because he has PDA, he would only press the button on his terms. If someone offered him the button to press he'd see it as an instruction and refuse, haha! My kid is such a loveable weirdo.

TheStoic · 26/04/2018 10:41

in fact it is only the UK where people ignore the pedestrian lights

Not really - it’s considered unAustralian to press the button to stop the traffic if it’s not strictly necessary. If you’re an adult, that is...

RockNRollNerd · 26/04/2018 11:28

Do they still have the little poems on crossings in Germany “Um die Kinder Beispiel geben, nicht bevor der Gruene gehen” or something like that I seem to remember? I crossed once when I first lived there before the green man and never dared again after that!