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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have not waited for the green man for the little boy (and Grandma) before crossing the road

157 replies

TwitterQueen1 · 25/04/2018 12:03

Walked into town earlier, waiting on a traffic island to cross the road. Single lane, no cars in sight so I start to cross the road. Grandma says "We're waiting for the little boy to cross the road." gesturing at the pedestrian crossing lights and clearly telling me not to cross but to wait with them. She said it twice - I only realised she was talking to me when she said it more loudly and forcefully. I turned round and said "Jolly good. You wait there then." and walked on.

I don't know how old the boy was - I wasn't paying them any attention. I wasn't close to them - at least 10ft away. There was a Grandma, a mother, a boy, a buggy and I think a Grandad too.

If it was school chucking out time and there was a crowd of children all waiting to cross a road I would have waited. But I'm 58, the boy wouldn't have even seen me. I don't need anyone's permission to cross the road.. WABU?

OP posts:

DiegoMadonna · 25/04/2018 13:09

And there's usually a big gap behind them anyway, so they're just doing it for the virtuous feeling rather than genuine helpfulness

That's a bit unfair! I've slowed/stopped to wave cars or pedestrians ahead of me numerous times (to be nice, I think. I'm pretty sure I don't do it to feel virtuous) only to check my mirrors and realise there are no other cars in sight behind me.

Maybe I just need to pay more attention to my surroundings, but driving is so boring that you just go on auto-pilot sometimes. 'Oh there's someone waiting to cross, better stop and let them go' without really thinking about it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/04/2018 13:11

I used to live in Germany. I occasionally crossed on red. Once an older man absolutely bawled at me for crossing on red. I was alone, no children around. Apparently it’s illegal to do so in Germany and the locals and especially the older generation do like to self appoint as quasi police.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 25/04/2018 13:13

I can see how that happens. Just, don't get offended and start gestulating if they wave you on because they can see it's not safe to cross.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 25/04/2018 13:14

*gesticulating

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 25/04/2018 13:14

My preteens sill argue seriously (as in, in seriousness, not as in badly) over who presses the button in lifts

I'm in germany, where this is taken very, very seriously, plus there is the added thing of some pedestrian crossings being on corners where cars turning right may have a green light, so no guarantee someone won't swing round a corner and hit someone crossing on green without having checked first. So damn right i teach my dc to always make sure for themselves that things are safe, and damn right I will sometimes cross on red if they are. I've witnessed someone being accused of being 'un-German' for doing likewise

DiegoMadonna · 25/04/2018 13:14

Just, don't get offended and start gestulating if they wave you on because they can see it's not safe to cross

Well yeah, the guy in your example was being ridiculous!

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 25/04/2018 13:14

argh, typos.

DragonMummy1418 · 25/04/2018 13:16

I tell my DS that grown ups are allowed to cross the road on my own but children have to wait for the light because they are smaller and can't see cars from far away.
He seems happy with the explanation and happy to wait for the green man. 👍🏻

BustopherJones · 25/04/2018 13:19

You surely have to be wilfully misunderstanding @Lottie to not take her post as a joke.

I usually get this the other way round, where people shout at me for not crossing. Some drivers don’t seem to understand that just because they’ve slowed down, other cars haven’t. But also, why do they do this when there is nothing behind them. I could cross an empty road if they just got in with it.

The other day a man told me I could cross as the road was clear. I said we were waiting for the green man, and he said the road was clear and I said we’re waiting for the green man, and gestures to the toddler. He gave an exasperated sigh and said ‘suit yourself then’. I will try to track him down and introduce him to the OP’s over-zealous-crossing-grandma - they could argue for hours!

Cindie943811A · 25/04/2018 13:22

In Florence I nearly got bowled on a crossing Apparently the rule that traffic can proceed over the half of the crossing not yet occupied by pedestrians means they don’t have to reduce speed either. So anyone dashing across is in danger.
I know someone in the U.K. who was knocked down and brain injured when, aged 7 , she rushed out onto a light controlled crossing as soon as the green man appeared. Unfortunately an approaching car driver had slow reflexes. I always check any approaching traffic is slowing .

Flooffloof · 25/04/2018 13:26

I was once a small child who would have crawled over broken glass to press the button/ring the bell/call the elevator.
So usually I wait for the small child (actually go slow pretending to read my phone) and let the child have the honour.
I have even been know to lift children up to reach the lift buttons cos I said I wanted a top floor. I didn't.
But sometimes I am in a world of my own and don't notice.
There is one situation I can't abide though, when I am asked to tell a child off
With a small child climbing my fence, his sibling said tell him to stop climbing! Uh no.

Katedotness1963 · 25/04/2018 13:28

Personally I'm never in that big of a hurry, so, in front of children, I'd have waited for the green man too. I also wait for the lollypop man to walk out and stop traffic. I think it's good for children to see adults obeying the rules too.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 25/04/2018 13:34

Ooh, I've got another story.

One fine spring day, I was taking small children to school through a new housing estate, approaching a crossing. The developers had set up this crossing with dropped kerbs and white lines, but there weren't any Belisha Beacons, because it wasn't an official zebra crossing.

I saw an oncoming car which wasn't slowing and wasn't going to stop for us as a favour, so I stopped on the pavement to let it go past before we crossed. A man behind me shouted at us for not just crossing because it was "a zebra and they have to stop".

Presumably playing chicken in the road while accompanied by KS1 children is his idea of a fun day out?

The car proceeded past, without stopping, as I'd anticipated. Then the man behind me swithed his attention from me to shout abuse at the car driver for not stopping on a "zebra crossing"!

Didn't say sorry to me though.

schnubbins · 25/04/2018 13:35

Don't ever come and live in Germany. Its a mortal sin to cross the road when the green man isn't blinking even if there is no traffic for miles everyone waits .Do notice here too that many children and adults too place far too much faith in the green man and fail to look if cars are stopping or that they have been seen.They look at the green man rather than the traffic.Scary!

Notso · 25/04/2018 13:35

You should've held the grandma's hand and waited nicely until she said you could cross
Brilliant

I couldn't get excited about the Grandma's comment. She's doing the right thing. I've said similar but aimed at my DC, so they didnt just follow, I guess the other person could assume I was talking to them.

GabsAlot · 25/04/2018 13:36

sometimes i do wait sdometimes i dont

but no i dont look round to see if there is a child there to press the button first got more on my mind than whether or not a kid wil get upset by a bloody button

GabsAlot · 25/04/2018 13:39

jamie u were right they dont have to stop if your at the side of the road -only if youre in the road which isnt a god idea still to play chicken with a car

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 25/04/2018 13:41

You surely have to be wilfully misunderstanding Lottie to not take her post as a joke.

Except that, it wasn’t a joke. It was obvious by the tone of her post (even with the attempt at the end to gloss over the batshitery) and even more so when she came back and clarified that yes, indeed, she has waited out an entire circle of lights to pander to her child rather than allow them to learn that you don’t always get exactly what you want in life.

Hissy · 25/04/2018 13:41

god I really LOATHE the expression 'It takes a village"

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 25/04/2018 13:44

Yeah. Zebra crossing law (if you're even on one, which we weren't!) is a bit... unsafe for pedestrians.

Personally, I don't want to have "my mum had right of way" on my child's gravestone, so I'm not going to step out on to the crossing and force cars to stop.

Fucker.

CuntPuffin · 25/04/2018 13:45

I'm 36, I like pushing the button too! You snooze, you lose little one

Floyd I am 45, and I race my children to get there first.

theymademejoin · 25/04/2018 13:46

in fact it is only the UK where people ignore the pedestrian lights.

We do it in Ireland too.

WickedGoodDoge · 25/04/2018 13:47

Mummyoflittledragon I was just going to post exactly that about Germany! I lived there for a while and the number of older German women, usually with little dogs that looked liked rats, who would shout at me in German if I dared so much as look like I was going to make a runner across the road against the light!!!! I swear it’s sport for them,

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 25/04/2018 13:47

Please tell me you are joking!

onemouseplace · 25/04/2018 13:47

We have one crossing on the way to preschool that nobody ever waits for the green man for, barely any traffic goes in or out of the road, and it takes ages to come round to the green man.

Other than DD(3) - who insists on waiting for the green man - which is very sensible and proper of her. I do find myself apologising to people though about her waiting, especially if they clearly wait out of politeness/ sympathy/ being a good example.

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