AIBU to ask your ‘food rules’ for your DC?

[firstworldproblems2018]

Not a TAAT, but the sleepover one did get me thinking. Do you have any ‘rules’ for food/eating in your house? Are your kids allowed snacks whenever they want for example? Do you have any specific rules around food?

Genuinely curious. I’m aware of the way these type of threads sometimes always go though....

For us, (DC 9 and 5) the only rules are only 1 snack between after school and dinner as otherwise they don’t eat properly at dinner. I’ve started making dinner earlier and this means they eat better. After their main course at dinner they always Have a ‘fruit course’ ie fresh fruit of some kind. They may or may not have pudding after that, but always fruit after their evening meal.

Otherwise I’d say we were fairly relaxed. Both kids healthy weight and very very active. Little one doesn’t really have free access to food but I offer him choices for breakfast and snacks, and he has a treat box where all party bag sweets/choc/Easter/Christmas chocolate etc goes and he can have something from that most days after dinner (and fruit!!) but doesn’t always.

DD has a bit more free rein and is allowed to get snacks herself in the evening when I put her brother to bed but she’s pretty good at self regulating.

You eat until you're full and then you stop. That's it.
I don't make them try foods that they don't want because I know, just by looking, that there are some foods that I definitely will not like.

Oh I see Choklinson that does sound difficult.

I do wonder if some of the overly strict views are setting up children for a lifetime of problems with food!

My mum still has a lot of food she won’t eat because of the childhood bad memories from super strict mealtimes

When my dc are sick the last thing they want is water they need something fizzy I was the same.

sirzy its tiresome.

I love talking to the children at the dinner table. I can’t inagine why I’d ban them from talking.

I don’t have any rules really. I do remind DS2 to sit straight (he sits in the most impractical ways) and to shut his mouth. But that isn’t ‘rules’.

We have table manner rules, just basics, no elbows on table, talking with mouth full, cutting up food, using knife and fork properly etc.
They are each allowed three things they won't try every thing else they have to have a mouthful.
Finish when they are full but unless a reasonable amount of main meal is eaten there isn't any filling up on sugar afterwards.
They can have a snack after school and mid morning if home. There aren't usually crisps, chocolates, squash or fizzy drinks in house. Dentist wants only four portions of sugar a day.
Fruit is always around, sometimes yogurt for pudding.
No food upstairs. Sitting down when eating. Don't take food without checking.
They are the same rules for all of us really.

Eat at the table when asked. Sometimes they have sandwiches etc in the lounge, but no 'messy' food in there.
Wait until your brother/ sister has finished before asking to leave/ asking for more.
No eating upstairs.
Ask for snacks, don't just take them.
They don't have to eat it all, but we keep what's left in case they say they're hungry later.
Chocolate is for Fridays and birthdays. No sweets ever (so far).
They are 4 and 2.

I honestly can't imagine setting all these 'rules'. Some nights we have pudding, mostly not. Some nights we eat at the table, sometimes not. I might allow DD fruit, or I might offer her a biscuit. I might encourage her to eat more, I might not. I couldn't be bothered with all this obsessing!

I have to have different rules for my two.

DS1 isn't an issue, eats what's in front of him, doesn't over-snack, doesn't like too many sweets, hates fizzy drinks. I can basically give him free reign in the kitchen and it's fine.

DS2 will eat sweets and biscuits and snacks in preference to anything else, and then will refuse dinner (which he is also fussy about). The brighter the colouring, the better the food/drink as far as he's concerned. So I have to actually hide food from him, and be very strict about snacking.

On the other hand, DS2 is always first to the table for a meal, whereas DS1 would prefer to eat in his room.

I don't have set days for puddings/sweets though, as I both don't want a culture of pudding entitlement, and I don't want them to be seen as rewards/treats.

No rules af all. Had them growing up and have all kinds of food issues as an adult.

No wonder so many young people have food issues nowadays if such strict rules are being placed on food.

They can eat whatever is in the house, whenever they want, might say no if dinner is half an hour away though. They do have to ask rather than help themselves (they are only 1 and 4)

Menu is take it or leave it. If they don’t eat it that’s their choice completely, I’m not wasting my time begging or asking them to have one more bite. I don’t cook things they don’t like, and touch Wood never had a case of either choosing not to eat what’s on the table because they didn’t like it.

Regardless of what they eat, they still get their ‘afters’ which is natural yoghurt with fruit normally. We don’t do food as a reward so if they choose not to eat any tea they still get their yoghurt.

We sit round the table for dinner every night, no TV, no phones etc.

Plates have to be taken to the sink after dinner, I’m not their slave. 4 year old helps to set the table too (he gets his own knife and fork out).

Final rule, absolutely no food upstairs. It’s my pet hate.

I think not talking at the table is a bit weird to be honest. Even if they do argue.

I definitely think having read all the replies that I’m on the lenient side with Food. I also agree with those that say there has to be a bit of give and take. I did stand firm with DD today about snacks though- she had a mini flapjack bite thing from M&S so it must be ok and a small pack of crisps after school (not what she would normally have) and claimed she was still hungry, but as dinner was going to be in an hour I said have an apple or wait. She chose to wait and ate all her dinner. Previously as I mentioned I’d allowed more snacks after school and dinner wasn’t getting eaten.

Oh and drinks, I am HUGELY lucky in that both my DC refuse any drinks other than water and milk (DD) and water (DS) this is not the MN smugness they genuinely will not drink juice, smoothies or fizzy. They may very very occasionally ask for a hot chocolate.

Also I never have, and will never do the you must finish everything on your plate. Setting them up for a lifetime of overeating IMO. I might say though, that the vegetables and protein will keep you healthy and full, so eat those first if you’re not that hungry.

Those of you who say you have no rules, can I ask what you'd do if you're 5 minutes from serving dinner and your DC wanted a biscuit/packet of crisps/chocolate bar? Would you let them have it?

Main rule is that the next meal doesn't get moved forward in response to whinging (I got sick of the "is it lunchtime yet" five minutes after breakfast).

Have a decent attempt at using cutlery (one child has coordination difficulties - a decent attempt is bloody good going at present).

Try not to spill it all! Gets ridiculous some days and I know it's not something that can be helped but at least try kiddos try. Likewise try not to fall off the dining chair, get your foot stuck in the back of it or any of the other things that can be a feature of mealtimes here ! (We're getting there - slowly - I swear there are days I say "bottom on the seat, legs off the front of the chair" in my sleep)

"I don't like it" = fine, "that's yukky" = not fine.

I'm honestly not fussed about squash (tend to have a jug of basically squash-coloured water made up they can help themselves to if I've remembered to do it - if not they get chilled water from the fridge dispenser quite happily) - we also have issues with constipation and one child on laxatives (not diet related at all - they're amazingly good and wide-ranging eaters) so I'd rather they drank freely than it becoming a battle and both are fine drinking water in school. I have rules about not wandering around the house with a beaker of juice in your hand - you either drink it over by the sink where the juice jug lives, or you go sit at the table with it (see points about spills).

formerbabe

I usually wouldn't, but very occasionally, I might

Not really. Made a conscious decision when the eldest was still only little that food was not going to be a battle. Don't like it? Don't eat it!

I grew up having bloody mince and tatties three times a week because it was cheap and my dad liked it. I hated it, could barely choke it down, and choke it down we had to, there was no complaining you didn't like anything. I hated it so much I no longer eat anything that's got minced beef in it.

I make one alternative. If we're having a pie, which the youngest hates, I make an alternative for him, because he's always hated it and I know he's not being contrary.

The eldest has always been adventurous in what he eats, the youngest was really picky for a while but eats most things now.

We have dessert every night. Last night it was ice cream. Tonight it's yoghurt, tomorrow its watermelon.

We don't have any rules as such but we never have sweet drinks at home (no juice, no soft drinks) and also avoid having junky treats in the cupboard as they are too much of a temptation for me!!!

No electronic devices at the table (99% of meals are eaten there)

No one had to finish anything if they donel. But don't need a snack half an hour later We rarely have desserts but they are allowed them if they haven't finished their meal.

Try one bit of everything on the plate.

When you leave the table don't come back to bother the people still chatting, having seconds etc.

DDs really only drink water with an occasional weak squash or milkshake. Fruit is readily available (they should vary types). They are allowed to 'forage' for snacks, but we don't have crisps/sweets/biscuits, so it tends to be cheese, nuts or vegetables. I'm happy to make sandwiches or scrambled eggs as bigger snacks. They eat non-stop and DD1 is constantly hungry. She's 9 but in 11-12 clothing because of height, not girth. There's another growth spurt going on now.

Occasionally we have a bad-food day (crisps, cake, chocolate etc.) and don't worry about it.

No talking at all?

Seems harsh (or maybe not)

My only rules have been you don’t have to eat everything on the plate (my mother did this to me and I still find it hard to leave food) and you have to at least try things - if you don’t like it then fine, you don’t have to eat it. And to ask if it’s OK to have a biscuit, rather than helping themselves.

Both now teenagers and will eat just about anything (except sprouts, but then I’m with them on that).

What do you all do about other people giving your kids food that you’d rather they didn’t have? I don’t mean at parties or play dates (their house/party their rules IMO) but here it’s common for kids to get offered other people’s snacks after school.

No eating just before dinner and nothing except water after brushing his teeth at night are my only rules. I think a lot of the stricter answers will be from people with young DC, I’ve never met a child over 2 who only drinks water and milk.

You don't have to like everything but you do have to try everything

Once the treats/junk/whatever you want to call it is gone, it's gone. There's no more till I decide to go shopping.

Also started involving ds (3) in the cooking/prep find he's a lot happier to eat it if he thinks he's cooked it