AIBU to ask your ‘food rules’ for your DC?

[firstworldproblems2018]

Not a TAAT, but the sleepover one did get me thinking. Do you have any ‘rules’ for food/eating in your house? Are your kids allowed snacks whenever they want for example? Do you have any specific rules around food?

Genuinely curious. I’m aware of the way these type of threads sometimes always go though....

For us, (DC 9 and 5) the only rules are only 1 snack between after school and dinner as otherwise they don’t eat properly at dinner. I’ve started making dinner earlier and this means they eat better. After their main course at dinner they always Have a ‘fruit course’ ie fresh fruit of some kind. They may or may not have pudding after that, but always fruit after their evening meal.

Otherwise I’d say we were fairly relaxed. Both kids healthy weight and very very active. Little one doesn’t really have free access to food but I offer him choices for breakfast and snacks, and he has a treat box where all party bag sweets/choc/Easter/Christmas chocolate etc goes and he can have something from that most days after dinner (and fruit!!) but doesn’t always.

DD has a bit more free rein and is allowed to get snacks herself in the evening when I put her brother to bed but she’s pretty good at self regulating.

No rules in this house and have a 4yr old and 15 yr old. I was brought up having to eat everything on my plate and would often still be sat at kitchen table on my own til bedtime so maybe that's why I have no rules.

Both kids eat well (the youngest has a better diet but all kids are different), eldest will have a bowl of bran cereal instead of a bag of crisps. Once or twice a week they will eat in front of the tv. But they both have good table manners, can adapt to different situations as we aren't regimented. All life skills.

Our only rule about dietary intake is that drinks in the house are sugar-free, other than a glass of fruit juice at breakfast. I have a mouth full of fillings which unfortunately for my DC I attribute to a constant stream of Ribena in my youth and childhood. I am really lucky in that my DC are a healthy weight and eat a good variety of foods, so my main rules are about table manners:

Everyone sits on their bottom (not kneeling) on a chair at the dining table for the duration of the meal.

Everyone uses cutlery to the best of their ability (no forks wielded in fists)

No-one has to eat anything they don't want, but remarks such as "ewww" "gross" etc are Not Welcome.

I'm pretty easy going. I'm fine for them to help themselves to snacks but if dinner is imminent, then I generally say I'd prefer them to wait until dinner but if they're really hungry they can have some fruit. They are allowed a trip to the sweet shop or ice cream van once a week after school. They have a proper pudding every night. They only drink milk, water and an occasional juice if we're out...no fizzy drinks. Fizzy drinks is the only thing I'm strict about to be honest.

@allthgoodusernamesaretaken - my daughters main course does not reinforce any notion that it is horrible. Her main course is always something she enjoys and I normally ask her what would she like for tea that day so she always has an Input on what I make to a degree. I also do small portions on her plate, so if it’s something I know she likes but doesn’t eat and then still wants pudding the answer is no. I have already said if it’s something I’m unsure my daughter likes she doesn’t have to eat it.

No real rules. Ds has sensory issues so has a limited diet so as long as he eats I’m happy. If he’ll try something new I’m over the moon.
My mum had lots of rules about food when I was a child and I’ve struggled with food for most of my life.

Pudding is a yoghurt or muller rice type thing but we sometimes have a proper pudding on a weekend as a treat. Only water to drink as juice is a treat which they can have once a day or when we’re out.

I have no issue with them saying they don’t like something but try it first. They have to at least made a decent effort with dinner to get pudding.

The main reason I let my children regulate when they feel full and can leave food is because as a child I was forced to clear my plate and eat food I hated. It's so deep grained that as an adult I still feel I need to clear my plate and still detest the food I disliked as a child, Ive also struggled with weight my entire adult life as a result. I would never put my children through that.

DD is 7. Food is provided. If she is hungry she can ask and generally a snack will be provided (unless I am in the process of making a meal). Everyone gets the same dinner (within reason). DD needs to eat what I consider a reasonable amount and a balance of protein, carb and veg. E.g. last night was pre-swimming tea so hot dog in a but with broccoli and carrot sticks. All hot dog was eaten, most of bun and 75% of broccoli and carrot. It looked like a decent dinner to me so I said it was ok. She didn't want dessert as she said she was full.
As it happens she was hungry after swimming so had scrambled egg and baked beans and cake.
Snacks are often substantial (banana, bread product, home made cake, a sausage or so forth) because DD is underweight. Desserts are encouraged for the same reason (yoghurt, bakery goods, banana, etc..).
Sweeties (chocolate, lollies, etc.) are empty sugar so given on a less frequent basis.

Mine are:

No food or drinks upstairs apart from water.
Fruit is freely available but if they want to snack on something like crisps, chocolate, biscuits then they need to ask as otherwise they gorge on it so I need to keep an eye on how much they have.
You can’t say you don’t like something if you haven’t tasted it.
No screens/headphones at the table.

I think that’s about it.

No real rules.
Eat meals at the dining table.
Everything in moderation.
Chocolate/biscuits etc aren't used or referred to as a "treat" (ghastly word). They're just normal food and as such hold no special allure. DC2 would rather eat a punnet of strawberries anyway.
I can't imagine expecting my children to ask before having a biscuit or other snack type food once they've reached school age.

Some of the "rules" mentioned here explain why people go on to have eating disorders or unhealthy relationships with food later on.

Just the dentist's rules which are: nothing bw meals except water, milk, unsweetened tea/coffee or vegetables, cheese and nuts.

They have to ask for snacks but if they want they can have unless it’s stupidly close to a meal. No food apart from at the table because roaches ( live in Asia). Eat it or don’t eat it but don’t insult it. Use cutlery. Don’t talk with your mouth full. Both butt cheeks on the chair.

We're not too strict with food. The only real big no no for us is fizzy drinks.

I try to encourage them to have balance and plenty of variety. Generally, fruit or vegetables are served as part of every meal. I generally make meals I know they'll like and eat. If they don't want to eat it, I won't force them but they won't be offered an alternative. I say if you're too full for dinner, then you're too full for pudding. We generally always have something for afters like yogurts, ice lollies or sweets.

They're both good at self regulating what they eat and as someone who's struggled with my weight for most of my adult life, I want to do as much as I can to encourage that. They are both very active children and will ask for healthier foods such as fruits and vegetables as well as sweets and crisps for snacks. They generally ask for snacks, they only things kept in their reach is the fruit.

No eating upstairs , if they are greedy with the snack foods and eat it all in a couple of days its fruit and yogurt for the rest of the week i dont buy extras

We try to be fairly relaxed with food so that it’s not an issue to try something new or different and listen if DD says she doesn’t like something.

But we do have a snack system.

Box 1 is basically fruit, veggies or nuts.
Box 2 is yoghurts, cheese or crackers etc.
Box 3 is things like homemade flapjack (which is actually just fruit and oats whizzed and baked), breadsticks with homemade Nutella, frozen fruit juice ice lollies etc

Basically we are trying to instil the idea that if she wouldn’t eat an apple then she’s not hungry but grazing. If she’s still hungry after an apple then box 2 becomes available.

I know this wouldn’t work for everyone but once she hit 4 she was constantly asking for food and this system has taught her to regulate better as she’s only allowed to go through the levels once per day. Although level one is freely available (unless it’s nearly a mealtime). She actually very rarely has something from box 3 so I think she has learned to distinguish between being hungry and habitual snacking.

Knife and fork to be used in the correct hand.

I tend to hold a knife in my right hand to cut my food up and then switch my fork to my right hand to eat. Apparently that's the 'American' way to eat.

No screens or phones at the table
No eating in front of the tv other than in exceptional circumstances very occasionally
No snacks without permission (including eating things of their own like easter eggs) and I'm only likely to say yes if we're a good way off the next meal time. They can help themselves to fruit.
It will be on your plate even if you don't eat it and you are encouraged to try it.
We don't typically have pudding unless its at the weekend since they have school meals and so will have had one at school.
Juice only once a day, fizzy drinks only very occasionally.

Weekends are two treats per day. One treat might be a donut, the other a small portion of ice-cream after dinner. Has to have a decent amount of dinner to earn dessert.

Weekdays one treat after dinner, as nursery always includes a proper pud so unnecessary at night-time.

Free rein on fruit and veg. One sweet drink per day, water the rest of the time.

Never have pop, both kids hate it. Sweet drinks are apple or orange juice. They sometimes have a hot choc in winter.

We have basics "rules" (I've never actually called them rules)

No food upstairs
No TV/screens on whilst eating our dinner (it's fine for breakfast, as I tend to dump them in front of their food and tv whilst I get ready for work 🙈)
Main meal is ate at the table together
No animals out whilst eating (kids were secretly feeding)
No fizzy drinks at all (my kids are still young)

Usually at meals I end up tearing my hair out as my DS will go to the toilet 3 times and will claim a meal he ate happily last night week he now hates 😂

I only have DS4, my parents were strict at meal times, eat that or nothing else, eat it all, you're not leaving til it's gone etc so I try to be more laid back with DS. Our 'rules' are;

Water or milk all day apart from with dinner when he can have squash.

NO screens at the table.

DS helps set the table with cutlery and cups/condiments.

I never make him finish his plate, if he's full he's full.

No pudding unless he has had what I would define as a good go at his dinner!

Has to clear his own plate and cutlery away, food scraped in the bin and put in the dishwasher.

Never, ever had rules and that was a deliberate decision on my part.

we have sweets, chocolate, crisps, snacks, home made cake always around. if the children want it they have it.

I am always clear about when mealtimes are and ask, not tell but ask, them not to snack less than an hour before a meal. we rarely have formal puddings - there is fruit, ice cream, cakes if they want it. some weeks they are ravenously hungry and some weeks the cake goes stale and out to the birds. we still have Christmas tree chocolates and easter eggs waiting to be eaten.

nothing is forbidden, or naughty or called a "treat". its just food and its in the house and they eat it if they want to.

none of mine are overweight - 2 are slightly under and the others spot on. I did not want mine to grow up with the kind of relationship to food that I had. where things were called naughty and restricted and you had something as a "treat" to cheer you up or reward you.

only one of them drinks fizzy and only diet drinks and we only have sugar free squash. most of the time its water with ice, tea or occasionally coffee.

Everyone serves themselves from dishes on the table. They have to have one vegetable at least, but it's ok to have lots of carrots instead of carrots and peas if that's what they fancy. It's better to have a second spoonful if still hungry rather than piling it on the plate and wasting it.

With snacks we have a snack box each. I fill them with snacks on a Sunday. A mix of crisps, fruit (because 2 of mine will give themselves upset stomachs if given free rein on a fruit bow), chocolate etc. They can help themselves whenever they want, but it only gets filled on a Sunday so if they scoff it all in one go then it's gone (it happened the first week and was a bloody long week, but they learned). It means that they tend to snack when they are hungry or fancy something rather than one person asking for a biscuit resulting in them all wanting one. They know that if they ruin their dinner then their free control of the snack box will be removed. I find this has made them much more self controlling (DD2 frequently has leftovers on a Sunday whereas before she ate as much as her sister, and I've lost 3 stone as I no longer have every biscuit/crisps with them).

Also if they feel hungry then we tend to have a glass of water first because I realised about 5 years ago that I am terrible for having something to eat without realising that I'm actually thirsty rather than hungry.

During the day they can have water, milk or very weak diluting juice. At dinner they can have whatever they fancy. I tend to have coke, the kids all tend to go for diluting juice. Thankfully they are much better at self regulating than I am, which I hope is because of my 'everything is fine in moderation stance' but it's most likely luck.

I can’t hold my knife and fork in the ‘correct’ hand.

We just have water to drink as that’s all they like.
Leave it if you don’t want it, no exclamations about it.
Breakfast and lunch is at the table, tea after nursery can be while watching telly.
If hungry between meals an apple/banana is offered.

There's a fruit bowl on the kitchen table that's free access, saves me getting asked for snack just because they're bored and they never have more than 2 pieces of fruit per day from it.

We don't have dessert unless it's a special occasion really, but if they're still hungry after dinner they can have a yogurt. And I like them to try everything on their plates, but never force them to finish. They know once they get down from dinner that's it until breakfast. Both are very healthy weights and not very fussy eaters.

There's a snack box in the cupboard they can have something from after school, cereal bars, soreen, crackers, breadsticks, bags of fruit snacks, or an ice lolly/frozen smoothie if its hot.