AIBU to ask your ‘food rules’ for your DC?

[firstworldproblems2018]

Not a TAAT, but the sleepover one did get me thinking. Do you have any ‘rules’ for food/eating in your house? Are your kids allowed snacks whenever they want for example? Do you have any specific rules around food?

Genuinely curious. I’m aware of the way these type of threads sometimes always go though....

For us, (DC 9 and 5) the only rules are only 1 snack between after school and dinner as otherwise they don’t eat properly at dinner. I’ve started making dinner earlier and this means they eat better. After their main course at dinner they always Have a ‘fruit course’ ie fresh fruit of some kind. They may or may not have pudding after that, but always fruit after their evening meal.

Otherwise I’d say we were fairly relaxed. Both kids healthy weight and very very active. Little one doesn’t really have free access to food but I offer him choices for breakfast and snacks, and he has a treat box where all party bag sweets/choc/Easter/Christmas chocolate etc goes and he can have something from that most days after dinner (and fruit!!) but doesn’t always.

DD has a bit more free rein and is allowed to get snacks herself in the evening when I put her brother to bed but she’s pretty good at self regulating.

And we all sit together for dinner at the table every night. No TV (we maybe do once a fortnight sit "down" for dinner with a film on etc.

No sugary drinks unless we're on holiday/eating out when they'll have apple juice. Hot days at theme parks I do let them have sprite/Fanta zero as I feel that's a lesser evil than dehydration and they see it as such a treat they'll actually drink decent amounts.

I also always offer tastes of all my food/drink (even alcohol), they're normally declined but I think it's a healthier way than saying "you can't have this"

it's fine not to like a particular food or meal but absolutely not allowed to say 'that's disgusting ' or other negative overly dramatic comments

I think this is the main rule in my house. It's OK not to like something and leave it, its not OK to go 'YUK' and flick it off the plate yes that's you, DD's classmate

I do also expect DD to try a bit of everything on her plate. I don't give her foods she consistently dislikes (like mushrooms, or lettuce) but I do insist she eats at least a little of what is there. Her tastes change over time and something she disliked on one day she may decide she likes on a different day.

We usually eat at the table, where there is no screens or other toys allowed, but occasionally we do eat in front of the TV

A lot of these it wouldn't really occur to me to call rules.

We only drink water at meals generally but that's not so much a rule there just isn't anything else in the house suitable for children.

A rule I failed at was I was never going to use food as a bribe. I don't ever bribe him to eat healthy food but I do give a chocolate button or jellybean for a poo in the loo! Nothing else worked!

I've thought of one rule i do have for ds1 and that's not to stuff as much food in his mouth as possible so that he chokes and to chew properly. He tries to eat as much as he can all at at once as he hates the feeling of food.

We purposely use screens and toys at the table as I can often sneak more food into them while distracted.

we sometimes have fruit after a meal, however I was always told fruit after a meal is really bad for digestion as fruit digests quickly and it may be stuck sat on other stuff?

Fruit also causes sugar rush just as much as anything else that contains sugar so for us it would be either FRUIT or a pudding not both

I dont believe in making fuss over anything food or meal related, we eat casually in winter cosy TV suppers, in summer we usually eat at the table, my dc have much better table maners than many of their friends who come to visit whose DP I have hear over the years proudly insisting they eat at a table.

Their dc at my house, eat with their bare hands stuff like rice wont eat a trillion things, get up and walk around, although most dc have taken their own plate away - something mine are not so good at . the point being be as strict as you like there will be something your dc does at someone elses house that lets you down.

We have no rules, and I think we are doing well, we had some language students stay with us - from all ovber, my DC seem to have wider tastes than far older teens and better table maners.

we dont inits on anything. I encourage good table maners.

We purposely use screens and toys at the table as I can often sneak more food into them while distracted

Same here mine were always on the go, wouldn't sit still, wouldn't be strapped into any high chair, any sort of seat with restraints, I have spent years chasing with food.

The first rule of food club is that there are no rules

Why would you want to "sneak more food into them"? Children regulate their intake naturally. Making them eat more whilst watching screens seems like a recipe for disaster!

If they don't eat what is given they don't get a pudding, and I will not make anything else.

No leaving the table till after everyone is finished with their dinner, they are not allowed to get up for a drink (they get one before) or leave to use the loo.

*Help yourself to anything from the fruit bowl anytime except for when I'm literally serving the dinner; or chop a carrot up

*Water as a main drink, squash or fizz at the weekend with dinner

*One eve per week is treat time and this might mean a cake, doughnut, sweets or chocolate

*You can leave something once you've tried it but absolutely no dramatics regarding smell/ look/ taste -just politely move on to the rest of your meal

*If you are still hungry after your meal (because you have picked and moaned), have a cup of water, wait half an hour and if you still are, hit the cereal cupboard

Bold fail

they are not allowed to get up for a drink or leave to use the loo

How old are they? Not being allowed to use the loo seems very harsh to me.

Interesting replies. I agree some things aren’t so much ‘rules’ but common sense.

Re fruit then ‘pudding’ because I want them to have fruit and by having it, they then eat less of whatever the ‘pudding’ is (and I say pudding, I mean like 1 or 2 bits of chocolate out of their boxes or a small ice cream and not every day)

MN at it's best and not many parents of teenagers here.
All those children allowed fruit or rice cakes as treats

@Firstworldproblems

7 and 8.

First lots of the mums have made a huge song and dance about fruit first, I personally dont like to drum this into my own dc heads, I prefer more casual approach.

I dont like to serve fruit after every meal as I said I balance it all out as much as a i can be bothered too.

But I never ever understand why so many DP around me have stood angst ridden like their life depended on it - have fruit fruit fruit,,,no fruit first then ten thousand biscuits - fruit first fruit first...it makes such a huge drama out of food and it makes a drama out of the more desired sweet pudding

its like your teaching them the difference, to mine there is no difference, a natural yoghurt pudding with me adding fruit is just as nice a pudding as a sticky toffee laden with cream.

Its like conditioning them that the biscuits the treat not the fruit. mine have never experienced this - fruit is sweet so is choclate they simply like it all and will eat both,.

We have very little in the way of rules when it comes to food. I expect DD to at least try everything on her plate but don’t expect her to eat anything she doesn’t like.

We don’t do pudding.

Snacks are there and everyone can help themselves. DD is not a greedy child and would hardly ever choose chocolate or biscuits anyway so that’s maybe why I’m so relaxed about it. Her favourite snack is popcorn, we have a special rubbery popcorn maker tub thing for the microwave and she likes to make her own from the bag of kernels. She is also very small for her age and can slip towards being underweight at times so I don’t mind her eating if she is hungry. She’s definitely an ‘eat to live’ rather than a ‘live to eat’ type of person.

I do expect her to ask if she’s wanting something from the packed lunch drawer in the fridge (so I can check we still have enough for the next day). I will also tell her no if she’s wanting a snack just before dinner.

BTW when we have pudding here which is several times a week it could be tarte aux pommes, mousse, cheese cake..anything.

when i give snacks - usually its something savoury - crumpets, carrots and cucumber sticks, bread sticks, apple, or crisps.

Mine are both little (5 and 3). They ask for snacks and I’m usually quite generous-it’s typically fruit but after school it may be mini cheddars or cereal bar or homemade scone. I don’t allow more than one of the same thing a day-if they’ve had a banana in the morning, they can’t have another one that day but can have an apple, for example. Mealtimes are usually at the table unless it’s a picnic style dinner which I’ll allow in front of the tv (rare treat!). Try everything on your plate, but I do tend to serve things I know they like, generally they’re not too fussy. They usually have two treats after dinner-an ice pole and a yoghurt/small chocolate. They’re not allowed anything chewy like Haribo and they’re not allowed fizzy drinks. I think that’s it...!

sun I see what you mean, but because we almost never do ‘proper’ puddings, it’s almost like the fruit and the bit of chocolate are the same pudding if that makes sense?! Maybe if we did proper puddings I wouldn’t be doing fruit as well. Also sometimes DC don’t want any fruit or anything from their box after dinner and I definitely don’t make them have fruit if they don’t want anything else after their main course.

Main meal is at the table away from screens. Rarely at home for lunch and breakfast is most often a nutri grain bar and yogurt eaten on the way to school (no shame at all.)
They only drink water or milk except for the odd occasion (such as trips to the cinema) when I’ll allow juice.
They are largely allowed to snack within reason as long as they ask me first. Fruit is unlimited in our house, the more the better.
Sweets/chocolate/cake/pizza are generally a weekend/special occasion thing.

ajas I believe MrsK’s boys have sensory issues and limited diets and so she has to try very hard to get them to eat at all.

Different rules are needed for kids who eat to much crap (or would if left to their own devices) and those who struggle to eat enough in the first place.

No rules here except the day starts with breakfast before anything else (including fruit!) and decent effort must be made with dinner if appropriate.

Not every day requires a sit down dinner with meat and 2 veg here. Sometimes it’s jam on toast if it’s late, DS is knackered and I know anything that takes longer - or he might not voluntarily wolf down - would be to much hassle.

They can snack on fruit whenever they like. However they have learnt that their main meals are most important and they don't eat fruit 5 mins before dinner is ready.

Water all day and one glass of (real) juice with their tea.

If they don't eat a meal (point blank refuse and don't even touch it) then there is no snacks or alternative dishes until the next mealtime. E.g if they refuse breakfast they don't have any snacks and they have to wait for dinner time to have their next meal ect.

They don't eat off other people's plates. Makes me cringe when I see parents feeding their 4 year olds from their plates

Food is eaten (nicely and with good table manners) at the table without screens. There is no grabbing a handful of broccoli and walking round the house nibbling it then returning to the plate for a handful of mash. And definitely no throwing food or deliberately smushing food on the table.

No food or drinks upstairs unless they are ill and they can bring up a bottle of water.

Pudding after tea every night but it's yoghurt and frozen berries or a fruit salad. They can have the pudding if they make a decent effort in eating their tea. I never force them to finish each piece of food (but they do anyway, because they're stereotypical greedy boys that eat anything and everything)

No talking at the dinner table too (the children).

DC aren't allowed to talk at dinner table? . Goodness, why not?

@Saltcrust

They start arguing.

They do anything to get out of sitting down for any length of time. Therefore no getting up from the table to get a drink or to go to the toilet either.