To ask babysitter to stay at home

[user1494667160]

We have a babysitter who helps us as and when is needed.
She is a lovely girl.
The problem I have is that when she babysits in the day she always wants to take the kids out in the car somewhere.
I don’t mind this occasionally but sometimes I want her to stay at home with them. I have a massive garden and loads of toys etc.
An example of this was this weekend. I have 5 kids. I asked if she could babysit the younger two.
She texts me before she gets here saying can I take the kids to the park which is 15 min away.
It means I have to put all the car seat basses and car seat from my car into her car, sort problem out, pack changing bags, make bottles up etc it is a right pain.
I have no problem her going to a park I have round here as she can walk there with the pram.
Anyway I reluctantly said yes to her going out. However my husband text her and said I would rather the kids stayed at home and play in the garden for fresh air.
She texts back saying but it’s such a nice day I want to go out. He said the kids can play in the garden.
She texts back saying but it’s a really nice day and I really want to see my family. So she wants to babysit but also have time with her mum and sisters at the park.
She has recently started to bring her boyfriend with her whenever she babysits.
I don’t want to fall out with her as I have no other babysitter (no parents or friends that help us) so really need her.
However the whole point of someone babysitting is to make our lives easier.
To get the younger two children ready to go out is hard work so when she comes round to babysit in the day ( happens maybe once every two weeks) I would rather she stayed in sometimes.
Am I being unreasonable?

Sorry to laugh op but there are some pompous twats on this thread! It's quite amusing from the outside looking in

"Are you or are you not paying national minimum wage?" .

My answer to your original question is yanbu.

Have you tried Sitters agency? I use them and have used them for daytime ad hoc sitting.

I think the op.and the baby sitter are viewing this differently. OP thinks she is employing someone and should call the shots about what she wants to happen . Babysitter sees it as doing someone a favour while she carries on as usual, with some cash in hand thrown in.

Needs to be talked through, but I suspect it might mean a new babysitter....

Graphista if you read the thread you will see I’ve answered all your questions xx

If you were asking a friend, or your mum/sister/aunt, to look after your DC for a few hours here and there, would you be so insistent that your (rather silly) demands for her to remain in the house were obeyed? Or would you be more reasonable on the grounds that someone you consider your equal (actual family/friend) would tell you to sod off if you started insisting they didn't socialise with other people while looking after your kids.

Renanimated.
Have you read my post?
I said she can go out to the local park which is walking distance. I didn’t say she couldn’t go out all and even if I did ask her just to babysit at home how is that unreasonable?
What has asking family members got to do with it? I am paying the babysitter not asking family as I don’t have any.

If someone asked me to babysit at their home I would quite happily stay in if they wanted me to. I really don’t get the problem.

It is not at all unreasonable to ask her to stay at home. You are paying her.

Reanimated your post is just strange.

Reanimated
Nobody is saying she has to stay in the fecking house! RTFT

And asking a friend to to something is not the same as paying someone to do something specific for you.

She has 13 other days in a fortnight to socialise Op isnt paying her to socialise. She is paying her to look after her kids not gad about.

YANBU but having let your babysitter call the shots in the past you’ll have to be quite firm about implementing the new code.
Have a formal chat with her and tell her how you’d like things to be in the future. Don’t apologise, just say that’s how you’d like it to be. Blame your DH

I am assuming she has another job? Therefore having your dcs is "pocket" money? And having a fulltime job she maynot see her family alot through the week? considering we have lived in misrible weather for what feels like eternity it was a nice weekend its the perfect oppertuniry to socialize and not be cooped up in (someone elses) house!

I understand the concern about the boyfriend ( i would politly ask her not to bring him) and the faff around with car seats -maybe you could ask her to give you a but more notice as it makes you rush? I wouldnt ask her to stop taking dc out though- ( its not like she is taking them to a beer garden and getting sloshed wilst they play in the ball.pool) you might lose what sounds like a decent babysitter (you've already said they are hard to find) i truthfully would be thankful that she is doing something with them rather than giving them sweets /devices to shut them up whist she play on her phone and ignores them.

I was thinking about our experience of babysitters. 2 that we had asked if they could bring their boyfriends round, and we were happy with that. In fact one of the boyfriends ended up babysitting the DC for a couple of days each week during the summer and he was a real hit. Not that I would necessarily endorse a blanket yet policy to friends / boyfriends accompanying the babysitter, but we had had a chance to meet them and were happy with it. We have also had lots of babysitters who bring friends with them.

If anything, I think the driving to another park would bother me more, but I can't really articulate why - perhaps because I wouldn't know their standard of driving etc. Walking to the local park wouldn't be a concern for me.

When we had a nanny I was happy for her to bring DC out and about on trips, but it just feels slightly different for a babysitter. At the end of the day though OP knows her circumstances best, knows the babysitter and her level of responsibility, and presumably has a feel for the boyfriend.

Re-reading the OP, one of the things that stands out is that even when your DH said he wasn't happy with her bringing kids to the further park, she wouldn't take no for an answer, and was focusing on meeting her family. There's being flexible, but that would jar with me.

I'm not sure about the fixation about how much OP pays. I agree with her, no matter what she says, some posters will pile on and say it's too much / too little.

OP I think you need to start putting feelers out to see if you can find anyone else. Always good to have a back up anyway. Do you know any teacher friends? I've always found that a good way of finding responsible late teenagers for babysitting.

OP, what about allowing her to take children out but letting her do all the work, I.e. pack bags, move car seats etc. Just have an honest talk with her and say that it is so much trouble to do all the prep for her taking kids out that either she can stay in or do it herself.

I'm not seeing the problem. Changing over car seats and packing a bag can't take more than 20 minutes, in return for hours of peace with the young ones out of the house so you can get on with whatever you need to get on with. The smart thing to do would be to get the babysitter to make up bottles while you do the car seats (I'd want to do those myself to make sure it was done right).

I was a babysitter (paid below minimum wage, shock!) when I was 14/15. It was for a single mum who couldn't have afforded proper childcare. I didn't do it for the money - it was hardly anything - but because I liked her and the children. When it became an inconvenience to me I stopped it and she could no longer have evenings out.

I wouldn't choose this hill to die on, OP.

Honestly I'd just have words saying you weren't happy with boyfriend coming around and that you wanted your kids minded at home. If that is an issue for her than just move on and find someone new . No biggie.

A babysitter usually looks after asleep children or ours or bed soon after she arrives

You are using services of a nanny

You simply tell her you want her to stay in the house /garden and play

Or go to local park

Not galavant to a park miles away to meet her family

Also tell her no boyfriend round

What area are you in?

Sure there will be local Nannies or someone from sitters who can do the 4hrs you want and listen and take heed of what you want

I disagree that this is just ‘casual’ work, it might be for some but we are talking about taking care of children not picking fruit!
It is never just casual when it comes to childcare, well at least it shouldn’t be!

I don't know if you are from outside the UK ? In the UK, 'casual' in terms of employment, doesn't mean you are half hearted in what you do, it means there is no regular work. My dc are "casual lifeguards" - it means they get asked if they can work "as and when" - maybe if someone else is on holiday, or off sick, etc., there is no guarantee they will be asked to work each week, or on a particular day. It doesn't mean they have a little snooze in the sunshine and don't bother to watch the pool. When they are working, they are just as alert and professional as the 'full time' lifeguards - same as in the scenario in this thread. The babysitter is asked to work on occasions the OP needs some support, as opposed to full time, or regular part time hours, she is still alert and engaged in what she is doing. You are reading the word 'casual' wrongly.