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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask babysitter to stay at home

143 replies

user1494667160 · 23/04/2018 21:57

We have a babysitter who helps us as and when is needed.
She is a lovely girl.
The problem I have is that when she babysits in the day she always wants to take the kids out in the car somewhere.
I don’t mind this occasionally but sometimes I want her to stay at home with them. I have a massive garden and loads of toys etc.
An example of this was this weekend. I have 5 kids. I asked if she could babysit the younger two.
She texts me before she gets here saying can I take the kids to the park which is 15 min away.
It means I have to put all the car seat basses and car seat from my car into her car, sort problem out, pack changing bags, make bottles up etc it is a right pain.
I have no problem her going to a park I have round here as she can walk there with the pram.
Anyway I reluctantly said yes to her going out. However my husband text her and said I would rather the kids stayed at home and play in the garden for fresh air.
She texts back saying but it’s such a nice day I want to go out. He said the kids can play in the garden.
She texts back saying but it’s a really nice day and I really want to see my family. So she wants to babysit but also have time with her mum and sisters at the park.
She has recently started to bring her boyfriend with her whenever she babysits.
I don’t want to fall out with her as I have no other babysitter (no parents or friends that help us) so really need her.
However the whole point of someone babysitting is to make our lives easier.
To get the younger two children ready to go out is hard work so when she comes round to babysit in the day ( happens maybe once every two weeks) I would rather she stayed in sometimes.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
user1494667160 · 23/04/2018 22:19

She is not home all day it’s usually for a maximum of 4 hours. I’ve said she can take the kids to the park that is local (walking distance).

OP posts:
Original poster
user1494667160 · 23/04/2018 22:19

She is not a teenager. She is 22.

OP posts:
MollyDaydream · 23/04/2018 22:20

I don't think it matters if you call it babysitting/nannying/childcare. Presumably she is doing it on a self employed basis?

NotTakenUsername · 23/04/2018 22:21

Op would you share how much you pay her for the job she is doing. I do think it is relevant and if you are worried about replacing her then I wonder if its a case of ‘you get what you pay for’.

TheDowagerCuntess · 23/04/2018 22:22

So babysitting is only evening work? I didn’t realise that.

Only on MN, where people like to be utterly rigid about things.

In life, people have arrangements that work for them, even if they might not quite stack up in a court of law.

cunningartificer · 23/04/2018 22:22

Yes, also I’d be wary about the boyfriend. Without wishing to be paranoid at all, my nanny’s boyfriend turned out to be a highly unsuitable person to be around our children, and when she couldn’t keep to an agreement not to see him at the same time as looking after them we had to stop her looking after them, which was sad for everyone concerned.

TheBigFatMermaid · 23/04/2018 22:22

I think the easy solution is to ask to see her insurance documents that allow her to use her car for work purposes! She won't want to pay extra for that, so won't have them, so she will choose between keeping the arrangement you have without taking your DC out or not looking after your DC any more.

youngnomore · 23/04/2018 22:23

Maybe she’s realised you’re relying on her services so she’s taking the piss a bit ? I would just give her some dos and donts (do stay at home. Don’t bring bf over while sitting )see what she says.

Rachie1973 · 23/04/2018 22:23

I think, to be honest you'd need to suck it up or find a new sitter.

Sorry

TrippingTheVelvet · 23/04/2018 22:25

Who needs who more? There's your answer. If she's doing it for a wee top up of cash and you have no one else, you need to think carefully...

StickThatInYourPipe · 23/04/2018 22:25

TheBigFatMermaid

It's not always more expensive to have business insurance on your car. I needed it ages ago but actually it is cheaper for me to have business and personal use so I kept it even when I didn't need it, I do need it again now and it stopped me having to faff about.

Cockmagic · 23/04/2018 22:26

How much do you pay her?

GimbleInTheWabe · 23/04/2018 22:26

I used to do babysitting work like this in my early 20s: a casual set up where I'd do evenings and sometime daytimes and all very ad hoc. I wouldn't have described it as childcare but as babysitting.

But more to the point- I would never have bought along my boyfriend or spent the time socialising with friends and family whilst looking after the kids. It's a job not a jolly and I'd never expect the parents to bend to my every whim and fancy. I'd also send her packing and get asking other mums if they have a good babysitter they can recommend or ask on your local fb forum if you have one.

NotTakenUsername · 23/04/2018 22:27

My business insurance didn’t add anything to the price either, and the quote is cheaper every year since.

NotTakenUsername · 23/04/2018 22:28

I'd also send her packing and get asking other mums if they have a good babysitter they can recommend

They are like gold dust! If you find one you keep it to yourself!! Wink

AnnieAnoniMouser · 23/04/2018 22:28

Why not let her do what she wants, but she needs to make up the bottles, sort out the changing bags etc. Put your car seats in the hallway & she can put them in her car. As it’s a regular thing I’d get a spare set of car seats (kept at your house).

Someone you trust with your kids & that your kids like is invaluable when you don’t have friends or family near by. You have someone willing to have any combination of them, at the weekend, at short notice...I wouldn’t be rocking that boat.

If DH wants them at home, then maybe HE needs to be the one staying at home looking after them.

category12 · 23/04/2018 22:30

I think if she wants to take them out, surely she should be making up their bottles and bags?

That would probably put her off doing it so much. If you don't trust her to put the car-seats in properly, that would be a problem, but otherwise, I'd just say "fine, car-seats are in the hall-way - stuff for their bags in the kitchen, off you go..."

BackforGood · 23/04/2018 22:30

It really is babysitting if it is a casual, ad hoc arrangement, for 3 or 4 hours every other week.
However, that is not really important. What you need to decide is how much it bothers you, against how much it would bother her if she was more restricted.

If you particularly want her to stay at home, then it is fine for you to enforce that restriction. If you feel uncomfortable that she brings her boyfriend, then again, I think that is a perfectly reasonable thing for you to say to her. She might say 'ok' and all will be well. OTOH, she might be available less often, if that is the time she is going to spend time with him that week (or with her other family members, or whatever). Sometimes arrangements that suited a year or two ago, just run their course, and it might be worth asking around to see if people know of other sitters you could use.

FrangipaniBlue · 23/04/2018 22:31

@AnnieAnoniMouser beat me to it!

If the issue is the time it takes you to get them ready, put that on her. If she wants to take them out she gets them ready.

She'll either realise how much of a task it is and stop or she won't mind, either way win win for you OP?

UrgentExitRequired · 23/04/2018 22:34

Not sure i would feel comfortable with her boyfriend around my kids. She does not sound professional at all. Since you are employing her she ought to play by your rules, not the other way around. If she wants to see her family in the park, then she will need to do this in her own time.

missymayhemsmum · 23/04/2018 22:39

If your kids like her, she looks after them well and you trust her to care for them then you don't want to lose her.
As other posters have said, if you restrict what she can do she may be available less often.

Original poster
user1494667160 · 23/04/2018 22:40

Thanks everyone. I have taken all your advice on board and have a good think about all 😊

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 23/04/2018 22:41

When you call her next time can't you just state expectations I.e. that you need her to stay at the house. Explain from the outset that the babysitting job is for having them at the house .

StickThatInYourPipe · 23/04/2018 22:41

How much do you pay her OP?

ReanimatedSGB · 23/04/2018 22:43

I wonder if OP is paying minimum wage or national insurance for this service. If it's a casual, ad hoc arrangement then I think it's a bit much expecting this level of obedience TBH.

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