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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask babysitter to stay at home

143 replies

user1494667160 · 23/04/2018 21:57

We have a babysitter who helps us as and when is needed.
She is a lovely girl.
The problem I have is that when she babysits in the day she always wants to take the kids out in the car somewhere.
I don’t mind this occasionally but sometimes I want her to stay at home with them. I have a massive garden and loads of toys etc.
An example of this was this weekend. I have 5 kids. I asked if she could babysit the younger two.
She texts me before she gets here saying can I take the kids to the park which is 15 min away.
It means I have to put all the car seat basses and car seat from my car into her car, sort problem out, pack changing bags, make bottles up etc it is a right pain.
I have no problem her going to a park I have round here as she can walk there with the pram.
Anyway I reluctantly said yes to her going out. However my husband text her and said I would rather the kids stayed at home and play in the garden for fresh air.
She texts back saying but it’s such a nice day I want to go out. He said the kids can play in the garden.
She texts back saying but it’s a really nice day and I really want to see my family. So she wants to babysit but also have time with her mum and sisters at the park.
She has recently started to bring her boyfriend with her whenever she babysits.
I don’t want to fall out with her as I have no other babysitter (no parents or friends that help us) so really need her.
However the whole point of someone babysitting is to make our lives easier.
To get the younger two children ready to go out is hard work so when she comes round to babysit in the day ( happens maybe once every two weeks) I would rather she stayed in sometimes.
Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
BedtimeTea · 24/04/2018 05:46

I would say something similar to what KC225 suggested. I would look for another babysitter though, just in case she doesn't work out for much longer.

Graphista · 24/04/2018 05:50

Wow! That would be quite a case of cutting off nose.

As I and other pps have said - good babysitters/childcare are gold dust and VERY hard to replace - paying customers on the other hand - dime a dozen!

NotTakenUsername · 24/04/2018 06:07

Please do not try and suggest I neglect my children.
I didn’t. You have completely misunderstood the context of that comment. I think you might underestimate the value of your babysitter, but I don’t think you are neglectful of your children.
It is very rude and offensive.
I agree, on this thread it would be. But it isn’t what I wrote.
I came on here for advice.
You have been given a quite a mix of advice and points of view, but are disregarding any that doesn’t suit you. Was it advice or validation you required?
You just want to be pedantic and nasty.
No, I don’t.

Justanotherzombie · 24/04/2018 06:13

Oh my goodness. People on mumsnet would pick apart anything!

I suggest you show her how to prep for taking the kids out. She can do the car seats changeover and back, prep a bag, lunch and bottles. It’s not rocket science and means she can take them wherever. I think it’s lovely she’ll take them out and mix with her family. Probably fun for the kids, no?

summerinthecountry · 24/04/2018 06:14

You are paying her to do a job, and she wants to be paid to socialise with her boyfriend and family, this just isn't on!

I would not be happy with someone bringing back their boyfriend (that is a safe guarding risk as you don't know him) and I wouldn't be happy with her meeting her family and friends at the park, is she concentrating on looking after your dc?

On both accounts, it would be a deal breaker for me.

Say no to the boyfriend, due to safeguarding
No to the park or anywhere in the car

If she does not agree you will need to find someone else, or take your dc with you for the outings.

I would listen to your gut on this, if you she is lovely but not listening to you then she is not lovely she is a liability.

octonaught · 24/04/2018 06:19

If she wants to take the children out, perhaps you can ask ker to prepare the bags, car seats etc. Just take the seats out of your cars.
How old are the dc? Can they use booster seats or car seats which fir with a seat belt.
I think you need to let the going to another park or having the boyfriend over thing go

Original poster
user1494667160 · 24/04/2018 06:36

NottakenUsername I have taken people’s advice and thanked them for it.
You just seem to want to pick an argument with me.
I do not want an argument.
I came on here for some advice support. I do not have any family to turn to ( both parents have died) so I thought I would come here.
You are actually making me quite upset with your need to goad and pick at my posts.
Please can you stop as it not helping me and just making feel rubbish.

OP posts:
Original poster
user1494667160 · 24/04/2018 06:37

Thankyou everyone for your advice I will take it all on board. Xxx

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 24/04/2018 06:50

Please can you stop as it not helping me and just making feel rubbish.
Of course I can. That was never my intention.

SilverBirchTree · 24/04/2018 07:03

Hi OP,

I am a former babysitter and now a mum myself. If you like and trust this person then tread carefully making any changes to the arrangement.

In relation to taking them to the park etc:

The people saying she is unprofessional may be right, but you’re not providing her with a profession. Just some casual work.

You require flexibility. It’s a two way street. She might only be happy to work for you because she enjoys flexibility and getting out with the kids.

Your kids, your rules. But be polite and respectful if the new terms tip the scales and turn this casual work into a ‘not worth it’ arrangement for her.

However, I would tell her no more visits from the boyfriend. I never did this when I worked in childcare, so inappropriate.

underneaththeash · 24/04/2018 07:04

If she's working ad hoc irregular hours every 2 weeks then of course she's going to be self-employed.

Just use sitters.co.uk OP. They have daytime sitters as well as evening ones.

summerinthecountry · 24/04/2018 07:08

I disagree that this is just ‘casual’ work, it might be for some but we are talking about taking care of children not picking fruit!
It is never just casual when it comes to childcare, well at least it shouldn’t be!

FriendlyOcelot · 24/04/2018 07:21

Op your experience here illustrates exactly why I would hesitate in ever coming into Mumsnet with a problem these days!

I hope you find the resolution you’re after. Personally I would think quite dimly of an employee arguing with me over something that I’ve made clear I’m not happy about, and if I were your employee I would suck it up and do what you’ve asked for the sake of four hours. It doesn’t matter what her role is; babysitter, child minder, office worker, dental technician, whatever... you okay by the rules.

FriendlyOcelot · 24/04/2018 07:22

Play

TammySwansonTwo · 24/04/2018 07:23

Would you not want her to have the car seats anyway? If anyone were to look after my two I’d want them to have the option in case there was a medical emergency. If they stayed at home would she be making their bottles or do you have to do that anyway?

BeyondThePage · 24/04/2018 07:28

They are not an employee unless you have registered and are paying employers insurance/national insurance.

If it is simply that their services are being paid for - that is different.

rollingonariver · 24/04/2018 07:30

Sorry if someone has already mentioned this (I haven't rtft it seems to have gone into hysterics) but the website childcare.co.uk sometimes advertise babysitters who are happy to babysit just now and then? It might just be in my area but might be worth having a look? 😊

PrimalLass · 24/04/2018 07:48

When I was a teen babysitter I always took my boyfriend. They got two babysitters for the price of one.

MrsCrabbyTree · 24/04/2018 07:53

I am still in contact with the 18 month old I babysat some 45 years later. Took her everywhere with me, only walking though. ( Her mother eventually was the one who taught me to drive as she had far more patience than my father.)

What I am trying to say is that there are young people who enjoy looking after little ones and are happy to take them out and about. I am saying this kindly, can you relax and appreciate that who have someone who is adding to your children's life.

As for the boyfriend, if he has been around for a long time, then it wouldn't bother me, but I would make an effort to get to know him as well. A new BF every month or two then I would put my foot down and say no.

I agree that swapping baby seats from car to car is a pain but would look on it as taking the good (great babysitter) with the bad (inconvenience). Mention to her that changing the seats over is stressful and compromise so it isn't every time she babysits. As you know she enjoys going out, so just be prepared in advance, have the bag packed and bottles ready to go, to eliminate last minute rushing.

SingingMyOwnSpecialSong · 24/04/2018 07:58

I used to babysit through an agency, and they called it babysitting whether it was daytime or evening work. I think some posters are being a bit pedantic. If the work is as hoc then you have no need to employ her.

She may have her car insured for work purposes if she works in childcare. I always have. It is however unprofessional of her to expect to spend time with family while she is working, certainly on a regular basis and without having asked you first. You are paying her to care for your children and she should do so in a way you are comfortable with.

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 24/04/2018 08:05

The texting back and forth when you and your partner had clearly said no would be the end for me.

Find a new babysitter. There's no way I'd let her use the car either. Really odd to me.

Willow2017 · 24/04/2018 08:17

Op has already said she pays her more than what she was getting in nursery graphista so more than nmw. I dont even make nmw for cm 2 kids! And i have expenses to take off that. Op pays her to do a job she sets out what the job is not the bs.

And all this talk of support and qualifications. There are a lot more kids in a nursery why would an experienced child carer need 'support' to look after 2 kids for 4 hours a fortnight?
And a professional child carer wouldnt be taking her boyfriend to work! I doubt he is dbs checked if we are being picky about experience and qualifications and professionalism.

Op isnt saying she cant take them out! There is a park within walking distance. There is no need to faff with car seats to take them somewhere else. Maybe op could do that once in a while but not every time.
Op has said she appreciates her but not all the extra work it is giving her nor the petulant txts when asked to stay home or use local park for once. That is anything but professional behaviour.

OneStepSideways · 24/04/2018 08:28

She's supposed to be making things easier for you and instead she's insisting on going out. I would put my foot down and say you want them to stay home today.

It's irrelevant that she wants to see her family and boyfriend. You're employing her to take care of your children, and play with them, not sit around socialising. I'd be worried that she's taking them out because she doesn't want to be under your watchful eye, that she's chatting or playing with her phone rather than interacting with them.

Jamboree05 · 24/04/2018 08:33

Oh my fucking christ. What's with all the vitriol on this post?!

OP has stated she pays her more than the nursery she used to work at so this is clearly going to be more than NMW.

There are plenty of jobs that pay NMW and you certainly wouldn't expect to be bloody socialising whilst working!!! You do the work you are paid to do in the environment you are paid to do it in.

I would also be very concerned about strangers around my kids. You do not know her family or boyfriend. You do not know their background and you certainly don't know if they are safe to be around your children. This, I think, is a bigger concern than the pay issue fgs!!

What is with Mumsnet and this pedantic attitude towards everyone and everything atm.

OP- I really hope you find a solution.

snewname · 24/04/2018 08:38

Op you aren't being unreasonable at all, however tread carefully or she might not want to do it anyone. Balance up the risks.

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