To ask babysitter to stay at home

[user1494667160]

We have a babysitter who helps us as and when is needed.
She is a lovely girl.
The problem I have is that when she babysits in the day she always wants to take the kids out in the car somewhere.
I don’t mind this occasionally but sometimes I want her to stay at home with them. I have a massive garden and loads of toys etc.
An example of this was this weekend. I have 5 kids. I asked if she could babysit the younger two.
She texts me before she gets here saying can I take the kids to the park which is 15 min away.
It means I have to put all the car seat basses and car seat from my car into her car, sort problem out, pack changing bags, make bottles up etc it is a right pain.
I have no problem her going to a park I have round here as she can walk there with the pram.
Anyway I reluctantly said yes to her going out. However my husband text her and said I would rather the kids stayed at home and play in the garden for fresh air.
She texts back saying but it’s such a nice day I want to go out. He said the kids can play in the garden.
She texts back saying but it’s a really nice day and I really want to see my family. So she wants to babysit but also have time with her mum and sisters at the park.
She has recently started to bring her boyfriend with her whenever she babysits.
I don’t want to fall out with her as I have no other babysitter (no parents or friends that help us) so really need her.
However the whole point of someone babysitting is to make our lives easier.
To get the younger two children ready to go out is hard work so when she comes round to babysit in the day ( happens maybe once every two weeks) I would rather she stayed in sometimes.
Am I being unreasonable?

I’m not going to get into how much I pay her as people will be debating if it’s too much/too little.
I’ve already been jumped on loads about whether she is a babysitter/childminder.
I appreciate everyone’s comments and some advice has been really useful 😊

Why won’t you say what you pay her?

I think you need to try her for a couple of occasions when you don't actually need her IYSWIM?

So text her and ask 'would you be available on this date? Just to let you know, we're not comfortable with you driving the DC elsewhere or others coming to visit, but we're happy if you want to bring the DC to XX park if the weather is good. Let us know if that suits.'

Then you'll have your answer, and not on an occasion when you are desperate.

OP, if I were you I’d tell Mumsnet you pay her at £25 an hour otherwise I suspect you are going to get crucified by posters keen to take swipe😂

So can you confirm that this woman is indeed paid at or above the NMW?

It’s not much then, is it? NMW? Lower/higher?

Or is it that she has all this time in the day because she's on JSA so you just slip her the odd tenner?

I just explained why. People will jump on it if it’s to much/too little.
I just wanted advice on how to handle a delicate situation not a debate on pay/babysitting/childminder.
As I said some people have given me really good advice on how to approach it with her. So I will take that advice. Thanks everyone xx

i bet its not NMW hence using the term babysitter i am guessing £4 - 5 an hour.

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal I did wonder how she is so available for such limited hours.

I just wondered because I had a job like this when I was early 20s. I wouldn't have invited my bf with me but I did take them out a lot. If I had to stay in the house with them I would have gone mad! I was paid well though but never met anyone when out and about (usually took them to national Trust houses tbh)

I’m guessing it’s not too much op if you are worried about being ‘jumped on’.

Yabu.

If she is self employed then nmw is irrelevant.

She’s not bloody self employed though is she. She’s available for one afternoon a fortnight. That’s not a self employed business model.

She’s taking some cash in hand from op every now and then.

Nothing to stop her going to local park.
You are paying her to babysit your kids not swan off visiting relatives or spend time with her bf. Its only once a fortnight surely she can survive without them for 4 hrs?

Next time just say can you please either stay at home and play in house/garden or go to local park i havent time to prepare everything and swap car seats just to put them back in my car again. (And its back breaking i know from being a cm!) Your kids you decide what they do.

Oh and it didnt cost me any more for business insurance in my car either.

Well she's not an employee.

If she were a nanny rather than casual babysitter you might have a point but as it stands she babysits for 4 hours a week? Or every other week? That really isn’t often enough to get het up about her taking the kids to the park. In future just tell her she is welcome to by all means but she needs to sort the car seats and bottles.

The only thing I would be genuinely wary about is the boyfriend. I remember one of our babysitters as a kid bringing her boyfriend round and he was trying to force us to go to bed really early (to get us out of the way...) he was horrible. The NDN’s recognised him and called my mum as he was a known felon. She definitely shouldn’t be bringing her boyfriend around.

NotTakenUsername thanks for your helpful posts.
What she is paid (which is reasonable and more per hour than when she worked at the nursery) is not relevant.
I asked advice on how to deal with the situation. Xx

I wouldn't be happy with her taking 5 children out in the car or her boyfriend coming round. They are your children, so she must respect your wishes. I think you just have to politely stand your ground and be firm.

It doesnt matter what she is paying her! If the petson is happy to do this ad hoc arrangement as a babysitter thats nobody elses business. Its an extra income cash in hand i doubt if she is declaring it!

Thanks Willow. That’s how I feel about the situation.
It’s the whole problem of getting the stuff in the cars, then back out of her car then into my car again.
I don’t mind my children going out for a walk with her locally. Xx

What she is paid (which is reasonable and more per hour than when she worked at the nursery) is not relevant.

Of course it’s relevant.

Chuck her a £5/hour and she’s basically just keeping you from getting charged with neglect for leaving kids unattended.

Pay her a reasonable rate and suddenly she is doing a job where rules and boundaries would be appropriate.

I assume there is no contract as such, this is a very casual arrangement.

Doing a bit of babysitying once a fortnight isnt being self employed nor an emoloyee.
Jeeze did no one ever do babysitting for some extra cash when they were younger?

Say you’d prefer she goes to the closer park but if she wants to drive to the other one Let her go through the faff of sorting the bag bottles and car seats. The boyfriend coming over would be a hard no from me.