To think it’s just so unfair? *MNHQ trigger warning*

[WoodysRoundup]

I’m basically on suspension from work whilst there’s an investigation as I was raped by a colleague and informed the managers.

But I’m on a zero hour contract with no time line of how long this will last, whether we’ll both be let go, or anything. I’m not working so I can’t get paid and I’m so frustrated that I can’t do my job and earn money like I’m the one in the wrong.

I’m sorry everyone I just needed to rant

I really feel for you OP and I think your employers need to be more clear with you. However your employers are not experienced investigators equipped to deal with this kind of allegation. The police need to deal with that side of things, not your employer. They're in a very difficult position but they need to be communicating with you more.

I think to be fair I've repeatedly said it should be reported, I'm not quite sure why your now asking if I'm suggesting it shouldn't be.

I do understand what you're saying. Which I think is if this man is a rapist, then it is better for the police to be aware and have a record of this than not. I agree with this.

However that's not how the process works. You can't just recommend folks make unsubstantiated accusations to get it on file and always plan to withdraw from the process. That's shitty. We have a judicial system for a reason. You can't just make unsubstantiated claims against someone and then run for the hills.

But to tell the OP to go ahead and report and just waste police time and withdraw/not bother to turn up to court is absolutely irresponsible advice.

I never said anything about not bothering to turn up to court, don’t lie.

It’s not a waste of police time to report a crime. Nor is it a waste of police time to feel you don’t have the strength either for the investigation or a court process if it comes to it.

It’s not uncommon for victims of acquaintance rape or da to tell the police that they will not testify if it came to it at the start. The police understand the particular pressures of reporting a friend/partner etc.

The implication that rape should only be reported if the complainant fully intends to go through with the investigation and court case, however traumatic, is highly problematic and will simply lead to it not being reported.

The practical reality of rape reports is that the complainant withdraws in a large number of cases. You may not like it, but that’s how it is.

I think you will need to understand that there are different zones of relationships and that they can overlap, but they are different. This situation is shocking to you on two levels. Not only what happened with your colleague, but also that your relationships with other friends/colleagues are being tested by the situation.

Your 'employer' is not the AM that you went to after you broke away from the situation you were in. Your employer is the company that owns the bar where you work. It's really important you understand that, because you've been fooled into thinking that you work in a "family", but you don't. It's an organisation. With an infrastructure. With rules, and policies, and procedures. Once you are in difficulties, those kick into place and everything else slips away, because it has to. Friends don't get sued. Employers do.

Secondly, if you have all had this very close relationship, that means your colleague you accuse of rape will also have had that. He, also, will be isolated, alone, thinking of nipping and chatting to X about the mess he's now in. So suspension of you both really is a neutral act. You haven't said (and don't have to say!) whether he was completely predatory and should never even have thought you could possibly be interested in her, or whether he had thought you liked him and went too far, not listening to your no.

Your GM isn't being unfriendly. They are doing what they have to do.

If you report a crime it may be taken out of your hands and taken forward for prosecution by the CPS regardless of your feelings.

We’ve been through this before. While that is technically possible, in acquaintance rape, without the complainant there is no case.

That is true of other types of crimes where there is hard evidence that occurred, independent of the complianant.

And to tell a rape victim to go ahead and report but with the deliberate intention of withdrawing prior to court or indeed not turning up to court if called is completely weird advice

If you report to the police you should assume that at it will go to court and you will be called as a witness. Otherwise why are you wasting everyone’s time energy and effort?

Rape survivors are advised to contact Rape Crisis or a SARC, if they do they are under no obligation to report to the police. If they choose to report to the police they are advised that they can withdraw from the process if necessary. Indeed many choose to. It’s not ideal, but that’s the reality.

They may choose to speak to a SOIT officer - which can be done anonymously - who will talk them through the process if they decide to go ahead and report.

is wrong to expect to report a crime with the intention from the outset of not having it taken forward. And that decision ˆmay be taken out of the OP hands if she does report it.^

Many people report rape and da to police and make it clear that they will not testify particularly if it is a friend or relative. It’s up to the police to decide how they want to proceed. Sometimes people can be persuaded. I have been in that position myself.

You are not acknowledging that acquaintance rape differs from other crimes and the case cannot proceed without her.

I understand perfectly well that with sufficient evidence the CPS can chose to prosecute irrespective of a complainant’s wishes.

If this were a case of da in which the OP had been badly injured and there were witnesses, for example, the case could be prosecuted.

If you tell rape survivors that if they should only report to the police if they’re prepared to go to court, and you don’t let them know they can withdraw if they can’t cope with it, they will simply not report.

OP not sure if you're even still reading this, but I'm thinking you probably work in a bar/restaurant I did too at your age and you're right, you work long hours and even more so when everyone else is out socialising, so you become very close to your colleagues and socialise with them at odd times eg Monday nights because you all worked all weekend, or you all go back to someone's after shift for a drink because you're all still wide awake. This must be awful for you to feel shut out when you've not done anything wrong. In my experience HR in these places is often not great, seeking free legal advice isn't a bad idea (women's aid or rape crisis often have drop ins for legal advice) . Please ignore the ridiculous arguments between posters on here, that's not helpful for you right now. I'm also think you haven't handed your notice in, you went to and they realised they'd acted badly, so they haven't accepted it. You didn't want to leave you wanted them to act. The managers clearly don't know how to handle this and are making it feel worse for you. They do have to investigate and they do need to be seen to be holding an unbiased investigation, so that'll be why you can't go in. I really hope there is someone in real life outside of this group (which I know can be all consuming) who you can talk to. Not much advice really other than to hopefully say I understand the situation you're in xx

I'm also think you haven't handed your notice in, you went to and they realised they'd acted badly, so they haven't accepted it.

That’s not how resignation works

I do get it Tartan I understand what you’re saying.

It’s important for a complianant to know they can withdraw even if that’s not ideal for justice. Some people report with full intention of going to court but then decide they can’t cope. Some go the other way and be adamant they will not go to court, but then decide to testify.

I know of a case where a teenager reported rape and told police she would not pursue it. This man had access to other teenagers and it became a safeguarding issue.

I agree TartanScarf and I meant to say that this is where I think lines are blurred. Because of friendships, the OP is thinking they should be giving her time off to recover. But these people are her managers and if they give paid time off in 'sympathy', that implies they accept that the offence took place, which can land them in trouble in terms of their duty of fairness towards their other employee, who has a right to a fair and impartial investigation. That's why the only fair thing to do is to suspend both, then investigate.

I would think that the usual thing would be to suspend on full pay, but obviously they've decided no pay (if it's 0 hours contract, that's where it gets tricky), but if the OP goes to the GP and gets fit note, then she will get SSP.

I'm also think you haven't handed your notice in, you went to and they realised they'd acted badly, so they haven't accepted it

I'm not sure this is the case. I read it she is suspended but also now on her notice period. She isn't to work during her two weeks notice, unless the investigation closes during this time and she is offered hours. After the two weeks her employment is terminated as she has resigned..

So far it reads like she went in Thursday complained and handed her notice in, went in Friday when she wasn't working, got upset, was asked to leave by the gm, and then went back Saturday night, again when not working, and did the same thing again and was asked to leave again. I don't know if that's right though as the posts all conflict.

Either way, she's complained she cannot work with him, she's resigned, she's been asked to leave the premises, and she's been told she's been suspended whilst the investigation is under way so currently is not working her notice period or being given hours. A week on Thursday her employment will terminate as she has resigned.

That was by way of an example tartan that a report to police may be beneficial even if the complainant feels she doesn’t want to go to court.
But as it goes, we’re not to know if he does voluntary work with young people.

Another would be if, for example, the police investigation found other women with similar experiences, one or some of whom were prepared to testify. That may in turn change the mind of the orginal complainant.

From what I can understand, one of the assistant managers attempted to immediately fire him based on her allegation and told her he was fired, but the general manager stepped in and stopped the dismissal. Which is the right course of action of course at this stage, uou cant fire based on someone's accusation and no more.

The accused guy has said they had consensual sex. She is saying it was rape. So right now both are suspended pending an investigation. Again this is the correct course of action.

She had also resigned. Which is something I think she doesn't want, she was trying to force their hand, the issue is she is trying to force them to be arbitrator with no police involvement and they are not in a position to do that and they cannot fire him based on no more than her accusation.

@tittygolightly having worked in this environment it can, I handed my notice in over working conditions that I'd raised before (health and safety I was cheffing at the time) they gave me the letter back and said if we sort it will you stay. I said yes, they did. A colleague threw her buzzer at a manager (he was being an absolute dick) and told him to shove his job and walked off shift. Within ten minutes he was on the phone begging her to come back because they were desperate for staff, she agreed if he stopped saying what he'd been saying. She came back. It happens a lot in that industry. HR processes are rarely followed and a lot is based on good will, due to the high number of zero hour contracts. I worked in bars, restaurants and kitchens from 15 to 21 when I graduated. This happened pretty much every where I worked in two different parts of the country.

The op isn’t a teenager and his version of events maybe quite different to hers.

The OP’s age wasn’t relevant to my point. His version will undoubtedly be very different.

But I have to agree with your point re ‘we believe you’ - it’s not appropriate in the workplace in this scenario. Neither in practice do the police take this perspective, tho they should, which is what happened in the Worboys case.