To not want MIL to refer to herself as "Mummy" around my dc

[tickyticky]

I'm not sure what's gotten into me but this keeps happening and it's really starting to get on my nerves.

I'm very pregnant at the moment and am so up and down emotionally I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable...

Nearly every time we see MIL, which is usually every couple of weeks she refers to herself as Mummy to my dc at least a few times during the visit.

"Give mummy a kiss" "would you like mummy pass that to you" "oops Mummy is in your way". I used to inwardly eye roll but now it just gets me absolutely raging and DD is starting to talk more and more everyday and I'd probably cry if she said "Mummy" to MIL.

Am I being an insecure twat? I know I'm her mummy, she knows I'm mummy, so there should be no issue.
It's just so bizarre for MIL to keep saying it. And DH hasn't called her Mummy since he was about 5.

If it's any consolation, my mother used to call DS 'My baby' until he learnt to talk and said, no,' Im mummy's baby, your my granny' in a very patronising voice (for a 3 year old!) She's being weird. Id pull her up on it- or tell your DH to tell her to pack it in!

You need to have an adult conversation with her about what she would like to be called and that doesn't include "Mummy" It doesn't need to be confrontational, just matter of fact. "MIL, calling yourself 'Mummy' to my children is/will be confusing to them. What would you like to be called instead?"

My mum, in advance of ds (her first grandchild) being born wasn't sure what she wanted to be called. She wasn't sure about Granny (not because she thought she was too young but because her MIL who was still alive , who she'd loved even more than her own mum, was "granny" and she wasn't sure she could fit into her shoes) and debated her own name or Nona (the female variant of Opa, which my dad had decided for his own "grandfather" name, as that's what he'd called his grandfather). In the end, she just went with Granny as my Granny (her MIL) lived on another continent.

It wasn't an issue with my MIL, as ds was her 13th grandchild so she was already used to "Gran".

If your dc are your MIL's first/only grandchildren, this conversation is long overdue.

If she thinks she’s too old to be called Granny just use her actual name. My DC called my DM by her preferred name. Fine by me. Their relationship isn’t altered by what they call her.

Do it the next and every time she says Mummy. If she thinks using her name too familiar ask her what she wants but make it clear that Mummy is not an option, ever! If her choice is unwieldy, shorten it yourself to something you can say. It’ll be mangled beyond recognition by a baby anyway!

You should say 'hahaha do you mean granny?!' When she does it

www.express.co.uk/videos/536159/Prince-Charles-calls-the-Queen-Mummy-on-her-birthday

You should call her 'Mummy' constantly.

Start buying her mugs and key rings with worlds best grandma on them!

It would drive me insane if my mothering law had done this but I would have said something.

My friend became a (somewhat startled) grandmother at 40, she has been Nana ever since.

Why do some women get so weird about this? How can they not understand that they are not that child's mum?!

One of DH's friends saw MIL pushing DS around the trolley in Asda and she was calling herself Mummy. DH thought it was just a slip but his friend said she said it quite a few times and then when they said hello to her she laughed and asked if they'd heard her say mummy and not to mention it to us because what happens with grandma stays with grandma. DH spoke to her and she got upset saying she didn't say that and she wouldn't call herself mummy.

She also once sat there looking through photos with DS and pointed to me and asked who it was. DS said "Mummy" and she said "No silly, I'm Mummy. That's SaveBandit."

I happened to be in the room and she hadn't noticed me come in. I just said "I think GRANDMA is getting a bit confused. I'm Mummy, clever boy. Grandma had already had a turn at being mummy." Mil just laughed. I later got her alone and said that was really hurtful and I wanted to be absolutely clear that she is not to call herself mummy to DS. She had him one afternoon a week at this point and she said that she is doing a mummy's job when he is there. DH then walked in and I asked him to speak to his mummy and explain why it's batshit to refer to herself as mummy to DS.

I booked DS in nursery for an extra afternoon from then onwards and didn't leave him alone for a while with MIL!

I live overseas and, after I visit the UK, I go back home and call my son and daughter by my sibling's names for a couple of weeks. It's like I've reverted to childhood or something. Why does this happen??
I'm not saying this is what your MIL is doing. Don't know, but my kids look at me like I'm nuts!!

"There is only room for one mummy in our little family and that is me".
That ought to do it.

Would 'Gary' work? I mean, if it's good enough for The Queen...

www.countryliving.com/uk/news/news/a1579/prince-william-nickname-for-the-queen/

Ooh that is bizarre behaviour! Mmm like other posters have said correct her every time!

My side Nanna and Pops

DH side Granny and Grandad

That’s seriously weird. Glad your dh is backing you on this one. I would make it very clear there’s only one mummy and it’s weird to try to confuse dd.

My mum bloody loves being called nan. Mil is called grandma. So there’s only one nan. And when the kids are shouting ‘nan! Nan! Nan!’ She knows it’s all for her.

How odd. YANBU

That is so rude and weird! I would say, 'Look, I'm DD's mummy. She doesn't have another mummy. If you prefer, she can call you Sandra' (or whatever her name is). Please stop.'

I dislike being called Grandma, but my (adopted gc's) had already had a "Nanna" so to avoid confusion I am called Grandma (my name).

That is what Ds and DIL decided so I have had to go along with it, and in the long run it doesn't really matter.

(By way of explanation my "Grandma" as a child was a very cold distant woman that I was fightened of.)

I’d be very tempted to offer to take her to the GP as her memory is obviously playing tricks on her...

Posters saying MIL is used to being mummy so forgets and uses mummy in a slip of the tongue. I'm sorry that's rubbish.

I've been some version of mummy or mum for 38 years. I still somehow manage to remember that I'm grandma to my DD's children and she's their mummy. And I've never had that particular slip of the tongue. It's weird.

I'd understand the slip-up once or twice. I've done it with my niece. But not more than that.

My mil refers to herself as mummy with regards to my dh and sil (they call her mum) but has NEVER done it to the dgc.

It is nothing to do with memory and everything to do with control imo.

My niece has multiple grandparents. My mum and dad and BIL has mum, step dad, dad and step mum.

They are called by DN, Meemaw, Seanair (Shena), Granny, Grandad, Papa and Nana respectively.

I love Meemaw myself. Maybe you show pick a name a go with it. Correct MIL as necessary.

It's total nonsense that she's forgetting that she's not the child's mother.

'Mummy' is a relational name; it implies a primary parental relationship. It's not the same as those accidental slip-of-the-tongue moments around proper names, e.g. when you accidentally call your child by your sister's name (my mum is always doing this!).

Think how many times you would genuinely by accident call your husband 'Dad'. That's the equivalent.

Get her this

She knows she’s doing it. Tell her if she doesn’t come up with a suitable name ASAP, you are going to teach the children her name is Grandmother (last name). That should get her arse moving.