To not want MIL to refer to herself as "Mummy" around my dc

[tickyticky]

I'm not sure what's gotten into me but this keeps happening and it's really starting to get on my nerves.

I'm very pregnant at the moment and am so up and down emotionally I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable...

Nearly every time we see MIL, which is usually every couple of weeks she refers to herself as Mummy to my dc at least a few times during the visit.

"Give mummy a kiss" "would you like mummy pass that to you" "oops Mummy is in your way". I used to inwardly eye roll but now it just gets me absolutely raging and DD is starting to talk more and more everyday and I'd probably cry if she said "Mummy" to MIL.

Am I being an insecure twat? I know I'm her mummy, she knows I'm mummy, so there should be no issue.
It's just so bizarre for MIL to keep saying it. And DH hasn't called her Mummy since he was about 5.

All of what IamXX says.
GM as 'mummy'? To quote m'colleagues up at Scotsnet . Get DH to stay on alert for this and he can correct as necessary.

My MIL has started doing this in the last year or so. She's been a grandmother for 7 years now but has only started since I got pregnant with DD. She's a pretty well-balanced, normal sort of person so I don't think it's malicious or needy. She refers to FIL as "Daddy" sometimes too. I'm at least 95% sure it's accidental but it does grate on me, she just doesn't seem to notice that she does it! She doesn't have a DD of her own so I suppose it could be some subconscious regret which just makes me feel bad for her... But also, they're my DC. Mine, all mine!

My MIL was weirdly happy when SILs (her DD) son started calling her "Mamma" instead of Grandma.

I could tell by the look on her face that she saw it as a triumph.

My MIL is lovely but I do think some women get a kick out of this kind of thing.

I decided that I'd question it and said "Don't you mean Grandma?" and MIL said "Oh he IS saying Grandma...that's how he says it!" which was bollocks because he could say it clearly before.

If she has a problem with the name Granny she can use something else. My uncle's partner's mum is the same, she hates Granny/Grandma, so my cousins call her GG (G for granny and Gigi is granny in another language that I can't remember right now).
Oma and Yaya are other options that come from other languages if she finds granny too old.
It's not an excuse to call herself mummy. YANBU. If she objects just start calling her by her first name in front of your DD so she gets the picture - it's Granny/Nana/Gigi/whatever, or just plain Susan. Mummy isn't happening.

These kind of grannies annoy me. My friend's MIL didn't want to be called Grandma...asked to be called Momma.

Young or old...you are a granny and telling your GC to call you mummy or referring to yourself that way will only piss off the mother.

Any grannies reading...please take note.

IamXX haha I'm definitely going to have to start singing that one to DD!

AGnu that's the same with MIL, I'd be shocked if she was intentionally saying it but at the same time when DH called her out on it she just laughed. If I'd said something like that by mistake to my GC and was called out on it, I'd be mortified and apologise. I'd also make sure I never said it again!!

She's not an old grandmother by any means so I get that she doesn't want to be called Granny. But Mummy... no.

She's also watching DD later in the week for the first time on her own and I'm honestly thinking of cancelling it! I'm worried she'll spend the entire time teaching DD "Mummy"!!!

She hates being called "granny", so call her "granny" at every opportunity. Then, when she says something about it, tell her that she needs to come up with an alternative to "mummy" and that it has to be something along the lines of "granny" or "grandma" etc. It is confusing for children to hear her calling herself "mummy" and it's weird that she does that. YANBU

Ah! That rings a bell. My MIL used to do the same thing - and she also used to call DS by his father's name! It was just habit. She was simply falling back into "Mummy mode" when around a baby. We used to tease her about it every time she said it, just a gentle reminder that she was granny now, not mummy. She got used to her new role after a few months.

I am now a grandmother myself and I am embarrassed to admit that I have also done exactly the same thing! It's so easy for the years to fall away and it comes so naturally to say "mummy"! I usually realise my mistake as soon as I have said it though and correct it - sometimes my granddaughter beats me to it and says "you're not mummy, you're granny, silly!"

When I was a young mum, I thought it rather odd that my MIL could make such a mistake. After all, her children were babies such a long time ago. I now realise, of course, that "a long time ago" isn't actually all that long at all - and, to me, it feels like last week that my children were little even though it's over 30 years ago!

This is a boundary and control issue. You need to correct her EVERY time. People saying she doesn’t realise she’s saying it.....yes she does!

I met someone a number of years ago and all the grandfathers in their circle were called 'Papa' rather than any of the usual grandfather names - all English born men.

I thought that was weird but MIL is even weirder. That definitely needs nipping in the bud.

She may not like to be called granny, but that's what she is regardless of how old she is.

Maybe she misses being called Mummy? Or doesn't like the alternatives?

Is she English? In some cultures it's the norm for grandchildren to refer to their grandma as mother.

I can see it must be annoying but is it really worth making an issue of it? I would just tell the kids 'she's daddy's mummy that's why she calls herself mummy' if they ask.

My mums parents were nana and papa to me, and my parents are nana and grandad. Is having a papa a strange thing? Im sure other people had that when i was growing up

Strange op.

Have you asked her what she wants to be called? That’s what I would do. She’s unlikely to say ‘mummy’ when called out on it so get her to choose a name. Gran, nana, grandma and then always use that name to her and to your dd.

My parents are Gran and pop. Dh and I are nanna and grampa to our grandchildren. Just sort her a name out as use it. Correct her if she uses mummy every time.

She does sound irritating

So what if she misses being called mummy? She isn't the child's mother, she's the child's grandmother. Too bad if she doesn't like the alternative words to mummy.

I'd like to be called 'young and beautiful'. Unfortunately that ship has sailed.

What an odd idea that the OP should just suck it up when another woman tells her child she's the mummy.

Timrous no not strange. My in laws were grandad and nanna all had their own title. We didn’t like granny... then a name.

Just one identifying name is fine. As a Cm one of my mindees called their grandad ‘button’ it was his nick name at school so they resurrected it to distinguish between the granddad s smile]

No Op shouldn’t suck it up. It’s stupid and would annoy me intensify. No other woman is mummy to my kids. Even though they are grown up.

No other woman is nanny to my grandchildren either. That would b just me thankyou very much

Timrous. I didn't realise Papa was used generally, I'd never heard it before and given that it's means father in a number of other languages I thought it was a bit confusing to use it as an alternative to grandfather.

I know several young women whose children call them Mama so would assume Papa would be what they might call their own fathers.

'I’d like to be called 'young and beautiful'. Unfortunately that ship has sailed 😂 Ooh me too!

Op this is all very strange. Maybe she’s hoping they’ll call her that (in confusion) and someone might assume she’s young enough to be their mother.

I think I’d have to say look mil this is confusing the dc and me also. If you’re mummy, who am I supposed to be??

*The small children might call their own fathers, I meant to say.

Does she get names wrong? I've got 4 kids plus partners and 6 GC, I frequently go through a list before I hit the right one, Ask your Dad when I mean granddad, where's your brother I mean cousin, come to mummy I mean granny.

It can be odd or it can just one of those things, causes hilarity in my family rather than annoyance. It wouldn't occur to my family that I am doing it for any malicious reason, mind you they are used to it as my mum was the same.

This is really fucking weird. And you need to tell her to stop, kindly but firmly.

Ha, ha! Thought that was the trouble. She is one of these women who can’t believe she is old enough to be a granny. What about Nana! Some people are odd. Why not delight in being a gran, Nan or nana. It’s a special relationship which can be even more enjoyable than parenthood. All the perks and not so many problems.

Can you just say, politely but firmly, you will confuse grandchild by referring to yourself as "mummy" she needs to understand the different relationships within the family, grandparents have a special role as parents of her mummy and daddy. Just counteract her references by immediately reiterating granny or nana. I don't know what happens to some women when they become a grandma, I'm one, but definitely a small proportion turn themselves into the "professional grandparent" and seem to assume they have a very elevated status as such. My message would be "take a back seat you are one step back"

My MIL didn't want to be granny either so she asked that she be called her old nickname from her youth that she hadn't used since.

Tell her it’s confusing dc and ask her what she would like them to call her instead. It’s weird yanbu.