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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not want MIL to refer to herself as "Mummy" around my dc

145 replies

tickyticky · 22/04/2018 22:52

I'm not sure what's gotten into me but this keeps happening and it's really starting to get on my nerves.

I'm very pregnant at the moment and am so up and down emotionally I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable...

Nearly every time we see MIL, which is usually every couple of weeks she refers to herself as Mummy to my dc at least a few times during the visit.

"Give mummy a kiss" "would you like mummy pass that to you" "oops Mummy is in your way". I used to inwardly eye roll but now it just gets me absolutely raging and DD is starting to talk more and more everyday and I'd probably cry if she said "Mummy" to MIL.

Am I being an insecure twat? I know I'm her mummy, she knows I'm mummy, so there should be no issue.
It's just so bizarre for MIL to keep saying it. And DH hasn't called her Mummy since he was about 5.

OP posts:
KC225 · 22/04/2018 23:08

Start talking to your DD about Granny. Granny is coming today. What do you think Granny would like for tea? Show her photographs, oh look there's Granny. Get in first by saying, give Granny a kiss. Sit next to Granny, pass it to Granny etc. She should soon get the message.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 22/04/2018 23:09

YANBU. Weirdo.

My ex MIL used to passively aggressively speak to my kids whilst I was there, crap like 'well mammy should do this and mammy should do that'.

,One night I told her if she wanted to be a mother again to fuck off and have another child, but she wasnt raising mine.

Tell DH to handle it.

LeeLou456 · 22/04/2018 23:10

YANBU. It's just bloody weird and rude your MIL referring to herself like that. My MIL keeps calling my ds 'Grandma's Boy'...I can't stand her most days and it makes me cringe as he bloody well isn't!

Ilovesliz · 22/04/2018 23:11

How about an alternative name like Mopsy? Or GRANDMOTHER?

MyOtherProfile · 22/04/2018 23:11

If she hates the name granny can you both come up with something more acceptable to her? Some of my kids friends have cute nicknames for grandparents rather than the more traditional reminders.

Noopey · 22/04/2018 23:11

YANBU. What world is she living in?!?

When your DD was born did you discuss with all grandparents what they’d like to be known as? If you did then remind her of this. Say you’d like to start using it now as DD is beginning to learn words so you don’t want her to learn the wrong name and get confused. If you didn’t initially get grandparents to choose names ask them all to do it now (for the above reason). If she says “mummy” just laugh. A lot. Stupidly loudly. Then ask her again, starting “no, seriously.....”

What on earth does your partner think about it?

MyOtherProfile · 22/04/2018 23:11

Reminders? Can't even think what word I intended to use there!

Cracklesfire · 22/04/2018 23:12

That’s good your DH is going to say something. It’s hard enough for them without that kind of confusion. When DS started staying overnight at my mums it took him a few hours to make the switch - he’d say “please mummy...” to my mum but she’d always correct him and vice versa when he came home he’d sometimes call me nana the first few times.

Original poster
tickyticky · 22/04/2018 23:13

She has come up with another name she wants to go by which is fine and she can be called whatever she wants by her GC... it's just such a bloody complicated, long winded name (too outing to say) that I think a 7 year old would struggle to remember!!

OP posts:
Vangoghsear · 22/04/2018 23:15

In your position I suggest first asking her to stop doing it, and second see less of her, a lot less if she doesn't cooperate. Otherwise you could find yourself a bit overwhelmed after DC is born.

Audree · 22/04/2018 23:17

I would be very tempted to say: DH, I think your Mummy wants a kiss Grin

TheBigFatMermaid · 22/04/2018 23:21

She can come up with whatever complicated name she likes, you keep repeating it, your DC will say their versions of it and it will stick!

Keep repeating her 'name' louder and more frequently than she could ever call herself 'mummy', sorted!

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 22/04/2018 23:22

How annoying!

I strongly recommend you say something every single time. Think of it like aversion therapy. With humour.

‘Oh silly a Granny, she isn’t mummy is she? I’m your mummy, it’s Granny!’

Again, and again, and again. Your child will join in. Silly Granny!

user1471501171 · 22/04/2018 23:25

She's a bit cracked alright.
Probably best to keep it light or make out she has adequate a mistake eg mummy is not in your way. She is sitting over here. Granny is in your way-haha ha!
Definitely don't let her away with it though.

UpstartCrow · 22/04/2018 23:26

Yanbu. If she hates Granny then what about Nan? Start to refer to her as Nan in front of your DC's when she's not there and it should stick.

RubyFlint · 22/04/2018 23:26

What bananas said

pallisers · 22/04/2018 23:28

"Give mummy a kiss" "would you like mummy pass that to you" "oops Mummy is in your way".

You say loudly:

Its ok love, you kissed me just now
Oh mummy is too far away to pass it but Complicated Granny Name will do it for you
No I'm not in her way

If she says anything say "but I'm Mummy not you. Plus if you are Mummy to your son and his daughter people may report us to social services ha ha"

SweetMoon · 22/04/2018 23:30

This is so weird. You're going to have to pull her up on it every single time I'm afraid.

If she's chosen a really long and complicated name, just shorten it for the dc. So if she wants to be known as for example mrs fussywussynussypants. Just refer to her as fuss fuss Grin

ZX81user · 22/04/2018 23:35

how old is she? Is she getting confused , especially when dh is round and thinking she is mummy to him and forgetting she is granny to your dc?

MrsMozart · 22/04/2018 23:35

Ditto the "Silly 'Ridiculously Long Complicated Name'..." approach.

Gah. Why are people like this?!

Good luck OP.

cakedup · 22/04/2018 23:38

When DS started talking, my mum and I were discussing the name for granny in her native language. Deciding it was too difficult for a child to say, she suggested that DS could call her mum in her native language.

I stopped that one right in it's tracks. I am the mother and that is that.

Aquamarine1029 · 22/04/2018 23:41

Every single time she says that you need to correct her. Every. Single.Time. And if she asks you if you're bothered by it, tell her YES. What a weirdo.

IamXXHearMeRoar · 22/04/2018 23:41

Just teach dc the song "you cannae push yer granny off a bus", get it word perfect and they will join in anytime you start humming it.

Where do you think these songs come from Grin

Might be an idea to visibly get dc in the habit of being food and drink tasters for you now too so she doesn't try to sabotage you when you visit ...

coconutpie · 22/04/2018 23:45

YANBU at all. MIL sounds like a total weirdo. I would correct her every time, that would drive me bananas.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 22/04/2018 23:51

YANBU. You've got to deal with it asap. EIther get your DH to have a word, politely ask her not to confuse your DC by referring to herself as Mummy or pointedly repeat whatever she said replacing Mummy with Granny or Nanna. (Or all three routes.) Don't let it drag on any longer because it's seriously out of order.

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