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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off people constantly asking if I'm pregnant

67 replies

Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 22/04/2018 20:22

I'm getting really annoyed with people constantly asking if I'm pregnant or when I'm going to get pregnant me and my DP have been trying for a couple of months but nothing has happened yet but every little thing that I say or do has people running straight for the pregnant card and it's starting to annoy me if I was pregnant I would tell people but if I say nothing then chances are that I'm not. Why when people know that your trying to they suddenly take so much interest in your reproductive organs just leave me alone it's not going to happen over night and constantly asking won't make it happen any faster.

OP posts:
applesisapple5 · 22/04/2018 20:26

It's really hard, I'm sure it seems like they are, but are they really 'constantly' asking, coz that's really bizarre.
A head tilt and 'I'm baffled you think that's ok to ask anyone' should do the trick.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 22/04/2018 20:31

It feels to me like it's all people ever ask about am I pregnant yet have I tried x y and z app do a test you could be and when it comes back negative oh there's still a chance wait a few more days it's just really getting to me now. I'm having a hard enough time trying to get pregnant without the world and his dog wanting to know the ins and outs of my womb.

OP posts:
applesisapple5 · 22/04/2018 20:37

'Thats a really private question pause well how about that Massive Subject Change'

SachaStark · 22/04/2018 20:40

Why did you tell people?

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 22/04/2018 20:40

Thank you I will try that. I just think if people backed off a bit and left me to it it would be easier I just feel so stressed out with people always asking and wanting to know get the feeling it will only get worse when I do eventually get pregnant.

OP posts:
Susanjeffery1984 · 22/04/2018 20:41

People can be strange creatures! It’s really none of their business... and a pressure you don’t need when TTC! Can you just pretend that you are taking a break from it all to put them off the scent?

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 22/04/2018 20:42

SachaStark I told my mum who has given me some good advice and 1 friend who was also trying but what I didn't bank on was my DP telling 1 person that he works with and it's now spread like wild fire round his work.

OP posts:
lifechangesforever · 22/04/2018 20:44

And that's why you don't tell anyone.

It took us 4 years to get pregnant - people generally asked about us having children from time to time because we've been married nearly 6 years but no one knew we were planning on it.

Unless you need extra support from friends and family then I think it's between you and DH.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 22/04/2018 20:45

People assume that it’s fine to ask because you’ve gone public with the fact that you’re trying. You really shouldn’t have told anyone.

EweDoEwe · 22/04/2018 20:46

Who exactly are these people that are “always asking”? Are they friends, relatives, colleagues, what?

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 22/04/2018 20:47

Thank you SusanJeffery1984 I will try that its just really getting me down right now because its not working and the constant questions just makes me feel even worse about it all. I feel like a fauiler right now and everyone just keeps asking me about it.

lifechangesforever I wish I hadn't said anything to anyone now because its just made things so much harder on me and DP me espiecally because its me that everyone keeps asking.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 22/04/2018 20:48

Use this as a hard lesson learned. Keep your private affairs private. Telling people you are trying to get pregnant is always a mistake. No one needs to know that. They can know when you're actually pregnant.

boomboom1234 · 22/04/2018 20:48

Why not just be honest from now on. Say

I wish i hadn't told anyone as it's making me feel stressed when people ask and would you mind not asking again. If there is something to report I will tell you thanks.

Definitely don't tell anyone else and shut conversations down.

SeriousChutzpah · 22/04/2018 20:49

I think you need better boundaries, OP. When I was very obviously pregnant but with very good reasons for postponing telling anyone at all other than my HoD, including my and DH's parents, until 17 weeks not one single friend or colleague, including people I'm close to, ever so much as hinted at pregnancy, despite me vanishing for unexplained medical appointments, no longer drinking alcohol or caffeine, and audibly getting sick in the loos several times a day. I was really, really grateful for their wordless concern and discretion.

Narnia72 · 22/04/2018 20:49

How about a head tilt and "are you asking me when we last had sex? That's a bit.... personal". Should embarass all but the most determined of nosers!

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 22/04/2018 20:50

I wouldn't mind if they asked once and then left it at that but it feels like every other day I have the same person asking the same question if I said no the other day then the answer still hasn't changed.

EweDoEwe friends and family mostly its hard though when I say the test was negative and I get told to try again in a few days and to me it just feels pointless to keep testing when I already know what the answer will be.

OP posts:
ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 22/04/2018 20:53

it's not going to happen over night

Well, actually, it does. Or over a lunch break or during emmerdale or whatever. You just don’t know which over night or lunch break it will be. For some people it literally is a case of first time lucky. For other it happens after 3 months of trying or 3 years. Your friends or whoever are excited at the thought of you having a baby which you told them you were trying to do. Did you want them to ignore the information? They think you’re happy to discuss it because you told them.

FWIW 2 months is really early days. Don’t be getting stressed.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 22/04/2018 20:55

if I said no the other day then the answer still hasn't changed.

Of course it can change within a few days!!

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 22/04/2018 20:55

And stop telling people when you’re testing!!

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 22/04/2018 20:56

Aquamarine1029 I have certainly learned my lesson and I won't be saying another to anyone about it today was the straw the broke the camals back for me because I had 3 different people all ask the same question and not a one of them was willing to take no for an answer.

Thank you boomboom1234 I will try that it might stop them all from asking when I really can do without all the added stress right now.

your right SeriousChutzpah I think I do need better boundraies or maybe I should just step away from everyone and just let them think what they like until I tell them any different. Congrautlations.

hahaha Narnia72 that I am definetly trying that will stop them all in their tracks.

OP posts:
EweDoEwe · 22/04/2018 20:56

Friends and family.

Ok well if you want your reproductive organs to remain private, then don’t tell anyone what you’re doing with them in future. Tbh I’m always a bit baffled when people tell all and sundry they’re ttc Confused

In the meantime a simple “no I’m not, stop asking me as it’s upsetting me. If I have any news, I’ll tell you when I’m good and ready”.

JustaLittlePrick · 22/04/2018 20:59

YABU.

You announced you were actively ttc. You made it a topic for discussion. You reap what you sow. No point getting shirty with them now.

Just shrug, smile and change the subject. Don't heed the passive aggressive above.

Original poster
Shootfirstaskquestionslater · 22/04/2018 20:59

I wish I was one of those people who could get pregnant so easily but it seems like I'm not. I'm trying not to get stressed I've just got so much going on at the minute and I get that people are excited by the idea but I'm trying to destress myself as much as I can so that it works. I know it will happen eventually it just needs a bit of patience and some time. I have learnt to just keep mouth shut and shut down any conversations when they start because I will tell them all when it happens they just need to be patient and give me a chance.

OP posts:
EweDoEwe · 22/04/2018 21:00

Why are you discussing testing with people? Seriously, the only person who needs to know about you peeing on a stick is your DH.

Stop blabbing your personal business to everyone then whining when they’re asking for updates!

brummiesue · 22/04/2018 21:01

You have only been trying for 2 months! It's a bit early for all this drama Hmm

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