In calling my dd Vagina a "Vagina"

[lilymolly]

DD is 16 months and is noticing body parts and pointing to them and making a noise, at which I will say "arm" "leg" etc. Tonight, she touched her privates and I said "Vagina" dp was a little shocked , and before any one shouts, I KNOW its her Vulva, but dont think that word is acceptable with adults never mind children iyswim.

We where having relate counselling last year for sex issues on my behalf, in other words I dont like it, and we discussed this particular issue, and the counseller told us to call it by its name, which is what we woould do with any other body part, such as her arm ect as already mentioned.

As a rookie mum, will this come back to haunt me in later years?
In other words, when she can talk will she talk about her Vagina, will she say it in inappropriate situations.
i.e my friend dds are 7 and 10 and still call it "mary" and I am pretty sure they would not know what a vagina is, and also pretty sure their mother would be mortified if my little angel came out with it

What do other people call it? Advice please

Thanks Norah.
If only my mum had told me that instead of calling it my front bum I would be so much wiser.
How on earth i manged to have 2 children I don't know!

As a Spanish mum to an English baby girl i find this debate very intersting, even telling of English culture.

It seems so peculiar that in the year 2007 there is no a cute/sweet name for their private parts. I am so socked to the uneasiness from some parents to be open and relaxed with any issues related to sexuality starting on how to name "their bits".

My parents, both Spanish, always called chochete, conillet (little bunny, coliflor (coliflower) etc... At the same time we had books specially aimed to kids strategically laid around the house by my parents where it explained very clearly all the names of the reproductive system, explained all the changes in our bodies, puberty , drawings of different body types...

At the same time we had very clear explanations at school of how our bodies worked etc

So i was never confused between the "real" or biological name to my "bits" and the name we would use at home.

It was quite amusing talking to girlfriends to discover how they called "theirs"

Though technically it is a vulva, I think many women commonly refer to the whole area as their vagina

it is not a lulu OK !!

yes, lilymolly, it's the swedish cars that give me a problem with Vulva, too.

Yes but at least their safety record is second to none

But regardless of what we call it, do you not need to be honest with our dds, so they know what everything is? and how it works, and do you think their is an age at which we should use cute names, and an age at when we start to use anatomical names?

Lily I think it is easiest and most straightforward to use a universally understandable word from the beginning, rather than a family cute word

I also think by not giving the correct word it implies the area is not to be talked about (my MIL actually calls hers her "unmentionables" )

I hate all those twee terms (flower, twinkle etc), but each to their own.

I always called mine front bottom when I was a child and will do that with DDs, however I love the name fanjo - its probably like a secret handshake for mumsnetters - if you hear anyone using the term surely they must be one of us!!

Precisely my concern franny. sounds like we have something in commen

But you can have a cute name and know the biological names and perfectly understand how everything works.

I was never confused and had a very thorough sexual education since a very early age both at school and at home.

Perhaps is a cultural thing!

Still wiping the tears away over beef curtains.

We call it minny but now my eldest is 6 I have told her the proper name.

Guidelines (NSPCC I think - but don't quote me) suggest that you should start with correct terms in the case of sex abuse in young children as if they are abused and they have to give evidence (depending on age/child) it may not stand up in court as well if a child is saying "he touched my flower or mary".

I think it would sound 'wrong' though in a way if my 2.10 year old was saying vagina, anus, penis etc plus there is the issue that most children are not taught to use the correct terminology either.

Great point chocolate

Lily I understand your need for a word. DS is 17mo and loves to play with his willy at bathtime. To whic I comment and say "having a good scratch and playing with your willy". But I can see that it is sooo mucheasier for boys in that respect.

I think it is a good idea to have a name for all parts of the body, but just in the same way that I call a duck, goose, moor hen, gosling etc under the generic term "duck". It is possible to redefine definitions later.

I agree that having a healthy attitude and talking about sex positivly as they are growing up is important. I could not say the word penis out loud until I was in my mid-twenties!!

Have confidence in your choices but be warned that anything you teach your toddler you must be comfortable with them shouting it loudly in the middle of the supermarket!!

Good luck

yeah im with Beef Curtains

Lily yes I think we agree except on what exact word to use

Nappy Vally , great advice thanks

Don't see anything wrong with using the almost-correct terminology for this part of the body (I know vulva would be correct but appreciate that may give rise to some shocked expressions if she repeats it in public).

FWIW my mother had me drawing diagrams of the female reproductive system as soon as I asked the question. And using words like vagina and ovary. Didn't cause me any trauma although it did surprise our childminder!

Is vulva more shocking than vagina? Not trying to be argumentative here, just interested

Is vulva not more specific, whereas vagina relates to the whole area, vulva relates to the little flappy things. I think?

Hello again franny

I think vulva is more shocking as it is not a term used often, and most people are uncomfortable using this word.

No, vagina isn't the whole area! Your vagina is, essentially, the birth canal, the orifice. The vulva is the labia (little and big, clitoris, urethra, entrance to vagina).

I am loving the term 'fur chequebook' though.

My favourite vaginal term is 'wide-on'. As in, the girl-equivalent of a hard-on.

You see I find vulva more of a gentle word whereas vagina does sound quite blunt to me

but obviously we will all have different associations

Vagina refers to the inside passage only, whereas vulva refers to the part you can see, the part little girls are usually talking about when they want to know what it is called. Vulva is the whole outside part, the lips, the clitoris and the part you wee from. I think little girls usually want a name for the weeing part so vulva is a good word for that purpose.

I'd hate it if my daughter called it vulva or vagina - she calls it her doody and that's quite ok for me