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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In calling my dd Vagina a "Vagina"

217 replies

lilymolly · 13/05/2007 20:19

DD is 16 months and is noticing body parts and pointing to them and making a noise, at which I will say "arm" "leg" etc. Tonight, she touched her privates and I said "Vagina" dp was a little shocked , and before any one shouts, I KNOW its her Vulva, but dont think that word is acceptable with adults never mind children iyswim.

We where having relate counselling last year for sex issues on my behalf, in other words I dont like it, and we discussed this particular issue, and the counseller told us to call it by its name, which is what we woould do with any other body part, such as her arm ect as already mentioned.

As a rookie mum, will this come back to haunt me in later years?
In other words, when she can talk will she talk about her Vagina, will she say it in inappropriate situations.
i.e my friend dds are 7 and 10 and still call it "mary" and I am pretty sure they would not know what a vagina is, and also pretty sure their mother would be mortified if my little angel came out with it

What do other people call it? Advice please

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 13/05/2007 20:37

Well I don't really know what to say lilymolly. You know that vagina is not the correct word for that part of the body but you still want to go on using it, so what advice do you think we can give you? What were you hoping for with this thread? You seem to have made your mind up to be honest.

colditz · 13/05/2007 20:37

Well, you are unreasonable in that it is boilogically incorrect, but you can do as you please, you are her mother.

She may be extremely confused in 10 years time, though, when she finds out her vagina isn't what she thought it was.

FrannyandZooey · 13/05/2007 20:40

oh and yes when your dd can talk she will talk about her vagina, if that's what you decide to call it, and yes she will probably talk about it in inappropriate situations. That is what young children tend to do. However no-one was ever harmed by the inappropriate mentioning of a part of the body as far as I know. Although their comments can be embarrassing, it is important that our children have clear and understandable names for important parts of the body.

lulumama · 13/05/2007 20:40

franny ?

i don;t remember what i was taught to call it, suffice to say, as an adult, i know what a vagina is, and a vulva

i don;t think there is a problem calling it a vagina, or a foof or whatever, right now!

FrannyandZooey · 13/05/2007 20:41

What bit are you ing at lulu?

lulumama · 13/05/2007 20:42

By FrannyandZooey on Sun 13-May-07 20:37:37
Well I don't really know what to say lilymolly. You know that vagina is not the correct word for that part of the body but you still want to go on using it, so what advice do you think we can give you? What were you hoping for with this thread? You seem to have made your mind up to be honest.

that bit.....i know that a vagina and a vulva is different, but at an early age, i don;t think it is that important..maybe it is? don;t know

Original poster
lilymolly · 13/05/2007 20:44

Fran, please dont take this the wrong way, I have NOT made up my mind, but to be honest, I only understood what a Vulva was as an adult, perhaps you are right, and I am wrong, but please, dont lecture me. there is another thread started all ready taking the piss out of me, so join that if you want.

OP posts:
lulumama · 13/05/2007 20:46

lily-- i personally would not worry too much about the vulva/ vagina distinction at this early age

and i think it is fab you are thinking ahead, but don;t drive yourself mad with this

FrannyandZooey · 13/05/2007 20:46

Well, would you call your child's nose, an ear?

It isn't particularly important, in the grand scheme of things, but why would you want to do it?

I think it IS important we give our daughters the proper words to describe their bodies so that they can speak clearly about them if they need or want to. Using different words because we feel ashamed sends a strong message to them that we are uncomfortable about these parts of their body.

My word there have been a LOT of these threads lately, haven't there...

Original poster
lilymolly · 13/05/2007 20:46

Perhaps I may add, that I have an underlying issue with sex etc, and DO NOT WANT dd to have have the same problem, perhaps this is why I am being a bit sensitive about this issue. Some people may find it trivial, but believe me, it worries me.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 13/05/2007 20:46

"bits" is the one that sets my teeth on edge, it's so....bitty. Disembodied. Puts me in mind of giblets.

lulumama · 13/05/2007 20:47

i see what you mean franny, but at the end of the day, the vulva and vagina are part of the same thing really, so maybe vagina is ok at a generic name, IFYSWIM

have not got involved in one of these threads before

FrannyandZooey · 13/05/2007 20:47

I am not intending to lecture you lily, but you asked for opinions, then didn't seem too happy with them. It seemed like you were pretty clear on what you wanted to do, and just wanted people to agree.

Which is fair enough, but not usually what you will get around here on the AIBU section...

LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 13/05/2007 20:48

hmm i htink the thing to teach your kids is the names btu also that you dont need to talk abotu them in front of other folk
that htye are private privates!

AitchTwoOh · 13/05/2007 20:48

i too find the word vulva a bit gruey so won't be using it. i'll probably just say bottom, tbh, front and back.

lulumama · 13/05/2007 20:49

lily- if you are open with your daughter about sex as she grows up, that will be a benefit, but worrying about vagina/vulva names at this early age is not necessary...it will be a long time before she knows that her girl parts are sexual organs too, so don;t drive yourself mad

FrannyandZooey · 13/05/2007 20:50

Lily I agree that you are doing the right thing in being concerned about it and wanting to sort out your feelings about it. Discussion on this subject does tend to get quite robust so you may wish to mentally toughen up for the duration of this thread...

Erm, I wonder if you would feel comfortable if you tried out saying it in private. I know it sounds ridiculous but I also felt shy about using the word vulva so I went and practised a bit by myself

batters · 13/05/2007 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 13/05/2007 20:50

rofl

Original poster
lilymolly · 13/05/2007 20:50

Thanks lulu mama, that is really good advice.

OP posts:
MaloryTowers · 13/05/2007 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeviousDaffodil · 13/05/2007 20:51

Stupid question - what is the difference btn a vulva and a vagina?
thought thye were one and the same.

lulumama · 13/05/2007 20:51

no worries lilly, parenting can be a minefield, but this is not something to get worried about this minute!

Greensleeves · 13/05/2007 20:52

fish mitten

Original poster
lilymolly · 13/05/2007 20:52

I cant get Vulva 440 out of my head!!
I cant beleive this topic is so heated
I also did not know that their had been other threads on this topic recently, so apologies.

OP posts: