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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my MIL to join us on holiday

460 replies

sunseasandfun · 20/04/2018 22:57

i think I know I'm being a bit of a selfish bitch but here goes...
so we have a family holiday booked for myself my DH and our DC, it's our first holiday in almost 3 years, we are not well off and have saved for this week long holiday in the sun.
My in laws on the other hand, well off go abroad 2 or 3 times a year, not very old,
have lots of family around them.
So we told my MIL that we are going away and she has decided that she may want to come with us although she will be staying with a relative who lives in a small village near to our destination,so not joining us at the hotel, the problem is that she's already tried to get us to change our plans so that nearly everyday that we are away we will be joining her and the relative instead.
All myself and my DC want to do is go to he beach everyday and play and relax and go to waterparks etc..
My inlaws are very controlling people and I know she will be ringing everyday to ask us to come to where she is staying. She doesn't like to eat out, doesn't see the point in sitting on a beach, she hates when I wear clothes that show any skin (terrified of damage to skin from sun and also thinks I dress inappropriatly) so I'll have to cover up in the heat to make her shut up.
Am I being a bitch for wanting my DH to politely tell her not to come?
I just want it to be me and family doing what we want eating what we want and wearing what we want.
we've been on holiday with her before and I couldn't even decide what time to wake up! she had to tell us what was too late or too early!
I just don't want her there but how would I tell her this?

OP posts:
Oldbutstillgotit · 21/04/2018 15:59

Are you going within the next few days or is there still time for her to gate crash?

Original poster
sunseasandfun · 21/04/2018 16:05

unfortunetly there's still time for her to gatecrash.
i know she knows we don't want her to join us but she may still decide to come anyway.

OP posts:
happypoobum · 21/04/2018 16:05

Well that is hopefully that disaster averted but you can't really go on like this can you?

BarefootMe · 21/04/2018 16:17

Why don't you just spell it out - "We know you wanted to come on holiday, but this time we need to be on our own with the kids. Why don't we meet up when we are home, and go for a day out together?".
And DON'T tell her precisely where you are going. If necessary change the booking. This sort of lack of boundaries is intolerable.

rookiemere · 21/04/2018 16:46

I wouldn't make any assumptions that she's not coming OP otherwise you're very likely to be disappointed.

Either you or your DH need to state clearly and directly that you wish to have your family holiday alone, or really at this point you've only got yourself to blame if she does appear.

Oldbutstillgotit · 21/04/2018 16:51

I am not trying to be rude but it sounds to me from your last post that you are accepting that MIL might still turn up. As others have said, you really need to nip this in the bud so that you can enjoy the build up to your deserved holiday.

ItsNachoCheese · 21/04/2018 16:55

No is a complete sentence

BonnieF · 21/04/2018 16:56

I’m all for keeping the peace most of the time, but there are exceptions and in OPs position, this would be one of them.

Sometimes arguments are not just unavoidable, but are absolutely necessary in establishing boundaries and enforcing limits on other people’s behaviour when they are clearly out of order. It seems to me that this is one of those cases.

Time to put on the big girl pants, OP.

rebeccabecca · 21/04/2018 17:10

This story is on The Sun online, just FYI op.

SchoolMoney · 21/04/2018 17:55

@FlutteringKites I lost my Saturday to that rabbit hole....holy FUCK!

Highhorse1981 · 21/04/2018 17:57

Oh ItsNachoCheese you didn’t just make that comment!

CuriousMama · 21/04/2018 17:57

Lazy Sun

Juells · 21/04/2018 19:17

Ohmigod I just read all those reddit posts and links. What is it about MiLs and rooms with connecting doors? It isn't enough that they've fucked your holiday by attaching themselves, they have be on top of you as well. This is exactly what my PiL did when my eldest was a baby. It's creepy.

OpheliaStorm · 21/04/2018 19:33

I hope everything works out for you OP and you enjoy your holiday MIL free in the end.

I have often wondered why people act like this. I could not imagine for a minute that I would encroach on anyone's planned day out/holiday or whatever, it just would not occur to me at all.

There must be some control or other element involved for sure. But anyway, as I said, I hope it works out for OP.

A bit of assertiveness and a kick up the eighties to DH is required PDQ though!

LannieDuck · 21/04/2018 19:34

Wow, that link that's been posted by PPs is an amazing thread! Shock

Original poster
sunseasandfun · 21/04/2018 19:37

well fuck the sun and the dailymail.

OP posts:
Original poster
sunseasandfun · 21/04/2018 19:39

That's all I need.Angry

That link to babycentre amazing I've only just finished reading it.

OP posts:
kissthealderman · 21/04/2018 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BewareOfDragons · 21/04/2018 20:26

You know what, though, OP? If your MIL sees this online and recognizes
herself, problem may be solved! She can't be outraged ... you've told it how it is.

BerylStreep · 21/04/2018 20:31

I suppose it could be worse. My Sis' MIL went on every family holiday with her & her DH for 20 years. 20 years! And her MIL undermines and sneers at her at every opportunity. I honestly don't know how she never cracked. I'm planning on putting her forward for sainthood.

ADishBestEatenCold · 21/04/2018 20:52

"I've just got back from their home and there was no mention of her going"

She's not going to raise the subject, thus giving you the opportunity to say 'no'. She's simply going to pretend to know nothing, carry on making her plans, and present you with fait accompli!

Two can play that game.

Tell her (face to face, if you're brave enough, otherwise send her a note/text) that you hope she wasn't too upset when your DH told her that you and he wanted to holiday with your children alone, on this occasion.
Tell her that you're glad she doesn't mind going to the relative at separate time, and suggest that ... to give her some time with her son and grandchildren ... she takes your DH and children away for a weekend with just them, later in the year.

That should cover it!

Hadalifeonce · 21/04/2018 21:03

My sister never tells my mother she is going away, and I usually only tell her just before I leave................. I suggest following this rule in future.

mickeysminnie · 21/04/2018 21:09

I would follow ADishBestEatenCold's advice. Be proactive. Assuming she will do as you ask will bw your downfall.

Motoko · 21/04/2018 21:29

She doesn't read Mumsnet, or those two rags does she? That could account for the mood and trying to put you off the holiday.

GreenTulips · 21/04/2018 21:32

She doesn't read Mumsnet, or those two rags does she? That could account for the mood and trying to put you off the holiday

Either that or as everyone has pretty much said the same thing - maybe she's got the message

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