My husband snores so badly that I'm starting to resent him

[Tailfeather]

I have been with my husband for 16 years - married for 9 and had a baby last year. He's always been a bad snorer. And I mean REALLY bad. He's kept a whole housefly lid people awake before. It's always been an issue, but since we've had our son it's even worse and I'm beginning to resent him and it worries me as I love him so much and don't want this to tear us apart, but it is really grinding me down. I used to feel knackered from lack of sleep, but now I am utterly exhausted. My husband actually keeps me up more than the baby. He then gets up at 6 and wakes me up as he gets ready for work. I used to be able to doze a bit, but as he wakes the baby too, I'm up then as well.

He is really apologetic, but I don't think he really understands what it is like to be kept awake night after night when you are SO tired.

I need to function during the day. I run my own business and have a baby to look after. I need to be on form.

I have strong earplugs and he has a custom made gum guard which helps, but I'm still woken up.I also spend most nights in the spare room, but I don't think that's good for our relationship either.

Anyone else in the same (noisy) boat?

waves a supportive banner while wearing the same t shirt

My NDN's DH had a little op to stop him snoring. It worked, but I don't know what they did.
Short term can you get ear plugs!

@travailtotravel 😭😭😭 It's bloody awful isn't it?

Why are you in the spare room? As long as he is happy and comfy he won't do much about this.Keep a diary of times, record him snoring, get him one of those fit trackers that records sleep. Show him. And tell him what you've said here. You love him but something has to change....

Is he really overweight? Has he been to the gp to discuss it? If he hasn't, then he must do it. It really isn't fair on you.

The spare room is great for a relationship!!! there's nothing better than a full night of undisturbed sleep 😴 😴

DP's snoring never bothered me until we had a baby. Now I'm either so tired I don't even hear it, or so exhausted I struggle to fall asleep and it keeps me awake. When the situation is the latter he gets hit in the chest multiple times and told to STFU. If it got so bad I was really losing sleep over it, i know he'd be happy to sleep on the sofa bed (or spare bed, if we had one).

My grandparents have been happily married 50 years and have always slept in separate rooms at opposite sides of the house due to GF's hideous snoring. My nan says it's the secret to a happy marriage.

If I'm honest I do miss sleeping alone sometimes, I relish the double bed all to myself when DP goes away with work every month or two. Maybe every other night sleep in separate beds?

Is your husband overweight? That can really exaggerate snoring.

Also we had the same problem with the waking me up at 6am thing. The solution is now that DP moves all his work stuff downstairs and gets ready down there in the morning. When I'm already up twice a night BFing the baby, it seems fair!

Sleeping in separate rooms is not the end of the world. Reading your OP I would say it’s the best option all round for your sanity.

This is totally unacceptable. Tell him to get this sorted NOW. Is he overweight? You simply can't live this way.

Yeah my DP snores terribly, he went to the GP and was referred to hospital and diagnosed with sleep apnea, he now has a machine and mask now which completely stops his snoring. He was completely proactive in sorting the issue and slept in a different room until he did so which prevented any resentment. Would your husband take a trip to the doctor?

@gonnabreakmyrustycage No, he's slim and super fit! He's been to the GP and we've been to a snore clinic. They did the gum guard for him. They said the op wouldn't work for him because of where the snoring resonates from. (Can't remember the technicalities!).

if i were you i would just move into the spare room.
At least your house is big enough for this.
I have a friend who has had separate room from her partner for years, for this very reason.

He needs to discuss it with his GP because if it’s very severe it might be the sign of an underlying problem like sleep apnea.

Have you tried the nose strips? Had limited success with my DH with them. Also he shouldn’t sleep on his back.

X post with OP sorry.

I got my own bedroom I now won’t give up.

Mine went to a sleep clinic , was diagnosed with sleep apnea and was given a cpap machine. It made so much difference and he doesn’t snore anymore.

It’s selfish of him not to sort it out.

The thing is snoring is often associated with apnea. Which is incredibly bad for the snorers health. He needs to see a doctor, and get a referral to a sleep clinic.

There is an increased risk of stroke, as well as a risk of crashing if driving. (Not to mention being stabbed while he sleeps)

I had similar with DH. He got unbearable when he put weight on.

Definitely would have separate rooms.

More couples than you realise have separate rooms, (and actually love it!)

OH and I have had separate rooms for years ( he is a snorer too).

We have a fantastic relationship, and I sleep like a log.

Bugger xpost.

sorry slow typing..

I’d try get a second opinion

Get him assessed for sleep apnoea if not done already. Quies earplugs are the best I've found and if I fall asleep before my DH with them in I don't usually wake. Failing that I'd take the spare bedroom over massive resentment and exhaustion.

I'm a snorer and warned my dp before we even got together that I can't change it - it happens no matter hwat position I'm in or what I weigh, eat etc

I have however managed to train myself to sleep on my side which does lessen but not stop it, and I avoid drinking as that makes it worse too.

Could maybe white noise help you? My dp uses a white noise app and/or earplugs if I'm having a bad night

My partner doesn't snore but my mother does, she came to stay for a week to help me after my son was born but she kept me awake more than the baby did! My heart goes out to you for having to deal with that everyday though.

Give what you've described I too would say seperate rooms.

You and baby (if you are still sharing) should keep your bedroom though and he should go in spare. You are the one up in the night with a baby and he is the one causing the disturbance even if it isn't his fault.

It can't be any worse for your relationship than the current situation.

Why don't you agree to do it for a week and catch up on your sleep. Things will seem a lot brighter after you have slept well for 7 nights!

The quies foam earplugs (you can get them in Boots) have a rating of 35dB which is the best I've found over the counter and much better than the typical wax/foam/silicone ones.

We both snore like warthogs and constantly wake each other up when we share a room.

I'm sure having separate rooms is the reason our marriage has lasted so long.

We have visiting rights of course