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Original poster

My husband snores so badly that I'm starting to resent him

60 replies

Tailfeather · 20/04/2018 22:37

I have been with my husband for 16 years - married for 9 and had a baby last year. He's always been a bad snorer. And I mean REALLY bad. He's kept a whole housefly lid people awake before. It's always been an issue, but since we've had our son it's even worse and I'm beginning to resent him and it worries me as I love him so much and don't want this to tear us apart, but it is really grinding me down. I used to feel knackered from lack of sleep, but now I am utterly exhausted. My husband actually keeps me up more than the baby. He then gets up at 6 and wakes me up as he gets ready for work. I used to be able to doze a bit, but as he wakes the baby too, I'm up then as well.

He is really apologetic, but I don't think he really understands what it is like to be kept awake night after night when you are SO tired.

I need to function during the day. I run my own business and have a baby to look after. I need to be on form.

I have strong earplugs and he has a custom made gum guard which helps, but I'm still woken up.I also spend most nights in the spare room, but I don't think that's good for our relationship either.

Anyone else in the same (noisy) boat?

OP posts:
ScienceIsTruth · 20/04/2018 22:56

Same boat, but dc are older.

It's been going on for at least 7yrs. I get, on average, about 3 hrs sleep per night and then about once every 3 weeks, I'll crash, and get about 8hrs. I'm in a lot of pain anyway, but I'm just so exhausted all the time. I have no motivation to do anything.

I already resent him as he won't make any changes to try and stop it. I wear ear plugs, but find them painful, and they dont block out the noise anyway.
It's so loud that I can't even hear the tv on full volume when he's next to me.

I don't know what the answer is. Just wanted to say that I get it.

Original poster
Tailfeather · 20/04/2018 22:57

Ha! Ok, maybe having our own rooms isn't a terrible solution then. He's slim, fit, doesn't drink often, had been assessed and referred and doesn't have apnea or anything that can be operated on. His father snores like a bloody wilderbeast too, so maybe it's hereditary.

I'll try out some different earplugs. Thanks for the recommendations. Mine are great. I can't hear anything when I wear them - lawnmowers, cars etc. But the snoring just seems to reverberate through them!

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Original poster
Tailfeather · 20/04/2018 23:00

@ScienceIsTruth 😩. Sorry. It's really horrible not being able to be in charge of your own sleep. I can go to bed expecting 8-9 hours sleep and actually manage 2-3 hours.

If it was the baby keeping me awake that would be fine and quite normal.

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Notevilstepmother · 20/04/2018 23:01

Separate rooms is better for a relationship than sleep deprivation.

speakout · 20/04/2018 23:04

I love having my own boudior, my OH loves when he gets an invitation to visit.

DwangelaForever · 20/04/2018 23:07

Earplugs!

mrwalkensir · 20/04/2018 23:10

we got a wedge pillow for DH as he has reflux/indigestion. Coincidentally his snoring is much better

checkingforballoons · 20/04/2018 23:10

Sympathy! I’m on here because my DH is snoring. Again. Grrr.

thenightsky · 20/04/2018 23:12

this device was mentioned on a recent thread

Its a bit expensive, but what price sanity? I'm currently thinking of getting one for DH.

Original poster
Tailfeather · 20/04/2018 23:16

@thenightsky My husband actually suggested getting one of these, but they're quite expensive if they don't work! Had people on the other thread tried it?

My worry is that he'll already be snoring for it to detect it, in which case I'll already be awake as it starts doing its magic, so I might as well give him a poke for free and get him to change position!!

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Original poster
Tailfeather · 20/04/2018 23:18

@thenightsky Reviews look pretty good on Amazon...

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PurpleTraitor · 20/04/2018 23:21

I can’t bear snoring. The sound drives me mad and I can’t sleep through it, not even a little bit. For me separate rooms is the worst possible setup - I have very good hearing, I can still hear the snoring wherever I go in the house, but I’m out of kicking reach, so it disturbs me more. I cannot wear earplugs, the reasons are numerous. I have had many nights where I don’t sleep at all, and many holidays where I have been kept awake for a week by snorers in the next room in hotels etc.

If anyone has a magic solution please let me know. I get so angry about it, not just the lack of sleep but having to listen to the sound, for hours and hours. If it was just my DH that’d be better but all his family snore and having them as houseguests is like torture for me. And I have to be nice to them in the morning.

GlitterBurps · 21/04/2018 02:35

Currently in bed awake due to DH snoring and I’m feeling the rage and fighting the urge to kick him. Can still hear him through silicone earplugs.

BocolateChiscuits · 21/04/2018 07:00

You have my sympathies DH is a snorer too, and I've mostly coped by kicking him out into the spare room.

His is definitely caused by being overweight. He had a fitness kick a few years back, slimmed down, and he didn't snore for months. It was lovely. But sadly he put the weight back on.

It sounds like your DH had done all he can to try and fix things so I reckon you should go with separate rooms. I think your should pick the nicest one for you and decorate it exactly how you like it and make it "your room" Grin

I'm 40 weeks pregnant and expecting to lose our spare room in about 6 months or so when the baby moves into their own room. DH is on a diet/fitness kick already in anticipation. He either stops snoring or we move to somewhere with an extra bedroom, cos I can't be doing with the permanent sleep deprivation. Oh my lord, sharing a bed with him when he's had a drink or got a cold or even both - total hell, you get more sleep with a newborn.

BellaMaroni · 21/04/2018 07:24

I'm a terrible snorer and often wake up to dh not being in our bed having had to go in the spare room during the night Blush

Had sleep study via hospital and was just within the 'normal' guidelines for sleep apnea, so it's classed as simple snoring and therefore not treatable on NHS.

I absolutely hate it and it really gets me down, so following to see other people's suggestions/recommendations!

Jinglebells99 · 21/04/2018 07:32

What is the device that @thenightsky linked to? The link isn’t working for me, but I’d be interested to look at it, thanks.

Hemlock2013 · 21/04/2018 07:38

I now sleep on the sofa as I can’t bear the snoring anymore. Our relationship has improved massively since I have. If our house was big enough it would be separate rooms for sure!!!
They can’t help it, if you can find a way to sleep be it separate rooms or ear plugs that’s the best option I think

Original poster
Tailfeather · 21/04/2018 07:44

@BocolateChiscuits Is this your first? Good luck! And we'll done to your OH for going on a health kick. Are you sleeping well? I was an even lighter sleeper during my pregnancy which made me more susceptible to being kept awake by the snoring.

The spare bedroom is actually my favourite room! Which is why I go there rather than kick my husband out! I think because there's no clutter or crap - all of our stuff is in 'our' bedroom. It feels peaceful and relaxing.

No such luxury if we have guests or on nights away at friends' or family's houses! Makes me not want to be sociable as I know there is no escaping if the snoring gets too bad. And if we're being sociable there is normally booze involved which makes it worse.

I've found an app which records the snoring and tells you how much of the night you snore etc. Am going to use it so he sees how bad he is and for proof if we seek medical attention again.

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Original poster
Tailfeather · 21/04/2018 07:47

@Jinglebells99 It's a device that goes under your pillow and gently moves the pillow if it detects snoring to put the snorer in a different position.

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athingthateveryoneneeds · 21/04/2018 07:50

My DH has moved downstairs. He won't see the GP about his snoring and isn't working on weight loss (though I live in hope). I try not to think about it because I get too angry.

Original poster
Tailfeather · 21/04/2018 07:51

@BellaMaroni I don't really have any advice...if I knew the answer life would be great!!!! Sounds like it's pretty common on this thread. Am beginning to feel less like a freak for wanting to sleep in a separate room. (I do miss cuddles though!),

Has he tried earplugs? Are you overweight? Is it worse at any time (after drinking, when you're ill). I guess if you're aware of that you could pre-empt it and make separate sleeping arrangements?

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Foodylicious · 21/04/2018 07:54

Before LO was born nearly 4 years ago we shared a room & bed as I had least to sleep in ear plugs after finally finding some that were comfortable (b&q).
Before that it was separate rooms.

We have shared the same room twice I think in the last nearly 4 years.
His snoring is just SO loud, and even when it's not, I just can't stand the sound.
Obvs I can't wear ear plugs as I need to be able to hear LO.

He has tried steroid nasal sprays from the gp, and it is a bit better when he weight less, but he was only 9st when we got together and it was an issue then.

We keep talking about him going back to gp and asking for ent referral...

FunkSoulSister · 21/04/2018 08:01

I had the same issue. He had surgery on his nose and it didn’t help. I thought we had exhausted all avenues. Then one year her kept getting tonsillitis so he got his tonsils out.

He doesn’t snore since that day. Pretty shocked after all these years

Original poster
Tailfeather · 21/04/2018 08:01

@PurpleTraitor Snap! It's sometimes worse iin the spare room as he wakes me up from 3 rooms away even though I am wearing earplugs and I can't just roll over and give him a sharp prod!! Once when I was sick I had to keep ringing him as I was too poorly to get out of bed. (And shouting would have woken the baby).

His family all snore like troopers too. I limit any stays with the in-laws to 1 night as I know I won't get any sleep. Unfortunately they tend to outstay their welcome when they come here... I do not know how my MIL copes with my FIL's snoring. It isSO loud. They sleep in a tiny double bed and she swears it doesn't bother her. It also drives me mad as he always falls asleep on the sofa (whether at ours or at theirs) in the evening if we're watching a programme or a film and then promptly starts snoring. Nobody else seems to care whereasit's like nails scratching a blackboard for me.

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Original poster
Tailfeather · 21/04/2018 08:03

@FunkSoulSister Wow! Bliss! Maybe my baby could pick up a useful tonsillitis bug from the playgroups (rather than the usual viruses and sick bugs!) and pass it on. That sounds great!! (Only half-joking).

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